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On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

residentcontrarian.substack.com

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Re: On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

#581

Post by robocat »

willcipriano wrote: post #539
Balgair wrote: post #445

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One thing to note is that birth-control may decrease libido in some women. The science is a bit mixed though. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/201902... As for the male side of things, I'm not sure if there is a environmental culprit like birth-control.

Antidepressants and antianxiety medications decrease libido as well.

Depression and anxiety usually reduce libido.

Edit: Also an unhappy relationship often can lead to poor sex, depression, and anxiety.

Re: On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

#582

Post by yamellasmallela »

slg wrote: post #167
Phrodo_00 wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Genuine question: Isn't this equivalent to equity vs equality?

In my experience, people who are against "equity" call it "equality of outcome" because it sounds more Orwellian/communistic/whatever your dystopian descriptor of choice is. Very few people actually advocate for "equality of outcome". Equity is closer to "equality of opportunity" than "equality of outcome". "Equality" is neither of those things because it doesn't correct for differences in opportunity and therefore o…

People who use "equity" really do mean equality of outcome, and that is a huge problem.

Equality of outcome is undeniably evil.

Re: On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

#583

Post by betwixthewires »

phkahler wrote: post #462
toyg wrote: post #221

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> there is no practical way to “tax and redistribute” sex. But there is a way to improve supply: give dignity to prostitution.

>> But there is a way to improve supply: give dignity to prostitution. Better yet, guys need to learn to be the kind of man women want to fvck. They're not obligated and attraction is non-negotiable. Reality can be harsh. Guys need to treat themselves with dignity and put themselves together.

Did you even read the article? We are discussing this topic from a sympathetic standpoint. Sure, the idea of "destigmatize prostitution" is an over simplified magic bullet, but so is your response. And their point would probably do more towards alleviating the problem than yours honestly. You're basically saying "want to solve the problem? That's easy: solve the problem."

Different people want different things. Prostitutes want money. Maybe "being the kind of man women want to fuck" includes being the kind of man prostitutes want to fuck, that is, being willing to give them money for sex.

The problem we are discussing is that some people aren't desirable for some reason they don't know how to do something about. Reality is harsh, that's why in order to get to the bottom of it you need more nuance. A lot of men out there want you to draw them a picture with crayons that depicts what "put themselves together" means. If they knew what it meant they'd do it in a heartbeat. Now the one thing they don't understand, that's not necessarily a solution to their problems but would still help them understand, is that there's not a one size fits all crayon drawing of that it means. Absolute statements like yours and the one you're replying to don't help much if at all.

Re: On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

#584

Post by swiley »

schnevets wrote: post #245
colanderman wrote: post #154

I feel a common issue with such "dead bedroom" discussions is the seeming lack of capacity of some parties (including some prominent toplevel comments here) to understand how deep a need for sex many people have. To think sex can be replaced with "strong friendships" is laughable to anyone who actually feels a strong desire for sex. The dead bedroom situations I've seen with my friends (M->F equally as well as F->M)…

I am frequently surprised by the number of "dead bedrooms" I know about among friends, and I sincerely believe the problem is the western world's secretly coy perception of sex. There is a superficial surface level that is extremely wrong (for example, Successful people have sex, the most successful people have the hottest sex with the hottest partners; Sex isn't about planning it's about letting the desire overcome…

I used to think this (Americans don't have sex because they're shy about it) but the data says the opposite.

Re: On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

#585

Post by yamellasmallela »

Igelau wrote: post #422
rc-1140 wrote: post #279

One thing about the post in its entirety, not just the content, that really stood out to me was that there was a commenter "kayla" who behaved exactly in the manner that the author outlined when talking about the "feminist" and "MRA" subgroups. They immediately jumped onto the aggressor's bandwagon, saying that the lowercase-i incels were simply too lazy to fix their problems even though extremely-generalized and dis…

Kayla's suggestion about prostitution was positively revolting. That position seems to hate just about everyone: incels should just go solve their problem illegally in a way that happens to be the antithesis of feminism.

Isn't sex work peak feminism? Women choosing what to do with their bodies and also earning a living?

Re: On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

#586

Post by Fargren »

ethbr0 wrote: post #567
Fargren wrote: post #556

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That would imply all sexual exclusive relationships are healthy, which is very much not the case. Sexual exclusivity and relationship health are orthogonal.

I think you're taking the set theory a bit too far...

This might just be different customs of language usage. But to me, if you say "This is a subset of That", you are saying "every case of This is also a case of That". I suppose you are using it to mean "That does not imply This", and honestly I don't think seen it used that way elsewhere.

Re: On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

#587

Post by cultofmetatron »

haskellandchill wrote: post #127

I'm an incel. It doesn't have to be sexist. I don't have any specific feelings towards women. I just know I don't get an ROI on investing in dating. So I just invest in my self for my self and allow myself one sexual interaction a month through paying for it like a service. I'm available for dating or relationships but have no expectations. It's healthy enough.

sounds more like mgtow than incel.

Re: On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

#589

Post by crocsarecool »

mrweasel wrote: post #359
waythro123123 wrote: post #52

My pet theory is that the developed or post-industrialized world is becoming increasingly two-classed. I have had the privilege of having a decent job (being so-called "economically desirable") and decent education and was able to find someone who I think loves me for who I am, for some definition of "I am". That being said, the "incel" problem concerns me. I think the existence of this entire class of individuals sh…

There was an excellent interview in Danish radio with male/couples therapist, his take was really interesting. There are three groups of men, in his view. The lower class, being uneducated and poor, the upper class, being extremely successful. Both of these group have no problem with the changing male roles or feminism, they just ignore it or it doesn't affect them. They just continue as always and it works for them.…

Please bring back the gentleman! I feel like men and women’s roles have taken a left turn from becoming equals in society to striving for sameness.

Re: On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

#590

Post by yamellasmallela »

dukeofdoom wrote: post #518

I watched this average looking girl on youtube go to stunning. She started by caring about her appearance. And started looking to basically start upgrading her self, one step at a time. 1) She started to work out regularly 2) She got a nose job 3) Buys well fitting designer clothes 4) Spends money on hair and nails 5) Wears gold jewelry and hand bags. All of these complement her appearance. When some girls go to so m…

I agree but this is only applicable to incels who are "ugly". Some people are incels because they have no "game" and that is hard to fix.

Also, not everyone can just get a nose job and be attractive magically.

I think many people in the incel community don't understand how far showering, dressing well, and working out will get them. Its much better than complaining without any action. Also, I see many of them complaining about not dating "10s" yet never bother to look at people at their level.

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