Dating in Delhi when you're poor • Hacker News Board

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#221

Post by gcells » Sat, Aug 07, 2021, 7:03 AM UTC

valarauko wrote: post #131

jessaustin wrote: post #5

Twelve years after they started dating, they married. The family disapproved. Surender’s grandmother and Preeti’s mother were from the same “gotra,” or clan. Hindu clans prohibit marriage within the descendants of an unbroken male line. The Wiki page on "gotra" suggests they "only" have to go back seven generations (I don't know any of my ancestors beyond five generations and the father of one of my great-grandfather…

In practice, there really are several dozen gotras (at least among the Brahmins), if not hundreds. The traditional practice was for Brahmins to declare their exact line of descent alongside the gotra, by naming five noteworthy ancestors (pravara rishis), starting from the top level saptarishi ancestor gotra(one of seven). Some of the saptarishis famously didn't get along, and their descendants are considered incompat…

I suppose this was an ancient way to ensure genetic diversity and prevent pregnancy losses. There is already quite a bit of evidence that consanguinity leads to miscarriages [0].

[0] https://www.nature.com/articles/jp2011115

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#222

Post by seestraw » Sat, Aug 07, 2021, 7:18 AM UTC

pm90 wrote: post #213

seestraw wrote: post #197

The author is convinced that the couple’s life sucks. He/she is writing from a point of view of superiority - “look, this is what they’re lacking, they can’t afford a Rs.8000 dinner”. To a billionaire, my software engineer life will look miserable - “They have to go eat at Panera and Olive Garden. For their employer, a nice dineout costs $5000.” Can we stop looking down on people because they cannot afford what’s nor…

> The author is convinced that the couple’s life sucks. Objectively, their life does kinda suck. The woman is living in a slum and cleaning houses for a living, earning very little for a lot of exhausting labor. The man is doing little better. They have to be creative in finding places to just hang out with each other, which is really the foundation for any relationship. This isn't a judgement call on their relative…

I agree with some of your points. And kudos to the journalists for exploring this topic.

However, look at the following:

“She’s the first woman from her family who makes her own money.”

To her, that might be an amazing success. Getting out of your default path and making it on your own is a big thing. Why do we need to emphasize that she can’t afford to eat at a Zomato restaurant? Is that a minimum bar for life being good?

I agree with your point that they do have a lack of freedom and a lot of societal issues. Also basic facilities. Those should obviously be called out and kudos to the journalists for this.

I’m mainly commenting on the author’s choice of contrasting it with luxury brands:

> “I don’t really want any expensive gifts, or to go to big restaurants. These things are superficial,” said Anuradha, who said she likes watching romance movies and is a big Shah Rukh Khan fan.

Kudos to her, she doesn’t consider those important, then why does the author keep calling out luxuries she doesn’t have? Malls, expensive restaurants, Zomato, Tinder.

Sadly in Indian soceity, these luxury items are given too much importance in determining your “class”. In the US (and many less rich countries), take a look at articles on poverty. They focus on problems and solutions, not on brands they can’t afford.

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#223

Post by fixzVjSi0t » Sat, Aug 07, 2021, 7:18 AM UTC

pm90 wrote: post #213

seestraw wrote: post #197

The author is convinced that the couple’s life sucks. He/she is writing from a point of view of superiority - “look, this is what they’re lacking, they can’t afford a Rs.8000 dinner”. To a billionaire, my software engineer life will look miserable - “They have to go eat at Panera and Olive Garden. For their employer, a nice dineout costs $5000.” Can we stop looking down on people because they cannot afford what’s nor…

> The author is convinced that the couple’s life sucks. Objectively, their life does kinda suck. The woman is living in a slum and cleaning houses for a living, earning very little for a lot of exhausting labor. The man is doing little better. They have to be creative in finding places to just hang out with each other, which is really the foundation for any relationship. This isn't a judgement call on their relative…

Does their life really suck though? It's probably harder with fewer luxuries but happiness is not proportional how much money you have/make. You could be a rich and miserable but you could also could be poor and happy/content.

