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Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

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Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#211

Post by SpinsInCircles »

ggambetta wrote: post #15

My entirely unscientific theory is that like other cells, we're born with a limited number of fucks in our body. When we're young, we (instinctively, subconsciously) feel like our fucks reserves are plentiful, so we give a fuck about a lot of stuff. As we get older, our reservoir of fucks gets progressively depleted. The fucks are rarer, so we give a fuck less and less often. I've recently turned 40 and I can definit…

I would like to think of it as a Bias term. The older I become the larger the Bias and the fewer fucks I give. I wish I could have performed some transfer learning to my younger self, his life would have been much easier.

As an aside I feel this is a wonderful anthem for life: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vqbk9cDX0l0

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#213

Post by marton78 »

patrickmn wrote: post #191
bgroat wrote: post #168

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've deliberately cultivated this. As I often as I remember I adopt the perspective of someone who's 14,000 years old. I don't know why I haven't died, and at this point I don't expect to at anytime in the future. But I don't know I won't - so I'm still careful, and grateful. But I don't let things bother me, because I've seen it before. And all my plans are long-term, because centuries to me are the same as quarters…

You are practicing eastern philosophy :) The Man From Earth is wonderful. The best ultra-low budget movie IMO.

No way, you guys really like this movie? It's a good idea, terribly executed. The worst acting I have seen in a long time, gaping plot holes that makes you shake your head in disbelief. I was very disappointed.

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#214

Post by jfengel »

Is it even true? There is a common stereotype of "older individuals", at least in the US, as cranky and irritable. Stereotypes aren't truth, but I think we've all encountered at least some examples of this.

I'm not actually sure that contradicts the article, which takes a somewhat specific view of "control". But I've just spent four years dealing with a very prominent older individual who seemed to have absolutely zero control over his feelings, and also seemed to bring out a very large cohort of similar individuals.

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#215

Post by Wowfunhappy »

acwan93 wrote: post #193
playingchanges wrote: post #109

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The last thing you wrote is something I indirectly think about quite a lot. Imagine a place (call it heaven if you want) where time and death don’t exist. What could you possibly care about?

I read somewhere that because people don't live that long, we don't have a collective memory of previous disasters or pandemics (anyone who was alive today during the 1918 pandemic wouldn't really remember it), so human history simply happens in cycles or waves. The underlying conflict is the same, but a new set of humans deal with it with the technological tools of the day. Simply put, if the human lifespan were lon…

> I read somewhere that because people don't live that long, we don't have a collective memory of previous disasters or pandemics (anyone who was alive today during the 1918 pandemic wouldn't really remember it)

I’m splitting hairs, but aren’t these two separate problems?

If I lived 1,000 years, I’m not sure I’d be able to remember things that happened 200 years ago super well. I can’t remember things that happened 20 years ago very well.

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#216

Post by okareaman »

slver wrote: post #210
okareaman wrote: post #207

I'm 63 and for me the answer is simple: more self-awareness. I am aware of what thoughts my emotion is in response to. I am aware of how my emotions are cascading other emotions and triggering feelings based on memories of similar circumstances. I am aware of how my emotions are affecting the people around me and how their response is feeding back into my thoughts and feelings. Finally, with self-awareness comes the…

More reflection, sure. Experience. Humility. But also less hormones. Young people are hormone-driven action-reaction machines.

I did a course of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and related therapies with young veterans and saw them benefit, although they probably couldn't tell you how it works.

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#217

Post by offtop5 »

ryandrake wrote: post #143
dr_orpheus wrote: post #86

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The issue that I have seen with this phrase being used is that it is often used in response to a younger person complaining about their current life or aspects of their life. The implication of the phrase is then "well your life sucks, but it's only going to get worse". For a real life example, I knew someone who was going through some pretty serious depression in high school. Responding to which their counselor said…

> For a real life example, I knew someone who was going through some pretty serious depression in high school. Responding to which their counselor said something along the lines of "you shouldn't be sad, this is the best time of your life". Which was pretty devastating thing to say to someone. And, for a lot of people, it's just not true. Maybe I'm really fortunate, but I can't remember a better time in my past life.…

As somebody went through multiple evictions as a teen, I agree 100%.

If you don't come from a stable household your teenage years are going to be absolutely horrible. You're going to know enough to understand that the adults around you should do things like pay bills, but they just don't want to. They'd rather buy new cars and get them repoed.

