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My experience with sexual harassment in the Scala community

yifanxing.medium.com

511–520 of 779 posts

Re: My experience with sexual harassment in the Scala community

#511
> I felt bad that I made him feel untrusted and stopped asking others to join.

Mistake #1

> Remembering that he had suggested I get milk and wine in our previous conversation, I also bought them. I don’t remember how much I drank.

Mistake #2.

Obviously we're not excusing the behavior of the guy. However, when will we learn that we should not mix genders this way, and especially the many times people have been bitten with alcohol. It's bizarre really. People want to have their cake and eat it. They play with fire then cry when they get burnt.

Re: My experience with sexual harassment in the Scala community

#512
post #180

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Less than 1% of rapes lead to felony convictions: https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2018/10/06/less-than... Same article notes that between 2-8% of rape complaints are false. Worries about false rape claims are wildly overblown.

Doesn't your set of statistics show that rape accusations are 2-8 times as likely to be proven false as they are to be proven true?

Rape is hard to prove. If one party claims consent was obtained and the other that it wasn't, and there is no recording, it's going to be difficult to make a finding of fact based on the testimony of the two parties. In the absence of clear evidence of lack of consent, with no further evidence, I would expect most cases to result in a finding of not-guilty or not to ever result in a charge.

Think about what evidence would it take for you to be convinced consent was absent, beyond a reasonable doubt; and how would you provide that evidence if you were a victim in the situation in the article.

On the other hand, many false rape accusations are fabricated with completely made up details. Depending on the details, it can be easy to prove the accused (or the accuser) wasn't in the place claimed, or other details don't fit.

Re: My experience with sexual harassment in the Scala community

#513
post #499

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you get drunk downtown, does it make getting your pockets picked and your smartphone stolen your fault ? You’re stupid if you get drunk downtown with an expensive smartphone where it can be easily stolen. Still, does it mean that you have somehow to share jail time with your thief, or does it mean that the thief has to serve less time, or that your thief may go with your smartphone because it’s your fault to get d…

>If you get drunk downtown, does it make getting your pockets picked and your smartphone stolen your fault? Even if you are not drunk those are still not your fault in the way its argued here. A better (similar) analogy would be: if you are drunk and someone downtown asks you for 60$ and you give them, but tomorrow realize your mistake, is it your fault?

Worse, you can be sober and still defrauded. Again. This might prove you naïve or stupid, sure, especially if uou should have known better, but not at fault or less of a victim.

Re: My experience with sexual harassment in the Scala community

#514

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> the courts are stacked against the victims Ah, that pesky presumption of innocence getting in the way of our 100% conviction rate. /s

That wasn't being disputed. It does mean that, in the real world, a lot of victims will never see justice until there's overwhelming evidence, if ever.

[deleted]

Re: My experience with sexual harassment in the Scala community

#515
what does this have to do with Scala community? she was harassed by many people who use Scala?

Did they all wear Nike?

What mobile phones were they using, iphone, huawei?

Clickbait, trying to ruin a reputation?

To what effect is this article written is the central question.

Woman, use your head and learn from experience.

Unbelievable, the times we are living in. I wouldn't speak to this woman ever, who knows what she might write about it years later. This is insane to go public like this about your private life, and again, to what effect? You don't have to be above average intelligence to understand the whys of this drama.

Jesus...

Re: My experience with sexual harassment in the Scala community

#516

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A relative ran an online community. It was small, but not tiny There was some cyber-bullying (for lack of a better word) going on. My relative called law-enforcement, then was referred to the FBI. A case was filed and was told they would circle back on it to collect details. They never called back. My relative was never able to make contact with them about it again. Completely ignored. I can't remember the details, b…

The difference between posts like the one Yifan made about the sexual assault/rape and your news article you linked is that in one, neither person talked about what happened, and in the other, one of them is being _extremely_ clear and explicit about what happened. Don't pretend that Yifan's article is anything like that photo of the man grabbing the woman.

I guess you’re responding to something I didn’t intend to convey because I’m a little confused to find this comment.

