Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

smithsonianmag.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

231–240 of 288 posts

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#231

Post by fidesomnes »

luckyandroid wrote: post #24
bm3719 wrote: post #11

At age 20 or so, I read a quote in a book (on day trading, IIRC) that went something like: "Master your emotions, or they will master you." After thinking about it, I realized that despite identifying as a logical-thinking individual, I was nevertheless at the mercy of the more primitive parts of my brain. Sometimes totally, but pretty much all executive functions were influenced by it to a large degree. That might b…

If I ever got something beneficial out of meditation, it was that feelings and thoughts come and go and do not have to necessarily be listened to. I didn't realise this until I was in my early 20s, and looking back, there were so many regretful moments as a result of just doing whatever feelings and thoughts dictated I should do in any given moment. Being able to view your thoughts and feelings in an abstract, manage…

> If I ever got something beneficial out of meditation

Don't do meditation to get anything beneficial at all. You do meditation to let go of all of that altogether and (ultimately) prepare yourself for death.

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#233

Post by cossray »

selimthegrim wrote: post #200
8ytecoder wrote: post #92

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Less about the energy to give fucks and more about having better things to give fucks about. Personally at least, I used to give a fuck about every damn thing - from the slightest perceived insult to the way rice is cooked. These days I have better/bigger things to give a fuck about. I brush off even real insults and eat two day old rice just fine.

Er, I hope it’s not at room temp otherwise you might get food poisoning.

You may have to reduce the amount of Fs you give.

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#234

Post by ridethebike »

ggambetta wrote: post #15

My entirely unscientific theory is that like other cells, we're born with a limited number of fucks in our body. When we're young, we (instinctively, subconsciously) feel like our fucks reserves are plentiful, so we give a fuck about a lot of stuff. As we get older, our reservoir of fucks gets progressively depleted. The fucks are rarer, so we give a fuck less and less often. I've recently turned 40 and I can definit…

I was going to say "Over time one just doesn't care anymore" but you did it way better. Thank you for that.

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#235

Post by b0rsuk »

SMAAART wrote: post #218
ggambetta wrote: post #15

My entirely unscientific theory is that like other cells, we're born with a limited number of fucks in our body. When we're young, we (instinctively, subconsciously) feel like our fucks reserves are plentiful, so we give a fuck about a lot of stuff. As we get older, our reservoir of fucks gets progressively depleted. The fucks are rarer, so we give a fuck less and less often. I've recently turned 40 and I can definit…

I respectfully disagree. As a reluctant member of the "older individuals" I too find myself giving a boatload less fucks than I used to, but the main reasons are (in no particular order): 1. I have got my crippling Generalized Anxiety Disorder under control 2. I have realized that I used to give way too many fucks about shit that didn't matter at all, and it was not worth it and actually detrimental Mind you, those 2…

Do you have any tips for getting Generalized Anxiety Disorder under control? At least point in the right direction?

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#236

Post by nefitty »

okareaman wrote: post #207

I'm 63 and for me the answer is simple: more self-awareness. I am aware of what thoughts my emotion is in response to. I am aware of how my emotions are cascading other emotions and triggering feelings based on memories of similar circumstances. I am aware of how my emotions are affecting the people around me and how their response is feeding back into my thoughts and feelings. Finally, with self-awareness comes the…

What do you picture in your mind when you think about your emotions? For others, I imagine an aura, colored based on the emotion I’m sensing that they’re feeling. It’s like a light emanating from their body. Inside of myself, I imagine churning liquids vying for dominance at any specific moment.

I think because emotions are so nebulous and not like gears or software programs, my visualization tracks well with how emotions work. For example, if I’m feeling especially elated, it’s like my body is filling with a deep gold that overwhelms any other emotion.

