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Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

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Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#261

Post by xboxnolifes »

1_person wrote: post #152
xboxnolifes wrote: post #135

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You source shows boomers with a median net worth of around $266,400. That's really not much to have accumulated over the course of 40+ years of work. That's roughly equivalent to putting away $150 a month.

Do you think it's also fair to describe $266,400 as "much larger than" $13,900? Do you think $266,400 will buy a house? Do you think $13,900 will buy a house? I understand that you can divide $266,400 over any interval that's convenient, but I don't see how that relates to my point or the facts.

Obviously someone who has been working over 30 years less than someone else has significantly less money than them? Do you think the people in the 65-74 age group had the same $266,400 median when they were in the under 35 age group? Of fucking course not, that's idiotic.

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#262

Post by SMAAART »

ggambetta wrote: post #256
SMAAART wrote: post #218

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I respectfully disagree. As a reluctant member of the "older individuals" I too find myself giving a boatload less fucks than I used to, but the main reasons are (in no particular order): 1. I have got my crippling Generalized Anxiety Disorder under control 2. I have realized that I used to give way too many fucks about shit that didn't matter at all, and it was not worth it and actually detrimental Mind you, those 2…

Very interesting! Can you elaborate on "B) I am 100% wrong when something unpleasant happens to me"? Not sure what you mean by this exactly.

Something unpleasant happens: I do the analysis from the starting point that I am 100% wrong. Of course as I go along, most often, I realize that - while partially responsible - I am not 100% wrong, but there is some wrongdoing on my part, if not just in the way I reacted/responded, and/or the depth/breadth of my reaction/responses.

For instance, when Anxiety flares up due to some trigger, I might ruminate and have insomnia.

Ever ask why? Well... it's about giving way too many fucks. Shit happened. So? Who's responsible for ruminating and losing sleep? Me, myself and I. 100% my bad. Of course I am not responsible for the event, but I am responsible for letting it make me ruminating / insomniac.

And seeking an external solution like meds, or therapy, or a therapist or whatnot it's just a copout. And if taken to an extreme it might develop into victim mentality and hence a self fulfilling prophecy.

This works for me. I am not blaming any victims out there, at times I have mentioned this personal attitude of mine only to be accused of "blaming victims the world over". NOPE. This is about me.

I am no martyr either, but I see out there, and I was guilty myself, to use as a starting point the stance that I was either right or immune to any finger-pointing. Starting from "I am 100% wrong" is just a different stance, a different starting point. Needs not to be the end of it, the process of reasoning is the journey the leads to bettering oneself.

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#263

Post by SMAAART »

b0rsuk wrote: post #235
SMAAART wrote: post #218

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I respectfully disagree. As a reluctant member of the "older individuals" I too find myself giving a boatload less fucks than I used to, but the main reasons are (in no particular order): 1. I have got my crippling Generalized Anxiety Disorder under control 2. I have realized that I used to give way too many fucks about shit that didn't matter at all, and it was not worth it and actually detrimental Mind you, those 2…

Do you have any tips for getting Generalized Anxiety Disorder under control? At least point in the right direction?

Mainly this:

> What helped immensely is to start blogging daily, and more often than daily, about the events in my life, my thinking, my reactions starting from the points of view that:

> A) I am accountable for what happens to me

> B) I am 100% wrong when something unpleasant happens to me

> And that, in the course of a few month, changed my life in tangible manners.

And also:

I am reading about Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT) specifically:

How To Stubbornly Refuse To Make Yourself Miserable About Anything-yes, Anything!

How to Keep People from Pushing Your Buttons

A guide to rational Living

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#264

Post by niknoble »

quesera wrote: post #63

I think it's simple: Perspective, and emotional fatigue. The first time happens to you, you might be overwhelmed with excitement and joy. The 85th time, not so much. Hopefully you still appreciate it, but for the same dramatic response, the reward center needs more . Anything that happens to you 85 times isn't special enough to be life-changing, by definition. The first time happens to you, you might be crushed. By t…

If this were the whole story, it would mean that a man who had been in a coma his whole life up to 60 would have the same emotional control as a little kid. For example, he would cry at losing a board game. That's very hard to believe.

I'm pretty sure the difference between old people and young people is mostly just energy. Old people can't feel intense emotions for the same reason they can't run a marathon. They just get fatigued too easily.

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#265

Post by hodgesrm »

bigmattystyles wrote: post #177
emteycz wrote: post #138

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The thing with babies is that evolution comes in play here, and they often cry for no (internal) reason whatsoever... More crying = more parent attention = better rate of survival. I wonder when does this effect cut off.

There’s nothing funnier than seeing your toddler harmlessly fall, he thinks no one saw it, he goes on about his day, then a few seconds later makes eye contact with you and only then starts crying.

Or: Toddler falls and, while lying on floor, carefully searches for an audience before deciding whether to let loose with a howl.

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#266

Post by quesera »

niknoble wrote: post #264
quesera wrote: post #63

I think it's simple: Perspective, and emotional fatigue. The first time happens to you, you might be overwhelmed with excitement and joy. The 85th time, not so much. Hopefully you still appreciate it, but for the same dramatic response, the reward center needs more . Anything that happens to you 85 times isn't special enough to be life-changing, by definition. The first time happens to you, you might be crushed. By t…

If this were the whole story, it would mean that a man who had been in a coma his whole life up to 60 would have the same emotional control as a little kid. For example, he would cry at losing a board game. That's very hard to believe. I'm pretty sure the difference between old people and young people is mostly just energy. Old people can't feel intense emotions for the same reason they can't run a marathon. They jus…

That's an interesting idea. I wonder if there is any data on that sort of thing.

