"Vinyl is able to get a slightly better S/N ratio in perfect conditions."
No. Compact Discs have an SNR of 96dB. Vinyl typically has an SNR of 60-70dB. The physics of these mediums aside, CDs are a newer technology... Why would we have gone for inferior distribution mediums?
"Most likely, CDs just don't get mastered right. The music is compressed and so even though the format is better, the music is worse"
Compression like that has more to do with radio play + the genre of music. Thankfully, the loudness wars are mostly over, but generally speaking the actual distributed master would've been the same.
"This isn't the fault of the format, but the result remains, digital music is objectively worse."
Please provide such objective citations. Mixing and mastering engineers do their best to make music that sounds good on a variety of audio systems. When I worked in a studio, we would mix on $8k genelec monitors, some cheaper monitors, and also test the mix in our cars and on our phones. Part of the art and difficulties in that was producing a mix that sounded good on great to average systems, and passable/decent on like mono phone speakers. Music and music hardware has never been more accessible than today, so I find it hard to believe that everyone a few decades ago had such amazing systems compared to today.
"Vinyl is sold to people who care about sound"
Citation needed. There are people who just want vinyl because it looks cool (especially the colored limited releases), and they go play it on a $50 Victrola all-in-one. There are CD enthusiasts who have systems worth > $200k.
"CDs are perfect - vinyl often introduces imperfections that people like to hear."
This is totally subjective. A CD is a bit-for-bit perfect representation of what the author wanted to distribute. The actual things like "warmth" that people talk about depend much more on the pre-amplifier, amplifier, and speakers.
There is nothing wrong with liking LPs (I collect them myself), but they are in no way, shape, or form better than the bit-for-bit perfect distribution of CDs (that also don't degrade every time you play one).