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Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

smithsonianmag.com

201–210 of 288 posts

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#201

My entirely unscientific theory is that like other cells, we're born with a limited number of fucks in our body. When we're young, we (instinctively, subconsciously) feel like our fucks reserves are plentiful, so we give a fuck about a lot of stuff. As we get older, our reservoir of fucks gets progressively depleted. The fucks are rarer, so we give a fuck less and less often. I've recently turned 40 and I can definit…

Lol, that's both a hilarious and great model for sure.

But I wonder, it seems to me doomers lost their fuck faster. Is it because they have fewer initial fucks? Or is it because they lose fuck overtime even if they don't a fuck about something? Or every time everybody else gives a fuck a doomer gives two?

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#202
post #186

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"You think that thing you're worried about is going to matter in the long term? THINK, Mark, THINK!"

My crass response to people being finicky or indecisive about dinner plans is, “ You do realize that whatever we pick is just going to be shit out by tomorrow right? ”

Most of it's breathed out (unless it's fibre-heavy).

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#203

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is hilarious and yet right on the money in some way. As you get older, you start to see that everything is the same and goes through cycles. The important stuff of my childhood (ex: having clothes that were sewhar fashionable), becomes irrelevant. Who cares if I'm wearing the same style of sandals for over 20 years now? You start to focus on what's more important to you. F** are reserved for important matters li…

The last thing you wrote is something I indirectly think about quite a lot. Imagine a place (call it heaven if you want) where time and death don’t exist. What could you possibly care about?

> What could you possibly care about?

Competition/drama with other immortals? Competition with past selves? Assuming no memory wipes.

Context switches could be annoying, given the ability to tangent across infinite time or space.

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#204

The stoics got it right several thousand years ago, now we're just waiting on the rest of humanity to catch up.

This contacts something I think about.

When we do science in a rigorous, non-anthropocentric, fashion, we find that the universe is a clockwork mechanism, life is a thermodynamically favorable process, and that there doesn't appear to be any objective meaning.

Which leads to a person asking, "Knowing this, what do I do [with myself, perhaps]?"

And I think that there are four philosophies that begin with that premise: stoicism, epicureanism, absurdism, and nihilism. And people go on and on about which one is the 'right' one, and I just think they're tools in our toolbox, suitable for different situations.

A slave from the mines of Laurium would find in stoicism very useful tools for enduring hardships in life. Epicureanism is full of tools for how to comport yourself when you have a lot of control over your surroundings.

Nihilism and absurdism contain reasons to keep getting out of bed. There isn't any objective meaning or god? Well, good news, that means that anything you decide is important is as important as if god himself said so. Still upset that there isn't any objective meaning? More good news, friend. You can keep searching for meaning even though it isn't objectively there, because the search for meaning is a rewarding human experience. And you can decide that a thing is meaningful, and that has weight because you're god.

To say that stoics 'got it right', I think, is a bit incomplete; it implicitly buys into an idea that a single philosophy or way of being is 'the right one', where instead they can each be well suited to different situations.

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#205

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I wouldn't call this abuse either but there is a huge huge gulf between "that was the best time of my life" and "this is the best time of your life. It's at best just extremely rude to tell someone about their own life and how they should feel about it.

> but there is a huge huge gulf between "that was the best time of my life" and "this is the best time of your life. Not really. It's notional advice, offered in a spirit of kindness. You don't have to like it, but labeling it 'extremely rude at best' is absolutely infantile.

It is neither advice nor kindness. Typically it is dismissal and refusal to take issues of the younger person seriously.

Using euphemism or calling it something better then it is is exactly as infantile as exaggerating. And if is lie too.

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#206
post #197

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, but I don't remember all this being so extreme even until 4-5 years ago on Twitter. From my experience, something changed around 2017 and now Twitter is a war zone.

The start of the Trump era. Trump made the left blind for the extremists on their side. Because criticizing them would mean siding with Trump. Not true of course but that’s what you get when people start to think in absolutes. “You’re either with us or part of the problem.“

I think a lot of the public space toxicity that we now witness is an extreme reaction to Trump. An autoimmune disease of sorts, but in a social context instead of biological one.

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#207
I'm 63 and for me the answer is simple: more self-awareness. I am aware of what thoughts my emotion is in response to. I am aware of how my emotions are cascading other emotions and triggering feelings based on memories of similar circumstances. I am aware of how my emotions are affecting the people around me and how their response is feeding back into my thoughts and feelings. Finally, with self-awareness comes the meta-cognition ability to debug and reprogram my thoughts and feelings. My emotions are often based on something that is not quite true, so stepping back and looking at truth based reality calms them. I developed this ability only recently. I honestly think I was sleepwalking through most of my life being driven to and fro by thoughts and feelings that were difficult to understand.

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#208
post #188

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The last thing you wrote is something I indirectly think about quite a lot. Imagine a place (call it heaven if you want) where time and death don’t exist. What could you possibly care about?

> Imagine a place (call it heaven if you want) where time and death don’t exist. What could you possibly care about? Mathematics! plushpuffin ( https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=27132468 ) mentions Greg Egan's Permutation city , and this sort of question is one of his main themes. In Diaspora , Egan explores many other possible answers; my favourite of the possible answers there, and I suspect also his, is that ev…

Mr Egan would be a little biased with that answer :)

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#209

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Babies in particular cry so much because whatever discomfort they’re experiencing is literally the worst thing that’s ever happened to them.

Conversely, they must be in an almost constant state of wonder. When was the last time you or I saw a new color for the first time? Their threshold for amazement and "this is literally the best thing I've seen in my entire life" is also much lower!

I’m 44 and still in amazement of our reality.

Re: Why do older individuals have greater control of their feelings?

#210

I'm 63 and for me the answer is simple: more self-awareness. I am aware of what thoughts my emotion is in response to. I am aware of how my emotions are cascading other emotions and triggering feelings based on memories of similar circumstances. I am aware of how my emotions are affecting the people around me and how their response is feeding back into my thoughts and feelings. Finally, with self-awareness comes the…

More reflection, sure. Experience. Humility.

But also less hormones. Young people are hormone-driven action-reaction machines.

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