Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

The most precious resource is agency

simonsarris.substack.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

331–340 of 340 posts

Re: The most precious resource is agency

#331

Post by agent008t »

sillysaurusx wrote: post #305
agent008t wrote: post #190

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Just curious - why/how did you decide to have kids at 29? I can see mostly disadvantages to having children. Perhaps a nice highlights reel, but the daily grind sounds miserable. Having a cat seems like a much better deal. This sums up my sentiment: https://theoatmeal.com/comics/baby_vs_cat You seem to have a different opinion, so I wonder if it is just a matter of preference of if your perspective is very different…

I didn't expect to want to. My wife originally wanted to, and like you, I was... reticent. My feelings at the time seem similar to yours here. All I can say is, having a solid partner -- one that I can absolutely count on, and believe in -- helped me unwind. I was able to set aside my original concerns and think long-term. Here's where we may differ: I've always loved playing with kids. There's something magical abou…

Thanks, this makes the most sense. However, I do wonder if there is a difference between playing/teaching nieces and nephews that you can hand back any time, and doing it all the time. Kind of like the difference between visiting a place as a tourist and actually moving to live there.

I would probably want to 'borrow' some relative kids for 2-3 weeks while they go on holidays, and see how the whole thing works - not just the fun parts - before I would be willing to commit to it. I do not mean you here, but it always surprises me how lightly people - otherwise very careful and responsible - take the most important and consequential decision of their life.

Re: The most precious resource is agency

#332

Post by metta2uall »

bluefirebrand wrote: post #242
malydok wrote: post #225

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's an interesting fact that one could save many lives by donating to charities and yet wouldn't feel quite the same way about it. Clicking "donate" on a screen and filling in credit card details isn't as thrilling an experience as yours even if it achieves no less.

Charities aren't appealing not just because you don't feel as connected to outcomes, but because we know many of them pay out big paycheques to execs and other overhead to the point where barely any of our donations are put to good use. Maybe just being cynical about it, but if I help out at a soup kitchen I know I'm helping people, when I donate I am just getting a tax credit and boosting a charity's executive bonus…

There's actually an entire field called Effective Altruism [1] that's dedicated to researching which charities put donations to good use - and there are quite a few of them [2]

Also, overheads like executive bonuses don't _necessarily_ mean that the charity is ineffective [3]

[1] https://www.effectivealtruism.org/

[2] https://www.givewell.org/charities/top-charities

[3] https://www.givingwhatwecan.org/choosing-a-charity/#a-note-a...

Re: The most precious resource is agency

#333

Post by necovek »

agent008t wrote: post #330
necovek wrote: post #326

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The closest thing to "reasonable" I can remember about wanting to have kids was about introducing a few more reasonable creatures into the world, something like preventing the "Idiocracy". :) In general, I did have an innate plan to reproduce at some point in the future from early on (my 20s), potentially because of social norms (then again, my sister didn't), or maybe because of my ego (I'll be bringing smarter-than…

Thanks! To me it sounds like a TON of effort, a HUGE change for a very long time - for an ego thing. Now if, say, my wife wanted to handle 90% of the work, with me primarily responsible for breadwinning and little else - a 'traditional' family - I could understand making such a big decision on what looks to me as very weak reasoning. Because then it wouldn't even be THAT big a decision to me anymore, as MY life would…

You've quickly become judgemental — which suggests that your question was not really honest, but rather argumentative, looking for support of your position — just saying how it appears! ;-)

People do a lot of things I consider "romantic": fighting for freedom, fairness, human rights... They only benefit them in the long run, and many not even benefit from them directly. I've done my share as well.

It's the same with kids. You asked about reasons to decide to have them, not about what I am getting out of it (you were very explicit in responses to others about how you didn't care about how they decided on "when", for example).

I fully expected that I will develop relationship with my kids that will overcome everything, and so far I have! Which is why I was willing to dive into the huge time, money and effort investment after the initial reasons! But it was not the reason to have them.

You are perfectly allowed to spend the same effort on building relationship with others, and it might or might not (I have no idea) get you the same satisfaction I get from interacting with my kids.

Re: The most precious resource is agency

#334

Post by sillysaurusx »

agent008t wrote: post #331
sillysaurusx wrote: post #305

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I didn't expect to want to. My wife originally wanted to, and like you, I was... reticent. My feelings at the time seem similar to yours here. All I can say is, having a solid partner -- one that I can absolutely count on, and believe in -- helped me unwind. I was able to set aside my original concerns and think long-term. Here's where we may differ: I've always loved playing with kids. There's something magical abou…

Thanks, this makes the most sense. However, I do wonder if there is a difference between playing/teaching nieces and nephews that you can hand back any time, and doing it all the time. Kind of like the difference between visiting a place as a tourist and actually moving to live there. I would probably want to 'borrow' some relative kids for 2-3 weeks while they go on holidays, and see how the whole thing works - not…

You sound like a thoughtful person.

> I do wonder if there is a difference between playing/teaching nieces and nephews that you can hand back any time, and doing it all the time.

I think you're right about this.

Just remember, it's totally fine if you decide you don't want kids. It's usually a bad idea to feel pressured into it.

I'd be curious to hear what you end up choosing. Feel free to shoot me a DM on twitter or email me, even if it's a few years from now. (But only if you'd like to, of course.) Also, if you want to chat more about this sometime, definitely reach out; this topic is quite interesting to me.

Best of luck to you.

