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Ask HN: How to Speak Confidently?

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Re: Ask HN: How to Speak Confidently?

#81

Post by amznbyebyebye »

asciimike wrote: post #61
amznbyebyebye wrote: post #52

Number one thing is just stop caring so much if you’re 100.00% correct

I disagree with this, as this is "false confidence." Correctness and humility go a lot further to true confidence, as being correct enables you to speak with authority on a subject (nobody is going to ask a follow up question that causes you to question your correctness and trips you up), and humility enables you an escape hatch to admit when you don't know (your audience will trust the things you correctly say even…

First, it’s not a binary (true or false). Second, what I meant was that some people get so caught up in being 100.00% mathematically precise that they hesitate to even say anything. No one is saying not to be humble or as correct as possible. You can be more confident just by being aware that most people don’t know that much more than you in many cases.

Re: Ask HN: How to Speak Confidently?

#82

Post by taneq »

tolbish wrote: post #80
mnw21cam wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Absolutely. Practice. Also, don't be afraid to speak slowly, and to have gaps when you aren't speaking. It doesn't make you look like an idiot or make people interrupt you - instead, it makes it easier for people to hear what you're saying, and it makes it sound like you are saying something well thought through (and it gives you time to think it through too). Also, get someone to video you giving a presentation or s…

Well stated first paragraph, but you're going to lose a lot of people with that second paragraph.

The people they'll lose are giving up some pretty important insight imo.

Re: Ask HN: How to Speak Confidently?

#84

Post by jokethrowaway »

I'll give you a tip which is what got me over my perfectionism as a kid.

Assume your contribution is not going to be perfect and just deliver your mediocre speech. You know you'll deliver a mediocre speech, so if people take it badly, it's to be expected. If people take it well, you'll be positively surprised.

Do it more and more and you'll get better.

Listen to good speeches and learn from them or flat out copy ideas.

This works with (mostly) everything you do.

Re: Ask HN: How to Speak Confidently?

#85

Post by spaetzleesser »

andredz wrote: post #59
spaetzleesser wrote: post #26

I highly recommend doing toastmasters. I also had problems with not being able to read people’s expressions while speaking and then becoming very nervous. It took me only a few speeches at toastmasters to learn that a lot of people have a blank stare or even frown while listening but actually liking the speech. I went from being super nervous and reluctant to speak to not being nervous at all in less than a year. Toa…

That sounds good. :) Would you like to share some of the other things you've done to improve your life (if it's not too personal)?

I haven’t thought deeply about this but here are some things:

- starting martial arts and then boxing. As a skinny guy it’s nice to know that you can take on most guys even if you never have to do it. This confidence is very helpful even in business situations. Being in shape also helps with the ladies...

- yoga and meditation

- traveling alone through India and other parts of Asia. Once you have survived that there aren’t many situations that feel scary.

Re: Ask HN: How to Speak Confidently?

#86

Post by lcall »

lcall wrote: post #57
yboris wrote: post #34

1. It's easiest to talk well about things you are confident about. If you're not confident, broadcast that lack of confidence clearly and proceed talking (e.g. "I'm not confident about this, but I suspect ..."). Larry King in his book gave this advice: if you're bad at public speaking, when you come out on stage, just say "I'm bad at this, I'll try my best" (manage expectations) and now you won't be as stressed if yo…

Yes. I also find myself saying "Sometimes I wonder if...", or "it seems...", or phrasing things as questions that I know will either make the point (if no one has a response), or help me learn (if I was wrong), or it simply quietly tells me that the group doesn't know and if it is very important maybe I should do more to find out. It seems that there are % confidence levels and keeping those in mind, rather than sayi…

ps: re the above: I was told in comments about a simple college paper I had to write, that some statements like that were "weak" (from a good friend, and I think he helped my paper get a better grade when I made changes; but that was just a vanilla sort of undergrad class). But Benjamin Franklin said he intentionally avoided strong statements, even when he was sure he was right, to better continue conversation with good effect and with less acrimony (or said something like that, in his autobiography, avaible free online from gutenberg.org I think). And it really seems that he, with others, made a long-term helpful impact.

Re: Ask HN: How to Speak Confidently?

#87

Post by poormystic »

I have seen many people like yourself, with similar needs, succeed. My mother teaches speech and drama under the Trinity College system. Many of her pupils have similar needs to yourself. My mother works in South Island, New Zealand, but there are many such teachers, world wide. I recommend Trinity College Speech and Drama for people with your needs.

Re: Ask HN: How to Speak Confidently?

#88

Post by Cd00d »

Lots of great advice here, but I want to add something tangential to some of the points, which is less important in a presentation than a meeting.

Own your ignorance. Nobody knows everything, and the people that are confident are the most comfortable saying "I don't know" "I don't understand" and continue on with questions until they do comprehend what's going on.

There is likely no room that you're in where if you have a question or don't understand you are the only one. State your ideas, ask your questions, and the room will be better for it.

Also, I will sometimes ask a wrong-headed or obvious question on purpose to gauge how reliable/knowledgable someone else is. Saying something that gets shot down or criticized doesn't necessarily mean the speaker should have less credibility. It's also good practice to get comfortable saying "I don't understand".

Good luck!

Re: Ask HN: How to Speak Confidently?

#89

Post by Graffur »

MeinBlutIstBlau wrote: post #28
Graffur wrote: post #19

I recommend reading this book: https://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/... I also recommend writing down your ideas. When you lose your train of thought you can refer back to what is written down. Ask for help - tell the group you've lost your train of thought and ask what was the last thing you said. People do not want to see you fail, they will help you. Acknowledge it is okay if you don't sound…

That book is snake oil written for introverts. Your ticket to confidence is public speaking, conversing with strangers, capable of holding conversations even with people you hate or are bored with, and leaving your damn room to do literally anything but staying at home. If you're still embarrassed to show vulnerability and that you have faults, you'll never be confident.

Your comment is a bit of a mess but I'll try engage.

Did you read the book? What did you get from it? Assuming you don't consider yourself an introvert, how did you come to the conclusion it is snake oil for introverts?

Public speaking is not something everyone has to do or has to enjoy. Is public speaking mandatory for an artist, a carpenter, a small business owner, a kindergarten teacher, a nurse, a fireman, an accountant? (No is the answer). Not everyone needs to do a Ted Talk :)

If you think that introverts don't leave their "damn room" you have a misunderstanding of what you're discussing.

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