Dating in Delhi when you're poor • Hacker News Board

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#21

Post by jimbob21 » Fri, Aug 06, 2021, 7:00 PM UTC

sombremesa wrote: post #7

My first thought when reading this was hoping that these types of articles will reduce the comments I see on the internet that try and compare Delhi/Mumbai squalor to LA. Then I read the first comment on this HN thread, which is directly comparing this to Toronto. So either Westerners don't realize that people in these places are making less money in a month than the middle class person can expect to spend in an aver…

Did you actually read that comment about Toronto? He immediately prefaces it by saying it isn't in the same realm, but can relate because he's poor in his area as well.

I don't think that YOU realize that it is okay to relate to common feelings without being the most of that thing. The guy from Toronto doesn't have to be the most poor person in the most poor area in order to understand their feelings and talk about his.

You're gatekeeping being poor. What a weird thing to be elitist about.

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#22

Post by [deleted] » Fri, Aug 06, 2021, 7:02 PM UTC

sombremesa wrote: post #11

thebean11 wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not disagreeing with your overall point, but amount of money (based on currency exchange rates) is a bad way to compare poverty levels across different areas. It doesn't take into account cost of living which makes a huge difference.

I'm not talking about the American middle class in the comparison I make in the GP. I actually have no idea what you're talking about, because I didn't mention any amount of money at all.

[deleted]

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#23

Post by 0_____0 » Fri, Aug 06, 2021, 7:03 PM UTC

em-bee wrote: post #17

sombremesa wrote: post #7

My first thought when reading this was hoping that these types of articles will reduce the comments I see on the internet that try and compare Delhi/Mumbai squalor to LA. Then I read the first comment on this HN thread, which is directly comparing this to Toronto. So either Westerners don't realize that people in these places are making less money in a month than the middle class person can expect to spend in an aver…

i would not consider someone who can spend $100 on average in an afternoon to be middle class.

If that's $100 per half day, integrated over a month that comes out to monthly expenditures of $6000/mo, which is solidly middle class. Not working class, but certainly within reach of a low/mid level Facebook employee.

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#24

Post by captain_price7 » Fri, Aug 06, 2021, 7:04 PM UTC

devoutsalsa wrote: post #8

sombremesa wrote: post #7

My first thought when reading this was hoping that these types of articles will reduce the comments I see on the internet that try and compare Delhi/Mumbai squalor to LA. Then I read the first comment on this HN thread, which is directly comparing this to Toronto. So either Westerners don't realize that people in these places are making less money in a month than the middle class person can expect to spend in an aver…

The mother of a friend on mine in Pakistan was hiring a part-time housekeeper for ~3 hours per day. One housekeeper asked for $40 USD/month, and the mother thought that was too expensive.

Here in Dhaka, we pay around 45usd/month for 1.5hr of work per day.

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#25

Post by em-bee » Fri, Aug 06, 2021, 7:07 PM UTC

0_____0 wrote: post #23

em-bee wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

i would not consider someone who can spend $100 on average in an afternoon to be middle class.

If that's $100 per half day, integrated over a month that comes out to monthly expenditures of $6000/mo, which is solidly middle class. Not working class, but certainly within reach of a low/mid level Facebook employee.

i expect spending here to mean cash you spend while enjoying your free time outside. from that 6000 you need to subtract rent/mortgage, and any other living expenses. if you then still have enough money that you can go out and spend $100 in an afternoon on average, then you are no longer middle class i would say.

the "problem" here is the average. sure, a middle class income can afford to spend $100 in an afternoon once in a while. but unless you limit your discretionary spending to only these afternoons, you'll spend money on other things too. hobbies, travel, etc. if after all that you still can afford $100 every afternoon (even if only on weekends that's already $800 a month), you got to earn enough that you simply never worry about money.