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#237

Post by quesera »

kodah wrote: post #164
quesera wrote: post #139

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"misplaced or exaggerated for effect" appears to be a natural thing. It's not a new thing, but it definitely seems to be accumulative. Friends say bands are "awesome", long meetings are "excruciating", guys in mock turtlenecks say products are "magical" or "revolutionary". Boys cry "wolf". What does it all mean? What words do we choose when the correct words are no longer meaningful? What is the value of a word that…

> Friends say bands are "awesome", long meetings are "excruciating", guys in mock turtlenecks say products are "magical" or "revolutionary". Boys cry "wolf". What does it all mean? Do these exaggerations, or use of flowery language, carry any real world consequences? The words "abuse" and "violence" (and other vernacular that people are using around problems they face) carry consequences under the law, reputational d…

Actually I often wonder if people think about the extremity of their words.

Absurd exaggeration is the norm. That's fine in the form of metaphor (though I still dislike "murder" and "rape" to describe the vagaries of competitive sports and business!) but it's something else when the words can have legal/moral/professional ramifications.

Power gained by the previously-disempowered is rarely handled responsibly. But the powerless should be empowered. I don't know how to get from A to B without collateral damage.

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#238

Post by okareaman »

faeyanpiraat wrote: post #225
slver wrote: post #210

Earlier quoted context omitted.

More reflection, sure. Experience. Humility. But also less hormones. Young people are hormone-driven action-reaction machines.

Everyone is just a machine

Yes, we have become very efficient in doing things. What we are doing, we have become so efficient in doing that we don’t need any awareness to do it. It has become mechanical, automatic. We function like robots. We are not men yet; we are machines. That’s what George Gurdjieff used to say again and again, that man as he exists is a machine. He offended many people, because nobody likes to be called a machine. Machines like to be called gods; then they feel very happy, puffed up. Gurdjieff used to call people machines, and he was right. If you watch yourself you will know how mechanically you behave.

http://www.pomyc.org/blog-details/55

The exact quote by Gurdjieff is worth reading.

Kurt Vonnegut's "Breakfast of Champions" dealt with this theme in an extraordinary way. He created a character who was going mad because he felt he was living among robots. At last, his character finds an artist that had a "light" in him, a soul, and the character decides everything is ok. At this point Kurt Vonnegut inserts himself into the narrative (which struck me as extraordinary) and says that he decided not to kill himself because he wrote this story (his mother committed suicide.) This book also helped me become more self-aware.

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#239

Post by nefitty »

CountDrewku wrote: post #100
luckyandroid wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If I ever got something beneficial out of meditation, it was that feelings and thoughts come and go and do not have to necessarily be listened to. I didn't realise this until I was in my early 20s, and looking back, there were so many regretful moments as a result of just doing whatever feelings and thoughts dictated I should do in any given moment. Being able to view your thoughts and feelings in an abstract, manage…

Yep meditation is great at helping you laugh at the absurdity of your thoughts and the realization they're totally fleeting along with the emotions they bring. Now, I can just think to myself that emotion will be gone in a few hours/days/etc. and I don't need to obsess about it, just let it be. It's absolutely true too.

The phrase, “This too, shall pass,” can be bittersweet at times, but also comforting. Although some feelings can be so intense that it is difficult to think thoughts that move me back to baseline, the clock keeps ticking and new experiences inevitably flood in. One thing I think about a lot is that we generally can’t “remember” what pain feels like, which helps sometimes.

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#240

Post by mpfundstein »

b0rsuk wrote: post #235
SMAAART wrote: post #218

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I respectfully disagree. As a reluctant member of the "older individuals" I too find myself giving a boatload less fucks than I used to, but the main reasons are (in no particular order): 1. I have got my crippling Generalized Anxiety Disorder under control 2. I have realized that I used to give way too many fucks about shit that didn't matter at all, and it was not worth it and actually detrimental Mind you, those 2…

Do you have any tips for getting Generalized Anxiety Disorder under control? At least point in the right direction?

acceptance
Post reply on HN