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Kids need freedom, too

persuasion.community

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Re: Kids need freedom, too

#261

Post by kfajdsl »

CalRobert wrote: post #154

It's great to allow your kids to take risks, and we do this with our own as much as we can (they're 1 and 3, so "within reason" is still doing some heavy lifting. I pick ticks off of them now and then and patch up their share of bruises). But fundamentally, what I want most is to be somewhere my kids can ride bikes or walk alone to school, to friends, to the shop, etc. from the age of 7 or so. As best I can tell that…

Not sure if you're already doing this or not, but walking to the bus stop with friends (no adults) and playing outside after school were both the main ways I got independence in my suburban childhood. As long as I was home before dark, I was good.

Re: Kids need freedom, too

#262

Post by smoldesu »

CalRobert wrote: post #154

It's great to allow your kids to take risks, and we do this with our own as much as we can (they're 1 and 3, so "within reason" is still doing some heavy lifting. I pick ticks off of them now and then and patch up their share of bruises). But fundamentally, what I want most is to be somewhere my kids can ride bikes or walk alone to school, to friends, to the shop, etc. from the age of 7 or so. As best I can tell that…

I live in a relatively rural area of America, and I still can't even fathom letting a kid ride their bike to school. I certainly wouldn't be comfortable riding more than a mile along any side roads, not to mention any city streets or main roads. America is really just not made for cyclists (not that I am one).

Re: Kids need freedom, too

#263

Post by kmano8 »

mulmen wrote: post #248
II2II wrote: post #247

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It isn't just near collisions. I was once stuck be a car with enough force that it bent my bike frame, ripped the mirror off of their car, and created a crashing sound loud enough for people to hear inside their homes. As far as I can tell, the motorist never even slowed down. The people who came to my aid were nearby residents and pedestrians. How I managed to walk away from that one with little more than (nasty) br…

I agree perceptions change when behind the wheel of a car. I have had drivers try to ram me on my motorcycle when lane splitting.

It's a common American (but maybe elsewhere too?) attitude to feel something is being taken from you when another person is gaining -- in this case, it's you moving efficiently through traffic while they stand still. Most people will just rage inside their car, but there is definitely a subset of those that think they have a right to harm you over it.

Re: Kids need freedom, too

#264

Post by abraxas »

ed_balls wrote: post #227
CalRobert wrote: post #154

It's great to allow your kids to take risks, and we do this with our own as much as we can (they're 1 and 3, so "within reason" is still doing some heavy lifting. I pick ticks off of them now and then and patch up their share of bruises). But fundamentally, what I want most is to be somewhere my kids can ride bikes or walk alone to school, to friends, to the shop, etc. from the age of 7 or so. As best I can tell that…

I grow up in a small town in Poland. I was walking on my own to preschool since I was 5 (it was about 400m from the house). If I had kids I'd let them free roam the city.

Poland is far more walkable and pedestrian/commuter friendly than the US or Canada. It really has to be experienced first hand to sink in. The way that building codes in North America separate the buildings lends the geography there to be friendly to the cars and only to the cars.

Re: Kids need freedom, too

#265

Post by gilbetron »

YeezyMode wrote: post #252
gilbetron wrote: post #57

Much as we are finding about obesity being caused by the "food environment", there's an unhealthy "kid environment" in many places these days. I have a 12 year old, and he barely would go run around our neighborhood growing up because there weren't any other kids doing it. We tried to get him to do it, but none of his friends would join him. Other neighborhoods achieve a critical mass and have tons of kids that run a…

Could you explain why you feel bummed about it? You've clearly exposed your child to a world of fulfilling outdoor activities that are far richer than what a group of kids could get up to in a neighborhood. I myself had the freedom as a child that many in this thread fondly remember, and yes, making friends and spending time with them was highly influential. But all my significant memories involve sleepovers, watchin…

Two things. First, the pandemic has me bummed because our son has largely had to sit around inside for the past 15 months due to living in a relatively barren "kid environment" in our neighborhood. That is most of the reason for me being bummed.

Related, I like balance, and while we tried to fill our son's time with activities, I think some more free play would've done him good, but, again, our barren kid environment didn't really allow for it. I was the opposite growing up, with nothing but "get out and play" for my entire kid life until my first summer camp as a teenager. It had its upsides, but I think I would've been better served by having more structured activities that exposed me to more things in life.

Regardless, kids are resilient and they learn what they learn and find their own way in life, ours is no different!

Re: Kids need freedom, too

#266

Post by SilverRed »

908B64B197 wrote: post #119
indymike wrote: post #76

I've got five kids. The more I loosen up and let the kids take risks and learn for mistakes the better. The challenge is when the adults inject a ridiculous level of risk to something that should be a learning experience. For example, allowing police to arrest and charge a child for bad behavior at school (i.e. won't obey the teacher, outbursts - not for actually criminally violent behavior). Another is lifetime acad…

> For example, allowing police to arrest and charge a child for bad behavior at school (i.e. won't obey the teacher, outbursts - not for actually criminally violent behavior). Another is lifetime academic and other records. Just send them to a private school where matters are handled privately.

Handled meaning being expelled for bad behavior.

Re: Kids need freedom, too

#267

Post by SilverRed »

rhema wrote: post #17
kbelder wrote: post #2

I'm having this issue a bit with my wife. I want my 9-yr old daughter to go to the playground a couple blocks away on her own; my wife is reluctant. My argument is that it's statistically very safe, especially in our neighborhood, and that we and her older brothers all did similar things. Her argument is that a girl needs to be more cautious than a boy, and that although she knows it's unlikely anything bad would hap…

You might try to get longish distance walkie-talkies. They are cheap and probably go far enough. I let my (similar age) kids free range a block or two, especially if they go together and bring a walkie talkie.

Why not just give them a real phone?. That way they are never at risk of being out of range. Parental control it so it can't install apps if you are super paranoid.

Re: Kids need freedom, too

#268

Post by [deleted] »

tomc1985 wrote: post #172
endymi0n wrote: post #111

I can‘t find the link anymore, but in the prologue of (I think) a German norm for building playgrounds it said something along these lines that resonated a lot with me: „Kids have the right to hurt themselves and test their boundaries in a safe and limited way“ That‘s just so important for kids I think. US playgrounds all look sad to no end compared to the 15 meter high rope pyramids you see here in a lot of schools.…

We used to have playgrounds like that. My favorite playground as a kid had metal slides, a merry-go-round that we used to have fun throwing kids off of by spinning it at high speed, and this gigantic metal turtle that would get so hot in the summer sun that it would burn you. My elementary school had monkey bars at varying heights... etc etc.. But last time I checked that playground replaced everything with bulky pla…

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Re: Kids need freedom, too

#269

Post by [deleted] »

throwaway0a5e wrote: post #50
quadrangle wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well, there's some argument for stats and science here. Padding for Rugby might actually make sense whereas the trend where kids can't go to the park or the grocery store alone is counterproductive. A world where kids playing actually risky sports use safety equipment but also have the independence to go to the park and do pick-up games with friends with no adult supervision, that sounds like the right balance. Not e…

It's not settled science but there's decent evidence that the padding and helmets contribute to the more violent nature of American football (where serious and long term injuries are more common than in rugby).

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