To be clear: what I was responding to the comment that said only “contact law enforcement”. I was merely pointing out that “contact[ing] law encoforcement” is not a silver bullet.

But I was also mourning that the alternative (the court of public opinions? Is that the right phrase?) also has its problems. Sometimes it feels like we have no options.

I was not commenting on the OP’s experience.

Re: My experience with sexual harassment in the Scala community

#517

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sometimes character assassination is coordinated. I personally only slightly increase the probability of something being true when multiple accusers come forward. I still want to see proof. What if a bunch of your ex-girlfriends or ex-boyfriends got together and decided to ruin your life with accusations?

I for one, while having a mountain of ex-girlfriends/boyfriends, haven't left them vindicate enough to do something like coordinate a character assassination against me.

I once had 11 different people, all friends, accuse me of doing something bad(littering). Literally everyone was confident I did it. They all saw me do it. Everyone piled on me to just admit I did it. I said I never littered, that I hate litterers, and that I have never even eaten the kind of food item that the wrapper came from. They got even madder at me for denying that I did it, as if I was trying to gaslight them all.

Email threads were started where one person collected everyone's recollection of the events, who was there, and what happened. Every response lined up perfectly with each other. I don't think anyone explicitly coordinated their accusations, but knowing there were multiple other accusers certainly made the accusers feel more comfortable and correct in their accusations.

I was presented with the evidence, literal written testimony of 11 people who I considered my friends at the time. I was given an ultimatum to admit it or be kicked out of the group. I said I wouldn't admit it. I started looking at each person's recollection.

You know what actually happened, that all 11 people missed? There were actually 13 people in the group that day. The 13th person, that absolutely everyone forgot about, was a person who didn't normally attend the group. He is 6'10" and 350 lbs. Hard to miss. But everyone forgot about him. I called him up, put him on speaker phone in front of everyone, and asked him "Did you eat last time we hung out?" His response "yes". I then asked him "Did you throw the wrapper on the ground?" His response "yes".

I asked my friends if that settled the matter, and everyone still believed that I was the litterer. So I stopped hanging out with them.

Nobody was vindictive at the start. But they were all so confident of their own recollections that they became vindictive when I said that they weren't remembering things correctly.

Re: My experience with sexual harassment in the Scala community

#518
post #439

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No, why on earth would it?

It seems like everyone is equal, until everyone is drunk, then the women need to be treated like children and protected. Which is the very thing feminism was fighting AGAINST - having men make decisions for you. Then we blame men, say they need to do better. That seems ridiculous.

The guy was a predator, there was a clear pattern of sexual and emotional abuse.

Re: My experience with sexual harassment in the Scala community

#519
post #461

Earlier quoted context omitted.

She talks like a doll lacking any kind of autonomy. It is not "we had sex", but "he had sex with me". I don't know any woman who does not want to have unprotected sex, but just let it happen like that. Then come back for seconds, even though she is not in the mood. Are there naive young women who lack self-authority and self-esteem to say no, to an older man who needs those women to get their fix and wants to make up…

> regardless of me saying I didn’t want to Why are you making up this story that she couldn't say no? She says she said no .

> Want to hook up again later? > I am not in the mood right now, no. > Are you sure?

What happened after? Rape with her shutting down as a robot? Maybe she even cried during the sex, but he just would not stop? I am getting all these crazy unsavory visions, that could have been stopped had she poked her attacker's eye or broke his pinky finger or went to the police the next morning or something.

Re: My experience with sexual harassment in the Scala community

#520

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>This just pretty much does not happen without reason, and I think it is safe to say that if it did, you are probably a terrible person. oh c'mon, it's insanely naive, let's dont try to push narration that those things do not happen

When do they happen, and why did they happen? Edit: since I wasn't clear, I am looking for examples of when this has happened to you, or your friend, or anyone that you have heard of... Edit 2: also by "pretty much" does not happen, I don't mean never happens. But I think the rate at which it happens is probably a rounding error, and I think a lot of people would rather just say "oh well they could be lying" before e…

https://reason.com/2018/10/17/seneca-valley-mean-girls-false...

https://www.post-gazette.com/opinion/editorials/2018/10/15/A...

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