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Dating in Delhi when you're poor

reuters.com

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Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#231

Post by kakkan »

anovikov wrote: post #204

Seriously, a dinner for two costs $125 in India in a place with $400 average monthly income? This is what it would cost here in Cyprus, short of really nice places in Nicosia or Limassol, and the monthly income is 5x as much. Maybe $200 in the very nicest of places. I'm a developer and make in mid-six figures, and whenever i see a $125 bill including tips, i start to feel like "oh, this is pricey".

Even though the article captures a good amount of truth about the lifestyle, the dinner pricing might need a bit of context. The top 5% of the restaurants might cost more than a hundred bucks for two people but that should be expected from the high-end four star and five star restaurants. I'm an Indian engineer who earns in USD, and even if I'm picky, my per meal is always between $3 - $5. Even if I'm going for keto or specialised meals, it never goes beyond $10.

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#232

Post by nindalf »

pm90 wrote: post #213
seestraw wrote: post #197

The author is convinced that the couple’s life sucks. He/she is writing from a point of view of superiority - “look, this is what they’re lacking, they can’t afford a Rs.8000 dinner”. To a billionaire, my software engineer life will look miserable - “They have to go eat at Panera and Olive Garden. For their employer, a nice dineout costs $5000.” Can we stop looking down on people because they cannot afford what’s nor…

> The author is convinced that the couple’s life sucks. Objectively, their life does kinda suck. The woman is living in a slum and cleaning houses for a living, earning very little for a lot of exhausting labor. The man is doing little better. They have to be creative in finding places to just hang out with each other, which is really the foundation for any relationship. This isn't a judgement call on their relative…

It's a matter of perspective though. Would you rather be with the love of your life and not have much disposable income or vice versa? I've actually experienced the opposite - living in Delhi with plenty of disposable income but no way to meet people, let alone women. I just hung out at home playing video games.

Would I trade places with them? No, I was content with my life. But would these folks swap with me? Based on how happy they are with each other, I'd guess not.

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#233

Post by nindalf »

egghese wrote: post #230
hiyer wrote: post #184

> The 23-year-old earns 8,000 rupees a month ($125) for her work. That’s what her employers can expect to pay for a single “date night” out at one of the city’s finer restaurants. Even in 2021 (article is from 2017) this is an exaggeration. You can have dinner for 2 at a five-star hotel in Delhi for less than half that amount, unless you're splurging on the drinks.

I was surprised by this statement as well. I think the author wanted to paint a picture how miserable things are. Things definitely are difficult for them financially. The prices stated however is bit too over exaggerated. A dinner that starts at $47 in India is something would have made me think 10 times before going for it. You can have a really good dinner for two at 10$ at a nice restaurant in India.

A dinner at an expensive hotel in Mumbai, an expensive city cost me 5k. I really couldn't imagine paying more than that. The author was exaggerating for effect, claiming 8k was typical. It's much more likely to be 1-1.5k.

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#234

Post by dartharva »

triceratops wrote: post #116
farmerstan wrote: post #66

I thought Indians largely looked down on dating, although maybe the times have changed in the last 10 years? I have many close Indian friends and they are all married via arranged marriage. I’m pretty sure their American-born children will not marry via arranged marriage though and they have all come to grips with that. I remember talking with one of my friends about arranged marriage and she laughed in my face when…

"Arranged marriage" in an Indian context doesn't necessarily imply "parents tell you who to marry". In many cases it's essentially parent-involved matchmaking. There may be a professional matchmaker or family astrologer who sources leads. The prospective bride and bridegroom consider multiple or even dozens of options, and discuss their favorites with their parents or other close relatives. The bride/groom visit each…

>The prospective bride and bridegroom consider multiple or even dozens of options, and discuss their favorites with their parents or other close relatives.

>If either person finds a major red-flag during this time, they have the (rarely-used) nuclear option of breaking the engagement.

In India, this happens very rarely and mostly among the upper-classes. I'm guessing the Indian couples you know fall in that criteria. In many normal middle-income (or lower-income, by US standards) households, young adults don't even perceive the idea of having a freedom to choose their spouses, let alone dating or courting partners.

> "Arranged marriage" in an Indian context doesn't necessarily imply "parents tell you who to marry".

You're right about this in some cases, but in almost all other cases it also doesn't imply "you can marry whoever you want".

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#235

Post by kome »

seestraw wrote: post #197

The author is convinced that the couple’s life sucks. He/she is writing from a point of view of superiority - “look, this is what they’re lacking, they can’t afford a Rs.8000 dinner”. To a billionaire, my software engineer life will look miserable - “They have to go eat at Panera and Olive Garden. For their employer, a nice dineout costs $5000.” Can we stop looking down on people because they cannot afford what’s nor…

> He/she is writing from a point of view of superiority - “look, this is what they’re lacking, they can’t afford a Rs.8000 dinner”. To a billionaire, my software engineer life will look miserable - “They have to go eat at Panera and Olive Garden. For their employer, a nice dineout costs $5000.”

yeah, but so what? the comparison is not holding.

poverty is not a lifestyle.