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#26

Post by flemhans » Fri, Aug 06, 2021, 7:07 PM UTC

kshacker wrote: post #16

devoutsalsa wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The mother of a friend on mine in Pakistan was hiring a part-time housekeeper for ~3 hours per day. One housekeeper asked for $40 USD/month, and the mother thought that was too expensive.

Well it depends on 1) the local price and 2) the ability of the mother to pay. She may not be able to afford help with an American minimum wage.

In Mumbai, our friends were pretty well off and had a housekeeper who came 2 x 2 hours daily (preparing lunch and dinner, doing laundry, and cleaning around). The housekeeper, being paid pretty well, had her own housekeeper so she could have time for all these housekeeping gigs.

The well-off friends had never tried their aircon because it "was not that hot" (35 degrees C) and rummaged around to find the remote. It was so hot, I couldn't imagine that they just accepted it.

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#27

Post by webmobdev » Fri, Aug 06, 2021, 7:08 PM UTC

Something I dislike about the whole "dating" thing (a very US cultural influence due to their media) is that what is supposed to be a normal socialising event between too people, is made into a consumerist ritual. So much that two couples walking in a park or hanging with their friends is not really a "date" or you being cheapskate as, apparently, romance without money is no longer romance.

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#28

Post by paxys » Fri, Aug 06, 2021, 7:10 PM UTC

gopalv wrote: post #2

Some of this stuff looks very poorly sourced or misunderstood. > Marrying within the “gotra” is one of the primary reasons for recurring “honour killing” of lovers in India I hope not, because it is such a weird upper-caste nit-pick. > they talk about their lives and walk around the park, or eat aloo-chaat or golgappas at a roadside stall That is such a still frame of the middle class life in Delhi from the 90s. My p…

Yeah that part stood out to me. Honor killings happen for the opposite reason – the sides are too far apart in terms of religion, caste etc. Gotra is an overall minor concern even to hard-liners.

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#29

Post by [deleted] » Fri, Aug 06, 2021, 7:11 PM UTC

jimbob21 wrote: post #21

sombremesa wrote: post #7

My first thought when reading this was hoping that these types of articles will reduce the comments I see on the internet that try and compare Delhi/Mumbai squalor to LA. Then I read the first comment on this HN thread, which is directly comparing this to Toronto. So either Westerners don't realize that people in these places are making less money in a month than the middle class person can expect to spend in an aver…

Did you actually read that comment about Toronto? He immediately prefaces it by saying it isn't in the same realm, but can relate because he's poor in his area as well. I don't think that YOU realize that it is okay to relate to common feelings without being the most of that thing. The guy from Toronto doesn't have to be the most poor person in the most poor area in order to understand their feelings and talk about h…

[deleted]

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#30

Post by gopalv » Fri, Aug 06, 2021, 7:12 PM UTC

jessaustin wrote: post #5

Twelve years after they started dating, they married. The family disapproved. Surender’s grandmother and Preeti’s mother were from the same “gotra,” or clan. Hindu clans prohibit marriage within the descendants of an unbroken male line. The Wiki page on "gotra" suggests they "only" have to go back seven generations (I don't know any of my ancestors beyond five generations and the father of one of my great-grandfather…

> Unless there are thousands of gotras, it must be very common for a prospective bride and groom to overlap.

The brahmin communities have a handful of gothras as I understand it (7 or 8, depending on who you ask).

The relationship matrix is resolved by only tracking a single side of the family tree and making first cousins who are able to marry each other without complication on this topic. So it doesn't directly fix the inbreeding within insular communities, though that was its intention.

My father-in-law spent quite some time investigating this, as my clan is matrilineal in ancestry (still very patriarchal, just brother-sister family unit instead of husband-wife) with a history of cross-marriages from patrilineal men for treaties/allies.

Completely pointless pedigree certificate, felt like I was being picked for breeding instead of an equal partnership.

A dive into this sort of discrimination almost left me wondering why something with political eugenics didn't come out of India. Fears which I still have for the 2040s seeing the CAA and NRC.