Anecdotally, though much less dramatically: When my Mom switched from glasses to contact lenses (and received an improved prescription), her sense of happiness and wonder at being able to see the details of tree leaves, etc, is something that I still remember a few decades later.

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#267

Post by saltcured »

mnctvanj wrote: post #258
Layvier wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Imo there's a strong tendency for people working in tech/business or with high ambition in general to suppress their emotions as they affect the decision making. However, I'd rather make suboptimal decisions if that means a richer life, deeper connections and a stronger sense of wonder. Trying to be as logical, rational as possible makes life dull and mechanical. In the end as Kierkegaard said, "Life is not a problem…

Kierkegaard's idea of "repetition" actually speaks very directly to the topic of this larger discussion. Many ways to interpret his writings here, and I am no trained philosopher, but he seems to write about how repetition is not truly possible - that encountering a once-new thing for a subsequent time is tainted by recollection - dulling the experience essentially. I think he also suggests that cultivating a certain…

I debated where to attach a comment and decided that here would be as valid as elsewhere in the nearby tree. But, some of my response is more broad than to your comment...

I think that the ancestor and related messages imply various false dichotomies of logical+rational versus rich+emotional, problem solving versus experiencing, or a more ambiguous "spectrum". Likewise, you somewhat conflate several: novel versus familiar, pure versus tainted, bright or rich versus dull. These are not clear basis vectors of some abstract space but more confusing and muddled aspects of some perceptual space with an unknown number of dimensions shaped by the first person witness.

In the spirit of the broader topic, I think part of aging and becoming a master of your emotions is to recognize the imprecision and false allure of these metaphors. Ignorance is not bliss; it can be bliss or fear. Novelty is not wonder; it can be wonder or horror. And of course, ignorance or novelty can be boring or desensitizing too! Your state and perspective can drastically change the subjective experience, as can any number of external factors omitted from such trite labels.

The notion of not being able to repeat something is also embedded in how I've seen people, without intending any direct reference to the Thomas Wolfe novel, often use the adage "you can never go home again". I would say most people seem to mean that the observer/traveler has changed and cannot experience home the same way, though of course the place/inhabitants and relationships also change. The whole "home" experience is fleeting or even illusory. Conversely, someone can find "home" wherever they go, if they can establish sufficient conditions. I think Wolfe was aware of all of these factors.

Ironically, emotion as a biological system seems to be all about repetition and heuristics for prompting behaviors given the "same" conditions. And it's not just emotion. So much of perception and cognition is based in an illusion of permanence and identity for abstract concepts. Concepts that don't necessarily exist in the actual chaotic environment within which we are living.

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#268

Post by 1_person »

dang wrote: post #259
1_person wrote: post #247

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It would be helpful if you could clearly spell out the opinions the rules actually apply to. I've been guessing wrong lately, it seems.

We don't care what your opinions are. We care about you following the site guidelines, which include things like " Be kind ," " Don't fulminate ", and " Eschew flamebait ". Can you please stick to the rules? I'm sure you can find thoughtful ways to express your substantive views if you want to. https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

I'll try to adhere more closely to the ritual forms of disingenuous presentation and allusion brinksmanship.

As an aside, I find your choice of pronoun fascinating and enlightening.

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#269

Post by okareaman »

nefitty wrote: post #236
okareaman wrote: post #207

I'm 63 and for me the answer is simple: more self-awareness. I am aware of what thoughts my emotion is in response to. I am aware of how my emotions are cascading other emotions and triggering feelings based on memories of similar circumstances. I am aware of how my emotions are affecting the people around me and how their response is feeding back into my thoughts and feelings. Finally, with self-awareness comes the…

What do you picture in your mind when you think about your emotions? For others, I imagine an aura, colored based on the emotion I’m sensing that they’re feeling. It’s like a light emanating from their body. Inside of myself, I imagine churning liquids vying for dominance at any specific moment. I think because emotions are so nebulous and not like gears or software programs, my visualization tracks well with how emo…

I don't visualize my emotions, although I respond emotionally to color

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#270

Post by mensetmanusman »

jlos wrote: post #174
bm3719 wrote: post #11

At age 20 or so, I read a quote in a book (on day trading, IIRC) that went something like: "Master your emotions, or they will master you." After thinking about it, I realized that despite identifying as a logical-thinking individual, I was nevertheless at the mercy of the more primitive parts of my brain. Sometimes totally, but pretty much all executive functions were influenced by it to a large degree. That might b…

"Mastering your emotions" if you mean, controlling your emotions, is not balanced or healthy. Mastering your emotions means listening to them as a critical feedback to your environment and then rationally controlling your response. Rational thought is complimentary to emotional thought. Rational thought is slow, reflexive, and highly focused. Emotional thought is affective; it is your mind telling you how something i…

Anger usually tells me that my expectations are too high, or that my patience is wearing thin, and that I should improve it.

This practice of self-reflection after anger over the decades has turned into a life where I am very rarely angry, and life is incredibly enjoyable.

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