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#236

Post by fixzVjSi0t »

capybara_2020 wrote: post #202
rainhacker wrote: post #182

We never went to malls as everything there was out of my budget. I was also afraid that they would throw us out because we couldn’t speak English Reading this breaks my heart. In a few weeks India beings an year-long celebration to mark the country’s 75th Independence Day. And yet people feel discriminated because the don’t speak English.

It is not just English. Traditional clothes are also frowned upon. A few years there was a case of a man not being let into a mall because he was wearing a Dhoti(A traditional Indian men's wear, prevalent in some parts of the country.) But the irony was he had to argue in English to be let in. And something I heard years back. Kids were not allowed into another school where a competition was being held. Why...because…

Isn't just the language or clothes. People feel inferior/discriminated to eat with their hand (traditional Indian food) as opposed to using forks / knifes, which somehow is supposed to be "civilized". People feel that even when they speak English, their Indian accent is somehow bad / funny. Its not uncommon for people (specially from the western world) to make judgements how Indian/Asian food smells/tastes bad. Wonder how much of these stem from the colonial past of systematically being subjugated and being told you're inferior for 100s of years.

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#237

Post by dartharva »

What the author tried to implicitly say, and what many readers seemed to miss, is the fact that how the concepts of "dating" are uncharted and carry so many risks for people in the lower classes even after you take away the money factor. Their families and societies are tied up in such a way that makes indulging into such "modern" or "western" acts a huge taboo, with the youngsters facing severe punishments if caught. For many parents with such mindsets, their children "dating" someone is seen as an act of dishonor.

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#238

Post by alarge »

rendall wrote: post #191
DoreenMichele wrote: post #107

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm a former military wife. Just trying to explain how military life is different to other Americans was insanely hard. I lived in the same country. I used the same currency. I spoke the same language. Yet my life was not like that of civilians I knew and their underlying assumptions and mine that informed our decisions just did not match up to such a degree that I eventually stopped trying to explain my life choices…

That's interesting. Would you mind giving an example of one of these disjuncts? Some decision you made as a military wife that others did not understand?

I'm obviously not Doreen, but I was a military brat and military myself and can relate some of what I saw. First off, there's a sense of impermanence to everything. Your best friend is often someone you will only know for ~3 years of your life. You have to meet people and become friendly with them quickly or you will have no social contacts outside your family.

If you were a military spouse, you may have had a job, but rarely a career. You move at the whim of your spouse's job (every few years) to places you don't control. You generally don't get to pick your neighbors or even your friends - you just adapt to the situation that constantly changes.

Spouses of military members that go on unaccompanied tours have it even worse. They are at home alone, often for months at a time. My anecdotal observations of Navy spouses, for example, was that cheating was a standard practice - not because the marriage was necessarily bad, but because they were so lonely. This is based on limited exposure (I was Air Force, both as a brat and active duty), so may not be as universally true as I observed.

This can all sound horrible, but it really wasn't. Just different. Different enough that sometimes it is hard to explain.

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#239

Post by salynchnew »

rendall wrote: post #191
DoreenMichele wrote: post #107

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm a former military wife. Just trying to explain how military life is different to other Americans was insanely hard. I lived in the same country. I used the same currency. I spoke the same language. Yet my life was not like that of civilians I knew and their underlying assumptions and mine that informed our decisions just did not match up to such a degree that I eventually stopped trying to explain my life choices…

That's interesting. Would you mind giving an example of one of these disjuncts? Some decision you made as a military wife that others did not understand?

The incentive structure in the military is completely different from normal American society. Imagine a parallel, "socialist" society that exists inside the U.S.A. That's the military in a nutshell.

It has its own government-run housing authority, its own government-run medical system, you don't always know where you will end up on your next tour, you may not be allowed to quit and leave the military when you would normally expect to under some circumstances, etc.

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#240

Post by mohanmcgeek »

dartharva wrote: post #225
anovikov wrote: post #204

Seriously, a dinner for two costs $125 in India in a place with $400 average monthly income? This is what it would cost here in Cyprus, short of really nice places in Nicosia or Limassol, and the monthly income is 5x as much. Maybe $200 in the very nicest of places. I'm a developer and make in mid-six figures, and whenever i see a $125 bill including tips, i start to feel like "oh, this is pricey".

It doesn't, author is making a gross exaggeration.

Exaggeration is an understatement. The author is either ignorant or has an agenda.

Rich people buffets in the city cost $20 for 2. The most expensive buffets on New years Ev, in the city cost like 80$ for 2.

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