Re: The most precious resource is agency

#335

Post by slazaro »

silurese wrote: post #218
leoc wrote: post #176

Earlier quoted context omitted.

To the extent that being remembered after your death matters at all, then absolutely, yes. To go back to the original point of comparison, many more people know Ramesses II now than have ever heard of Paul Graham, and this is when pg is still alive and probably near the all-time peak of his fame. There's a relatively small, but not that small, number of people who can name some of Ramesses II's monuments or other ach…

I mean, who knows what random selection of events will cause someone to slip through the crevasse of history into the future. Imagine being the fossil that is found and paraded as the missing link between our species and the one that roams the earth 100,000 years from now, and Ramesses II nowhere to be found...

Imagine being the dude that made a mistake in accounting, and being remembered 5000 years later because it's the earliest recorded name we know:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kushim_(Uruk_Period)

I didn't find a mention of him making a mistake in this article, but I think I read somewhere a while ago that the numbers he wrote on the tablets had some error somewhere.

Re: The most precious resource is agency

#336

Post by agent008t »

necovek wrote: post #333
agent008t wrote: post #330

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thanks! To me it sounds like a TON of effort, a HUGE change for a very long time - for an ego thing. Now if, say, my wife wanted to handle 90% of the work, with me primarily responsible for breadwinning and little else - a 'traditional' family - I could understand making such a big decision on what looks to me as very weak reasoning. Because then it wouldn't even be THAT big a decision to me anymore, as MY life would…

You've quickly become judgemental — which suggests that your question was not really honest, but rather argumentative, looking for support of your position — just saying how it appears! ;-) People do a lot of things I consider "romantic": fighting for freedom, fairness, human rights... They only benefit them in the long run, and many not even benefit from them directly. I've done my share as well. It's the same with…

Yes, I was concerned I would come across that way - sorry if I did, just a reflection of the arguments I have with myself :)

Thank you for your replies and hope it all goes well for you!

Re: The most precious resource is agency

#337

Post by necovek »

agent008t wrote: post #336
necovek wrote: post #333

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You've quickly become judgemental — which suggests that your question was not really honest, but rather argumentative, looking for support of your position — just saying how it appears! ;-) People do a lot of things I consider "romantic": fighting for freedom, fairness, human rights... They only benefit them in the long run, and many not even benefit from them directly. I've done my share as well. It's the same with…

Yes, I was concerned I would come across that way - sorry if I did, just a reflection of the arguments I have with myself :) Thank you for your replies and hope it all goes well for you!

To further clarify, the "ego" thing was a bit overstressed — my point is that I was hoping to bring better-than-average human beings into this planet, and "my ego" is my explanation for why I believe they'd be better-than-average.

Re: The most precious resource is agency

#338

Post by brutusborn »

idolaspecus wrote: post #295
brutusborn wrote: post #140

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My limited experience shows that a good way to influence children is to lead by example, and build on previous knowledge to provide context. Using gardening as an example, choose a fruit or vegetable your child likes, then go with them to a store and buy seeds / trees / whatever. Then get them to help you plant it and look after it. Children love harvest time, the excitement is palpable. If you have chickens you can…

This is basically how I hope to tackle the problem. I’d like to try and fill my own life with more practical endeavors and then weave in intentional/intellectual/thoughtful moments where we (me and kid) consider whatever slightly more abstract principles are in effect at that particular time. I’m having a hard time believing this is not much much much easier said than done though.

Your intuition is correct: raising and teaching children is a difficult skill to master, much easier said than done.

But if you have patience and determination the difficulties will be manageable. The love one feels for ones child is a deep well to draw from during frustrating or difficult times.

Re: The most precious resource is agency

#339

Post by trostaft »

benrbray wrote: post #67
jkhdigital wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Daycare. The point is that school is, first and foremost, a daycare. All the talk about education is just marketing.

Unfortunately college puts up the same barriers. Much of the time I spent in high school learning to code was for nothing, because my university wouldn't let me even attempt to test out of the first- and second-year courses. In another instance they also wouldn't let me count a graduate statistics course for a baby-stats elective requirement. "We WoULdn'T bE an AccREdiTeD iNStiTutION if wE lEt yOU do THat!" I ended u…

I think this depends on the college. Because mine barely gave a shit about pre-reqs and frequently let me swap requirements / graduate for undergraduate courses.

It's a culture thing, and how annoying the admin culture is there.

Re: The most precious resource is agency

#340

Post by seneca »

AussieWog93 wrote: post #320
seneca wrote: post #205

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's self-evident, and the research backs up, that our communities have all but died in the time frame you specified. However, it's not really clear, and the research I've read does not agree, that it is because of free market economics, at least not directly. I think this subject is one of the more important ones to the US right now, and is largely ignored because it makes a lot of ideologies look bad. I'd be curiou…

>I'd be curious what leads you to your accusation. Part of the reason I blame the free market is because of the timing, but also because many of the functions that used to be performed by the family and community are now performed by businesses. Specifically, I think the fact that middle-class people in Western countries no longer rely on friends, family and neighbours to meet (or even augment) our material needs has…

> because many of the functions that used to be performed by the family and community are now performed by businesses.

I could see that being true. Do you mean businesses like Facebook and Twitter with their substitution for socializing?

I fully agree with the rest of your post. If you're interested in the subject, I would suggest reading Robert Putnam's research on Social Capital. Bowling Alone is a good synthesis (but I'd personally pass on his other books, which lean more toward polemics).

Post reply on HN