I make an absurd amount of money now, and I'm grateful every time I pay my rent. Honest to God, if I could change one thing about the educational system I get rid of the idea that your parents are responsible to pay for your college.

If you're coming from a bad household this simply isn't going to work, but you'd be the most likely to benefit from a scholarship or financial aid. What ends up happening is this gets locked behind your parents doing basic things like filling out forms, but they're just incapable of doing it.

I can't put in words how devastating dropping out of college due to this stupid system was. Through the magic of programming I was able to still establish a great career, but when you come from a broken home you're just going to take hit after hit after hit.

I often need to distance myself from what I guess normal people struggle with. I'll see something stupid on Reddit like a man in his late 20s complaining that his parents want him to get a job, and I have to stop myself from screaming at my computer.

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#218

Post by SMAAART »

ggambetta wrote: post #15

My entirely unscientific theory is that like other cells, we're born with a limited number of fucks in our body. When we're young, we (instinctively, subconsciously) feel like our fucks reserves are plentiful, so we give a fuck about a lot of stuff. As we get older, our reservoir of fucks gets progressively depleted. The fucks are rarer, so we give a fuck less and less often. I've recently turned 40 and I can definit…

I respectfully disagree. As a reluctant member of the "older individuals" I too find myself giving a boatload less fucks than I used to, but the main reasons are (in no particular order):

1. I have got my crippling Generalized Anxiety Disorder under control

2. I have realized that I used to give way too many fucks about shit that didn't matter at all, and it was not worth it and actually detrimental

Mind you, those 2 are highly correlated and of interdependent causation.

What got me here:

Therapy didn't help.

Manson's book "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck" helped quite a bit, but was not "the thing".

Articles on "Don't be a victim...." "Don't play the victim...." and similar helped.

What helped immensely is to start blogging daily, and more often than daily, about the events in my life, my thinking, my reactions starting from the points of view that:

A) I am accountable for what happens to me

B) I am 100% wrong when something unpleasant happens to me

And that, in the course of a few month, changed my life in tangible manners.

While I am not a snowflake, I am a special case: I started low, very low; and - IMHO - I have come a long way in the Depression/Anxiety/Being_a_loser scale.

I do believe that to some degree something similar happens to most everyone who doesn't start for the same ultra-low point as me, with time we learn that when young we were wrong to give too many fucks about too many things.

But guess what? Giving way too many fucks about too many things is good for:

Business: Facebook, iPhone & Co

Politicians: from left to right

Religions: all of them (except for The Dude)

And that's why the messagings that we are bombarded with aim at reinforcing giving too many fucks about too many things (aka Anxiety) and the messagings aimed at kids/teenagers aim to create and instill Anxiety.

Mic drop.

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#219

Post by [deleted] »

dr_orpheus wrote: post #86
Hitton wrote: post #9

> When older people say, “This is the best time of your life, enjoy it while you can,” that’s a form of abuse. I guess that these days anything can be called "abuse".

The issue that I have seen with this phrase being used is that it is often used in response to a younger person complaining about their current life or aspects of their life. The implication of the phrase is then "well your life sucks, but it's only going to get worse". For a real life example, I knew someone who was going through some pretty serious depression in high school. Responding to which their counselor said…

[deleted]

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#220

Post by nimvlaj30 »

dr_orpheus wrote: post #86
Hitton wrote: post #9

> When older people say, “This is the best time of your life, enjoy it while you can,” that’s a form of abuse. I guess that these days anything can be called "abuse".

The issue that I have seen with this phrase being used is that it is often used in response to a younger person complaining about their current life or aspects of their life. The implication of the phrase is then "well your life sucks, but it's only going to get worse". For a real life example, I knew someone who was going through some pretty serious depression in high school. Responding to which their counselor said…

Reality is that most learn to cope with life a lot better as they grow older.

My life objectively sucks more now. I have way less free time, and am under harsher constraints. But I am saddled with way less depression and anxiety. I am enjoying life more than ever. I don't go to sleep crying or ruminating every night anymore.

People saying "well your life sucks but it's only going to get worse" are inadvertently being mean and unhelpful. I can imagine probably offing myself, had I heard that advice at the wrong moment growing up.

It didn't get worse. It got better, even though the circumstances got worse, because my ability to handle them got much better.

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