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The goal of standards is to improve our future actions

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Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions

#61

Post by azundo »

MauranKilom wrote: post #11

A few years ago, I made a new year's resolution to be more forgiving to myself. At the time, I would feel miserable at the end of the day for, say, not doing laundry even though I had resolved to do so. I would downright hate myself for not getting this simple task done despite having had the time. So, that year, whenever I would have such a thought, I'd tell myself that I forgive my past self. "It's ok!" And it has…

I had a similar realization after reading Radical Compassion by Tara Brach. The concept of the two darts of suffering in Buddhism has also been extremely valuable to me. The first dart is the immediate pain (laundry didn't get done) and the second dart is the self-inflicted pain caused by the stories we tell to ourselves ("I can't even get a simple load of laundry done, I am a terrible person who will never accomplish anything.") It's usually the second dart that causes the most suffering despite being entirely created in our own heads and self inflicted.

Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions

#63

Post by galangalalgol »

rad_gruchalski wrote: post #60
galangalalgol wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

speaking as a procrastinator. I wear a dirty shirt (or whatever). And no one cares, or probably notices, and the world doesn't implode.

Does it stop at not doing the laundry “or whatever”? Or does your procrastination sneak into other aspects of your life?

Pretty much everything. It sometimes causes mild annoyance to people, or forces me to drop everything to get something done. But as a wise man told me "if you wait until the last minute, it only takes a minute.".

Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions

#64

Post by pm90 »

lhorie wrote: post #23

It strikes me as weird to address an issue of unrealistic standards by implementing a bunch of productivity systems (pomodoro, etc) and data collection schemes, since these systems are fallible, which feeds right back to the anxiety loop. I feel like it's appropriate to bring up meditation, and specifically self-awareness. There's something about seeing yourself as a third party that helps put things into a larger co…

Indeed. The author describes the problem very well but their solution doesn’t seem right.

Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions

#65

Post by lazyjeff »

lhorie wrote: post #47
Forge36 wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's good to have data. "I'm unproductive" vs "I choose to spend my time doing X". It's a lot easier to be more productive by "watching 15 minutes less of tv" when you know you watching 3 hours a night. Pomodoro isn't a productivity system. It's "I'm going to focus for ~15 minutes", and that's much easier to do than "spend 8 hours working".

Having more data isn't always better. For example, there are certain medical diagnosis protocols that basically involve going down a predetermined list of rote checks precisely because studies show that getting extra information ends up leading the doctor to make poorer diagnoses. Looking at the article, one example of data collection is "I know that I write at about 20-30 WPM" (the implication being that the author…

I found when I tried doing this "calibration" phase, that it's not just about sheer time spent on a task.

A task that took three 1-hour sessions is often not doable in one 3-hour session, because you lose creative productivity after a bit of time. That was my first mistake when trying to estimate how long things would take.

Instead, now I calibrate based on time as well as sessions, so I know preparing a new 80-minute lecture (for a class) takes two 5-hour sessions: the first 5-hour session to outline the class and activities, gather the major sources and bullet points I want to make; then the second 5-hour session to put together the polished version of slides and activity script, and do a 60-minute mental run-through.

Same with a lot of other tasks. Some are short but need multiple sessions, like writing recommendation letters that will be closely read. Even though it's easy to write the 2 pages in about 30 minutes, it rarely gets the right tone, and needs at least one or two more 20-minute sessions to capture the applicant's character as clearly as possible.

Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions

#66

Post by simonw »

Something that helped me enormously with blogging was when I realized that I had so many posts that I never write finished and published because I didn't think they were perfect enough.

So they I set myself a goal of always hitting publish before I was happy - and always feeling like it could have been better if only I had spent more time on it.

One example: I used to really sweat over having a good closing paragraph. My policy now is to publish without even having that closing paragraph - just write until I run out of things to say and put it live.

This has worked so well for me! I actually publish the things that I write now.

Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions

#67

Post by Noumenon72 »

afarrell wrote: post #19

> At this point in this conversation, some part of me starts to feel concerned about complacency. I know that my standards are unrealistic. But they also serve as a big part of my motivation system. And I feel concerned that if I just removed them, that I'd be complacent, and never do anything. And that feels terrifying. This past year, I’ve noticed in myself a tendency to assume I am naturally unmotivated and need s…

Funny, I've been a devoted fan of Taylorism ever since I read _Cheaper by the Dozen_ as a kid. To me it just means doing things better and faster each day. To you it seems like more of a harsh taskmaster?

Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions

#68

Post by rejectedandsad »

MauranKilom wrote: post #11

A few years ago, I made a new year's resolution to be more forgiving to myself. At the time, I would feel miserable at the end of the day for, say, not doing laundry even though I had resolved to do so. I would downright hate myself for not getting this simple task done despite having had the time. So, that year, whenever I would have such a thought, I'd tell myself that I forgive my past self. "It's ok!" And it has…

The problem Is I see reminders to my failures constantly (I have mint.com open on one of my monitors). I can’t easily escape being an abject failure because of my lack of social class and status.

Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions

#69

Post by maroonblazer »

kirse wrote: post #49

Perfectionism is typically a defense mechanism of some sort. This post is trying to fix all the damaged fruit springing from the roots of perfectionism, like trying to stamp out every ant instead of killing the queen. Sometimes you grew up in a family with a harsh & critical parent, or rewards for progress were minimal, so a spirit of "well done!" is absent. Or maybe you had a personal trauma and the striving is an a…

I was raised Catholic and had Paul's letters read to me every week, both in Mass and in Sunday school/CCD.

The Stoics, Buddhism, and CBT proved much more fruitful in finding healthy balance between my aspirations and capabilities.

Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions

#70

Post by Sophistifunk »

galangalalgol wrote: post #50
Wowfunhappy wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

But if you don’t mind me asking—what happens when you, well, don’t have the laundry done, and you realize you actually really need a clean shirt? (Or whatever.)

speaking as a procrastinator. I wear a dirty shirt (or whatever). And no one cares, or probably notices, and the world doesn't implode.

Speaking as somebody who used to have to sit close to others in a cube farm; we do notice, you stanky bastard.
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