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Myths About Introverts

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Re: Myths About Introverts

#71

Post by seabee »

crazymik3 wrote: post #43
Monkeyget wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Social niceties serve as a grease that makes the social interaction go smoothly. By avoiding those and being frank and direct you only introduce sand in the mechanism. There was a wonderful quote to this effect a while ago on HN but I can't quite find it.

I don't really understand how not going directly to the point can be better, for any mechanism.

I'm sorry, in which world do all these introverts live where any topic is perfectly OK to talk about at any time?

Small talk and social niceties aren't merely hot air, they are tools you can use to assess a person's mood, what they are interested in or comfortable discussing, or even whether it is productive to discuss something at all. Consider it the metadata of conversation.

Also consider that conversation is two-way communication. You reveal information about yourself not just by the answers you give, but by the questions you ask.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#72

Post by yxhuvud »

crazymik3 wrote: post #43
Monkeyget wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Social niceties serve as a grease that makes the social interaction go smoothly. By avoiding those and being frank and direct you only introduce sand in the mechanism. There was a wonderful quote to this effect a while ago on HN but I can't quite find it.

I don't really understand how not going directly to the point can be better, for any mechanism.

Oh? Then how about handshaking when doing network stuff?

Re: Myths About Introverts

#73

Post by potatolicious »

Hisoka wrote: post #7

Myth #6 describes me. I prefer authentic one on one connections rather than spreading myself "too thin". I think that's a problem w/ people with too many friends. Having too many friends is good but it also means you can't be great friends to all of them.

I used to think (and act) the same, but I think it's really an unfair judgment on extroverts. What happened is that I started dedicating more time/effort to my relationships, and what I've found is that I can maintain good, meaningful friendships with a larger sphere of people than I thought would be possible.

It's also a mistake to believe that extroverts have a large circle of loose friendships and that's it. This can't be further from the truth - everyone has close friends, and much looser acquaintances. It's one of the more annoying aspects of the "introverts are people too" movement - the constant need to put-down extroverts and the persistent claim that extroverts' relationships are predominantly shallow.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#75

Post by icegreentea »

drblast wrote: post #32

The assumption that there's something wrong with not interacting with other people eagerly and often strikes me as oddly egotistical. Other people aren't alive solely for the enjoyment of extraverts. The "problem," if there is one, is that extraverts are uncomfortable and find it difficult to interact with introverts. But this is as much the fault of extraverted people as it is of introverted people. They speak a dif…

One reason is because being passive-aggressively pissed off at someone looks very much like certain introverted responses. Likewise, an "extroverted" person with an off day will act "introverted" hence the follow up "you okay man?". In other words, a less than normal "extrovert" looks kinda like an "introvert".

Re: Myths About Introverts

#76

Post by yelsgib »

dkarl wrote: post #52

Just somebody (presumably an introvert) denying common negative generalizations about introverts without providing any supporting references or analysis. Turns out (thank you, oblique63) it was an off-the-cuff list thought up by someone who read a self-help book and was inspired to "redefine [his] entire life in a new and positive context." Seeing introversion as a preference or identity is fine as long as you have a…

You are seriously conflating "social anxiety disorder" and "introversion." The idea that a concert would "drain you so much it will be hard to enjoy" or that an introvert would have a tough time interacting with a group long enough to go on a rock climbing trip is essentially saying that an introverted person is somehow handicapped, or pushed to their introversion by a type of mental disorder.

I identify as an introvert. I like thinking about mind, experience, truth, math, language, etc. I don't have a social anxiety disorder or any other type of anxiety disorder, so I'm not afraid to join a rock climbing group or any other type of group. I go dancing. I make small talk. These things can be introverted activities, if you make them.

My M.O. with respect to social situations seems to be "create comfort zone -> expand comfort zone." Since I'm an introvert, I tend to bring people into my world rather than go into theirs.

That being said, I vastly prefer spending time with one person whom I really like to a bunch of people who I vaguely like. I also hate carnivals.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#77

Post by hugh3 »

Shenglong wrote: post #18

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts. I don't know if "fix" is the right word in the complete, but they can definitely change. I used to follow that list pretty closely - and while there's nothing intrinsically wrong with that, I realized that it can be extremely socially disadvantageous. Regardless of how smart someone is, it's an undeniable fact that in this world, almost all the time, you…

I agree, it seems to me that "introversion" and "poorly developed social skills and/or low confidence" are often confused with one another.

We all know that there's a big overlap between liking something and being good at it, and similarly between being bad at something and disliking it. I used to hate running, until I got to be good at it, at which point I started liking it. It's the same thing with social interactions -- people who suck at them will dislike them. If your conversations with strangers are full of awkward pauses and struggling to find something to say then no wonder you hate talking to strangers.

But social skills can be improved through practice, so it's not surprising to see some introverts becoming less introverted as they get better at talking to people.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#78

Post by a3_nm »

"Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up."

This seems surprisingly simplistic. Is there actually any serious science to back this?

Re: Myths About Introverts

#79

Post by Helianthus »

parfe wrote: post #42

This article is nothing more than a chain-mail style bullshit list and it's sad to see it voted up so highly. I suppose it's a nice ego-stroke for all the self described introverts, but most of the "myths" are actually supported by their counter-descriptions. The Original Source appears to be: http://www.carlkingcreative.com/10-myths-about-introverts They hate small talk. Small talk is a social skill. and when meetin…

I agree with your general point about the chain-mail style bullshit, but it's not just an ego-stroke for self-described introverts: many are value judgments against introverts.

>Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.

Introverts (in my experience) _reject the concept of weird_. Social decisions like who's "in" and who's "out" hold no weight. Until this is understood, you're (by you I mean the writer, not you, parfe) not countering the myth that introverts are weird, you're just explaining the reasons people say that introverts are weird.

>Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race.

Again, what is "broken?"

It reads like an extrovert making a poor attempt to explain what he knows of introversion to other extroverts.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#80

Post by hugh3 »

seabee wrote: post #71
crazymik3 wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't really understand how not going directly to the point can be better, for any mechanism.

I'm sorry, in which world do all these introverts live where any topic is perfectly OK to talk about at any time? Small talk and social niceties aren't merely hot air, they are tools you can use to assess a person's mood, what they are interested in or comfortable discussing, or even whether it is productive to discuss something at all. Consider it the metadata of conversation. Also consider that conversation is two-…

It also establishes the fundamental fact "This is a friendly conversation".

If I walk into my subordinate's office right now and say "Have you finished that graph yet?" then that communicates that I'm really impatient about getting that graph. Which would be fine if I am, but I'm not. If I do that, I'll just make him jumpy and anxious.

Instead I'll wander down to his office and start with a "Hey, how's it going?" before asking about the graph, cuz I'm not actually impatient to get it, I'm just interested to know whether he's making progress or whether there's anything I need to help him with. The smalltalk is basically just equivalent to "I come in peace".

If I were a gorilla I'd probably have to do this with gestures and facial expressions, but since I'm a human I have this extra tool in my arsenal to communicate the non-threatening nature of my approach. Awesome!

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