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Why more women identify as sexually fluid than men

bbc.com

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Re: Why more women identify as sexually fluid than men

#11

Post by nicoburns »

bradleyjg wrote: post #4

Sex coach and educator Violet Turning, 24, also points out the “fetishisation” of two women having sex or making out, specifically under the male gaze. It’s made same-sexual attraction between women more socially acceptable, albeit for the wrong reasons. Meanwhile, people seem to find notions of two men having sex far less palatable. A 2019 study that looked at attitudes toward gay men and women in 23 countries found…

This quote from the article speaks to that:

> “Progress has really been made around the female gender role and less around the male gender role,” says Massey.

I think this is a consequence of there being a female-focussed feminist movement, but not an equivalent movement focussed around male empowerment. It means that analyses like these are typically done from a female perspective with all the usual implicit biases that come from that.

Re: Why more women identify as sexually fluid than men

#12

Post by czbond »

enriquto wrote: post #2

I don't understand your meat noises Why is identity so important to folks? I'm attracted to some people, but I don't consider this fact any part of "my identity". Does this mean that I am lacking a basic human characteristic? Most of the language in this article sounds empty, when not foreign. It seems that I'm missing out something very important, but it really doesn't "click" for me. I guess I never moved past my c…

>> RE: It seems that I'm missing out something very important, but it really doesn't "click" for me.

edit: I'm addressing identity as a whole - not in the context of s3xual preferences.

I am no psychologist - but an engineer. I've noticed us engineers aren't feelers. More often we run our interpretation of the world through logic and thinking first, rather than feelings first.

Some people are heavy feelers and run events through feelings first, especially if extroverts which also means they might look to the external world for validation - and only then run their perspective through the logic domain of the brain.

Neither is right nor wrong; I've noticed feeling & sensor types seem to have 'higher highs, and lower lows' in life.

Re: Why more women identify as sexually fluid than men

#13

Post by wccrawford »

enriquto wrote: post #2

I don't understand your meat noises Why is identity so important to folks? I'm attracted to some people, but I don't consider this fact any part of "my identity". Does this mean that I am lacking a basic human characteristic? Most of the language in this article sounds empty, when not foreign. It seems that I'm missing out something very important, but it really doesn't "click" for me. I guess I never moved past my c…

No, some people don't feel so strongly about this as part of their identity.

I am definitely "male" and I definitely like "women", but it doesn't cause me mental anguish to think a man looks good. Other men clearly have a problem with that thought.

I used to be bothered by the fact that I was uncomfortable when men would find me attractive. But I've realized that what's actually uncomfortable is anyone that I don't want to date, not just men. And now that I'm married, that's everyone but my wife. That same feeling I used to get when a man admitted they were attracted to me, I'd now feel when a woman says it.

IMO, you seem like you're on a path of introspection. I'd encourage you to do that introspection with less worry about being "wrong" and more thought towards how everyone is different.

If you feel something that you think is morally or ethically wrong, then I'd worry about that. But "gender isn't part of my identity" isn't wrong, and it's probably a lot more normal than you'd think. I mean, who talks about what they aren't unless it's a hot social topic right now?

Re: Why more women identify as sexually fluid than men

#14

Post by tovej »

enriquto wrote: post #2

I don't understand your meat noises Why is identity so important to folks? I'm attracted to some people, but I don't consider this fact any part of "my identity". Does this mean that I am lacking a basic human characteristic? Most of the language in this article sounds empty, when not foreign. It seems that I'm missing out something very important, but it really doesn't "click" for me. I guess I never moved past my c…

Any characteristic that is relatable can be part of your identity. Or, put another way, any differences between you and another person which makes your emotional responses different can be part of your identity.

People who can relate around a subject can form a group identity. If a person in a group has a different base reaction to the rest of the group (and especially if the reactions are incompatible, unaccepting of each other), the person can feel outside of the group. They will not identify with the group.

Sexuality is definitely part of a person's identity. Emotional responses to sex/sexuality are quite involuntary after all.

Re: Why more women identify as sexually fluid than men

#15

Post by nicoburns »

walugipnts wrote: post #6

Anecdotally, I lost multiple male friends when I came out as bisexual, so the “fragile masculinity” theory feels especially apt. The fear of being perceived as anything other than heterosexual by association seems to be a big problem with many men.

I had a similar problem in school. Kids didn't want to be associated with me because they thought I was gay (even though it turned in my case that I'm not). I think in many cases not because they personally had a problem with being gay, but because they were afraid of becoming a target themselves by association.

Re: Why more women identify as sexually fluid than men

#16

Post by long_time_gone »

bradleyjg wrote: post #4

Sex coach and educator Violet Turning, 24, also points out the “fetishisation” of two women having sex or making out, specifically under the male gaze. It’s made same-sexual attraction between women more socially acceptable, albeit for the wrong reasons. Meanwhile, people seem to find notions of two men having sex far less palatable. A 2019 study that looked at attitudes toward gay men and women in 23 countries found…

==Instead it has to be bad “fetishisation” that just happens to have some positive side effects because heterosexual men are not allowed to have any positive qualities.==

As a heterosexual (white) male, I have never felt this way. Aren't you painting with the same broad brush that you apply to the author?

Re: Why more women identify as sexually fluid than men

#18

Post by zozbot234 »

walugipnts wrote: post #6

Anecdotally, I lost multiple male friends when I came out as bisexual, so the “fragile masculinity” theory feels especially apt. The fear of being perceived as anything other than heterosexual by association seems to be a big problem with many men.

That's especially interesting because bisexuality was historically quite compatible with traditional ideas of masculinity. So it seems that masculinity has unwittingly become more fragile due to cultural changes reframing anything other than plain heterosexuality as "modern, cool, not traditional" and conversely restricting traditional masculine identity to a pure heterosexual role.

Re: Why more women identify as sexually fluid than men

#19

Post by tenpies »

kayodelycaon wrote: post #10
enriquto wrote: post #2

I don't understand your meat noises Why is identity so important to folks? I'm attracted to some people, but I don't consider this fact any part of "my identity". Does this mean that I am lacking a basic human characteristic? Most of the language in this article sounds empty, when not foreign. It seems that I'm missing out something very important, but it really doesn't "click" for me. I guess I never moved past my c…

The whole LGBT movement and stuff wouldn’t need to exist if people were accepting. People aren’t. And still aren’t. When you actively oppress people for who they are, it’s not surprising it becomes more important.

Why do LGBT movements still exist in cultures that were/are very accepting of LBTQ individuals then?

Alternatively: why are they completely absent in the countries that need them the most?

Re: Why more women identify as sexually fluid than men

#20

Post by debacle »

wccrawford wrote: post #13
enriquto wrote: post #2

I don't understand your meat noises Why is identity so important to folks? I'm attracted to some people, but I don't consider this fact any part of "my identity". Does this mean that I am lacking a basic human characteristic? Most of the language in this article sounds empty, when not foreign. It seems that I'm missing out something very important, but it really doesn't "click" for me. I guess I never moved past my c…

No, some people don't feel so strongly about this as part of their identity. I am definitely "male" and I definitely like "women", but it doesn't cause me mental anguish to think a man looks good. Other men clearly have a problem with that thought. I used to be bothered by the fact that I was uncomfortable when men would find me attractive. But I've realized that what's actually uncomfortable is anyone that I don't w…

In this day and age, and especially as I grow older, I have more and more respect for men (and women) who look good, almost in a platonic fashion. Attractiveness is a summation of multiple fitness factors, and overall those factors have been on the decline.

Edit: It's also not easy to look good, especially if you are 30+. It takes effort.

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