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#224

Post by indigo945 » Sat, Aug 07, 2021, 7:25 AM UTC

seestraw wrote: post #222

pm90 wrote: post #213

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> The author is convinced that the couple’s life sucks. Objectively, their life does kinda suck. The woman is living in a slum and cleaning houses for a living, earning very little for a lot of exhausting labor. The man is doing little better. They have to be creative in finding places to just hang out with each other, which is really the foundation for any relationship. This isn't a judgement call on their relative…

I agree with some of your points. And kudos to the journalists for exploring this topic. However, look at the following: “She’s the first woman from her family who makes her own money.” To her, that might be an amazing success. Getting out of your default path and making it on your own is a big thing. Why do we need to emphasize that she can’t afford to eat at a Zomato restaurant? Is that a minimum bar for life being…

Pretending that there are solutions to the problems that poverty brings is exactly the form class warfare from above takes in the US.

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#225

Post by dartharva » Sat, Aug 07, 2021, 7:25 AM UTC

anovikov wrote: post #204

Seriously, a dinner for two costs $125 in India in a place with $400 average monthly income? This is what it would cost here in Cyprus, short of really nice places in Nicosia or Limassol, and the monthly income is 5x as much. Maybe $200 in the very nicest of places. I'm a developer and make in mid-six figures, and whenever i see a $125 bill including tips, i start to feel like "oh, this is pricey".

It doesn't, author is making a gross exaggeration.

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#226

Post by cee_el123 » Sat, Aug 07, 2021, 7:25 AM UTC

pm90 wrote: post #213

seestraw wrote: post #197

The author is convinced that the couple’s life sucks. He/she is writing from a point of view of superiority - “look, this is what they’re lacking, they can’t afford a Rs.8000 dinner”. To a billionaire, my software engineer life will look miserable - “They have to go eat at Panera and Olive Garden. For their employer, a nice dineout costs $5000.” Can we stop looking down on people because they cannot afford what’s nor…

> The author is convinced that the couple’s life sucks. Objectively, their life does kinda suck. The woman is living in a slum and cleaning houses for a living, earning very little for a lot of exhausting labor. The man is doing little better. They have to be creative in finding places to just hang out with each other, which is really the foundation for any relationship. This isn't a judgement call on their relative…

if the masses realized/felt that their life sucks - they would revolt already against the status quo

or maybe not, since upper classes will swiftly deal with it and go back to being miserable about their first world problems

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#227

Post by dartharva » Sat, Aug 07, 2021, 7:26 AM UTC

gopalv wrote: post #2

Some of this stuff looks very poorly sourced or misunderstood. > Marrying within the “gotra” is one of the primary reasons for recurring “honour killing” of lovers in India I hope not, because it is such a weird upper-caste nit-pick. > they talk about their lives and walk around the park, or eat aloo-chaat or golgappas at a roadside stall That is such a still frame of the middle class life in Delhi from the 90s. My p…

> I hope not, because it is such a weird upper-caste nit-pick.

Honor killing is also a weird upper-caste nit-pick, you know

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#228

Post by dartharva » Sat, Aug 07, 2021, 7:28 AM UTC

nine_zeros wrote: post #68

I would contend it's easier to date in India. Cheap thrills are everywhere, far too many people around for you to stick out of the crowd (you just need to be a few train/bus stops away from familiar locations). Strikingly, transportation is cheap. No need to own a car/get expensive Uber rides. And street food is plenty and delicious. Simple dating is much easier for everyone in the spectrum. Societal issues on the ot…

Absolutely not. It may be cheap in terms of money, but the implicit costs are horrendous. In areas out of large metro-cities dating (or even courting) is a taboo and seen as a sign of lack of character, especially for women. Young couples very often get thrashed by their family members or self-styled vigilantes for it.

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#229

Post by cosmodisk » Sat, Aug 07, 2021, 7:30 AM UTC

I used to go on dates when I could barely afford to sit in a cafe. It was glorious. I've met women, had great time,etc. Never did any fine dining on any of my dates and it was fine.

I'm sure many indians do the same and instead of going to super duper restaurant, they adjust based on their income level and do something else instead.

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#230

Post by egghese » Sat, Aug 07, 2021, 7:30 AM UTC

hiyer wrote: post #184

> The 23-year-old earns 8,000 rupees a month ($125) for her work. That’s what her employers can expect to pay for a single “date night” out at one of the city’s finer restaurants. Even in 2021 (article is from 2017) this is an exaggeration. You can have dinner for 2 at a five-star hotel in Delhi for less than half that amount, unless you're splurging on the drinks.

I was surprised by this statement as well. I think the author wanted to paint a picture how miserable things are. Things definitely are difficult for them financially. The prices stated however is bit too over exaggerated. A dinner that starts at $47 in India is something would have made me think 10 times before going for it. You can have a really good dinner for two at 10$ at a nice restaurant in India.