Start booking cheap private rooms via airbnb in population centers. Check the hosts' listings to see if they offer multiple rooms in the same apt. The more the better. It's like a hostel environment but you can retreat to the privacy of your own room whenever you like. I'm a host and list 3 private bedrooms individually in one of my apts. I've seen friendships randomly occur between guests who would've never met otherwise. My guests can range from medical students doing clinicals and residency interviews to traveling nurses to digital nomads to adventurous 19 yo Europeans.
Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?
231–240 of 259 posts
Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?
#23223 is much too early to declare yourself a failure in life. That's the depression talking. "That shit ain't the truth." Just because you're not having the outcomes that you want does not mean you're a failure. Depression and feelings of inadequacy and failure are a vicious circle, because ... depression makes it hard to succeed. Depression also makes it hard to connect with people, and hard to stay connected. Depress…
> 23 is much too early to declare yourself a failure in life. That's the depression talking. "That shit ain't the truth." See I want to believe this, but I’ve seen people in these sort of situations at later stages of life. I used to work with a guy probably twice my age. He was a software developer, but his career was a crapshoot because of circumstances and I suppose not understanding his options. He was never marr…
Unless you're in prison for murder or mayhem, it's hard to say anyone is a "failure."
At most, you haven't found an arrangement that works for you.
The American Dream, for example, or parts thereof, is a perfectly good set of goals. Whatever your chosen career, is a perfectly good goal. But if you couldn't make that happen, there are lots of other ways to be satisfied, and to contribute.
I've been under employed, and went on Medicaid for actual survival (diabetes). I wasn't a failure, I was just in a very unpleasant situation.
The key to my change in happiness and outlook was to accept that who I thought I was, was no longer true, but something new and different was just fine.
Sometimes the tragedy is living in someone else's rut, even after that rut has run out.
Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?
#233I was quite literally obsessed with programming. I would wake up in the morning, program all day, go to sleep, and repeat it the next day. This earned me many accolades in college and a great job afterward. But, like you, if I paused for a moment to reflect, I felt so incredibly empty and alone. The programming increasingly became an escapist activity to avoid these feelings. Then one day my old high school friend, w…
I’d like to slightly counter the enthusiastic responses to this comment. First, I do think there’s value to much of what you’re saying. With that said, if time spent writing code is becoming an escapist activity, and if one is escaping from sufficiently dark demons, consider speaking with a therapist as well. I realize this will not apply to all readers, but the trouble with this advice starts if there is depression…
Was going to say the same thing: Immediately stopping things you enjoy, find comforting and are presumably good at (or experienced with at least), and in addition to starting new things that require extreme willpower to do (e.g. workout routines, intense social engagements, new hobbies that are not current interests)... That sort of thinking has personally been disastrous for me, or at best a very iterative process with a lot of failure and insecurity build in to it. I would always advocate to start slow with things, build off routines, take the occasional leap...sure...you have to to make any significant change, but take some small wins and build off of those. I'd worry someone reading that advice might be inclined to do everything in the extremes (as indicated) and suffer a breakdown or merely cement themselves in thinking they've been defeated. Maybe years from now is actually the best time for you to make that change, or meet that someone. Or maybe you just need to give up screens one or two days ... a week?
Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?
#234My life made no sense and felt like an endless pointless drift until I started teaching, first as a volunteer, and then later getting underpaid at a software company whose mission I believe in. Don't take your STEM abilities for granted, theyre less common then we usually think even when were not at the top of our field. You represent the future of humanity and it needs your help, even (especially) if its thankless w…
Also the best life direction advice Ive ever encountered is in the first chapter of Liu Cixin's Ball Lightning novel. I seriously wish Id encountered that book when I was in my 20's.
Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?
#235Don’t know where you are geographically but if you’re in London, I’d be up for getting a drink!
Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?
#236You are 23. You are not a failure. You have a passion, and a talent, and dedication. You have simply identified an area of your life that you'd like to improve. You might feel like life has passed you by, it has not. 23 is incredibly young, and many people are going through the same things you are. People go through the same ebbs and flows all through their lives. It is natural.
Tinder isn't great, get rid of it for now. Instead, focus on getting out of the house (to the extent you are able during Covid) and doing things that will allow you to meet people. Join a hiking group, take up a sport, join a book club. You will meet people naturally, without the pressure to 'match'.
Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?
#237Shoot me an email and let’s chat. Worse case is you type an email. Check my profile.
Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?
#2381) If you are having serious intentions of self-harm, seek professional help. No other advice you read here (mine included) matters until you've done that. 2) Forget Tinder, and other social media too. It's just something to make you feel bad looking at the rest of the world's highlight reel. 3) You're not yet 23. You haven't failed at life, because—frankly—you haven't had a chance to live any of it yet. 4) Get off s…
Honestly, yours is the only comment that should be allowed in this entire thread
Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?
#239Earlier quoted context omitted.
Why compare yourself to others? You are living your life not theirs. You dont like your life? Change it. Investigate how much of your reality is a construct of your own mind. Why is being better than everyone else at math and programming so important for you? Why is it so important that you earn more than others? Why does it upset you that others are having the time of their lives?
> You dont like your life? Change it. What can I do? I can't become more attractive like they are, most of that is genes. I'm already behind because I'm not white and under 6 foot. I can't become more intelligent because that's also mostly set in stone at this point. > Why is it so important that you earn more than others? I want to earn a number that won't make people pity me or think I'm subhuman like they do now.…
Learned helplessness is real [0]. There are some assumptions baked into your view of reality. Lets explore them..
- Attractiveness is limited only to what a persons face looks like, the color of their skin and their height.
- Intelligence is limited to being good at math and coding.
- Earning a lot of money is the only way to get the respect of others. The opinion of others towards an individual matters even though they dont know the individuals circumstances.
- Not having a particular experience other people are having right now means I will never get to have this experience (or better) at any stage in my life no matter how old I live to.
Test these assumptions and why you feel this way to begin with. If you lack creativity in how to do this follow the suggestions of others or just randomly try different things.
Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?
#240Earlier quoted context omitted.
10 "Reality sucks Im going to escape it via gaming." 20 "Gaming is fun but it isn't improving my reality." 30 "Improving my reality doesn't feel fun at all." 40 GOTO 10 This cycle was all too real for me. But like you said it is neither positive or negative. It depends entirely on the individual.
The hard branch back to the start is a perfect indicator of dysfunction. I think the best way to sum up the very negative aspects of gaming is their fake progress. To use the 4 quadrant model, gaming usually belongs in the not-important quadrant with mostly not-urgent. But most game environments create their own 4 quadrant sub world. The issue then appears because those urgent and important and the various combinatio…
The really pernicious part is after a while the constant and immediate reward cycles in games mess with the ability to focus on a real world tasks for extended periods of time and hence real world tasks no longer feel rewarding at all compared to gaming.