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Myths About Introverts

jerrybrito.org

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Re: Myths About Introverts

#41

Post by bluekeybox »

drblast wrote: post #32

The assumption that there's something wrong with not interacting with other people eagerly and often strikes me as oddly egotistical. Other people aren't alive solely for the enjoyment of extraverts. The "problem," if there is one, is that extraverts are uncomfortable and find it difficult to interact with introverts. But this is as much the fault of extraverted people as it is of introverted people. They speak a dif…

> Why are extraverts so threatened by anyone who won't interact with them on their terms?

I act as an extravert in certain situations and as an introvert in others, so I feel qualified to answer your question. Extraverts don't always interact with everyone -- for example, in circles where social cliques are established, extraverts will interact with people outside of their clique less often. I call this "exclusionary" behavior -- one that serves to maintain the exclusiveness of the clique. Given that cases of extreme introversion are rare, an extravert A is more likely to interpret another individual B (who could well be an extreme introvert) as another extravert who simply shuns individual A so as to exclude A from his or her clique.

The reason this "misinterpretation" occurs is because extreme introversion is rare (1% of the population?) while exclusionary behavior (shunning others to maintain exclusive cliques) is relatively highly prevalent (20% of the population?). So the conditional probability that individual B is not an introvert but an extravert exhibiting exclusionary behavior is high. Basically, the extravert A makes a correct conclusion given the limited information he/she possesses. Because the introvert B is unlikely to engage into conversation with A, the individual A will never gain more information about B and will therefore maintain the conclusion that B is an asshole.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#42

Post by parfe »

This article is nothing more than a chain-mail style bullshit list and it's sad to see it voted up so highly. I suppose it's a nice ego-stroke for all the self described introverts, but most of the "myths" are actually supported by their counter-descriptions.

The Original Source appears to be: http://www.carlkingcreative.com/10-myths-about-introverts

They hate small talk.

Small talk is a social skill. and when meeting a new person small talk is generally all you have. This basically affirms the "myth".

They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings

Talk about a value judgment on non-introverts. Being polite is more important than being pointlessly honest.

If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life.

If only I could find myself a loyal friend who can't make idle talk, will talk for days about things that only interest him and won't want to do much out in public.

They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.”

Ah yes, pity those non-introverts that take weeks to figure "it" out.

Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve.

Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Non-introverts are mindless slaves to culture and advertising!

it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Or said in a way to not flex the ego "Their inner world is comforting and welcoming without challenge from outside stimulus."

Re: Myths About Introverts

#43

Post by crazymik3 »

Monkeyget wrote: post #39
46Bit wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If we're going to keep to narrow introvert/extrovert definitions here, then to an extrovert only is that rude. Personally I find small talk and social pleasantries little more than a way to waste time and pretend you care more than you really do. I rely on the pretty sensible concept that if someone has anything important to tell me, they'll come out with it. Besides, the internet is wonderful for me because social n…

Social niceties serve as a grease that makes the social interaction go smoothly. By avoiding those and being frank and direct you only introduce sand in the mechanism. There was a wonderful quote to this effect a while ago on HN but I can't quite find it.

I don't really understand how not going directly to the point can be better, for any mechanism.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#44

Post by astrofinch »

ignifero wrote: post #13
jhamburger wrote: post #10

Here's a myth held by introverts. Introverts (rightly) believe that extroverts don't understand them, but they don't understand extroverts as well as they think they do. Case in point, the commonly held belief on HN that extroverts mostly BS their way through life while the introverts are doing the real work. In reality we introverts probably don't understand how incredibly nuanced seemingly superficial relationships…

As an introvert, i understand very well how extroverts think. For years i tried to become more extroverted, only to discover at a certain point that it's a dysfunctional path that leads to a superficial, seemingly fullfilling but unfocused and non-goal-directed lives. The nuance of conversation is a charm, it fades fast. The way I see it is time management: life is short, do you want to spend most of it dealing with…

Let's distinguish between introvert vs extrovert and thinking like a cat vs thinking like a dog.

http://www.ribbonfarm.com/2009/08/06/on-seeing-like-a-cat/

In principle, it seems possible to have more interest in things than people ("think like a cat") but still get energized by people when you're with them (or, continue thinking like a cat when you're around them and explore how you can subtly direct social interactions or explain the behavior of others using simple theories like status preservation).

Re: Myths About Introverts

#45

Post by wccrawford »

davidcuddeback wrote: post #35
wccrawford wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Actually, you'll find that in some places, it isn't rude to be straightforward and honest. And even blunt. You have to actually start insulting people to be considered 'rude' in those places. Introverts like those places.

Which places are those? Are you talking about geographical locations, or do you mean "places" like in a focus group or an R&D department? If there is a geographical location where the cultural norm is to be straightforward and honest, I would like to visit there to see what it is like.

Both, but since you wanted an example:

http://www.expatharem.com/2011/03/09/rude-honesty/

Re: Myths About Introverts

#46

Post by Shenglong »

pavel_lishin wrote: post #31
Shenglong wrote: post #18

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts. I don't know if "fix" is the right word in the complete, but they can definitely change. I used to follow that list pretty closely - and while there's nothing intrinsically wrong with that, I realized that it can be extremely socially disadvantageous. Regardless of how smart someone is, it's an undeniable fact that in this world, almost all the time, you…

But do you enjoy acting extroverted? Do you enjoy gossipping and seeking out drama? Do you get bored when you've been alone for too long?

Yes, I've grown to enjoy it. It's hard to fake enthusiasm when you're not genuinely having fun. No, I don't get bored when I'm alone, and I don't get bored when I'm with people either. It depends on the situation, and I really do think being able to switch is important.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#47

Post by sambeau »

I'm often surprised at how many performers are introverts. I have known people who while barely saying a word and make eye contact in close social contact are able to get up on stage and sing, perform and show-off in front of hundreds.

A few famous examples: Michael Stipe of R.E.M., George Harrison of The Beatles, Jimi Hendrix.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#48

Post by orangecat »

Monkeyget wrote: post #39
46Bit wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If we're going to keep to narrow introvert/extrovert definitions here, then to an extrovert only is that rude. Personally I find small talk and social pleasantries little more than a way to waste time and pretend you care more than you really do. I rely on the pretty sensible concept that if someone has anything important to tell me, they'll come out with it. Besides, the internet is wonderful for me because social n…

Social niceties serve as a grease that makes the social interaction go smoothly. By avoiding those and being frank and direct you only introduce sand in the mechanism. There was a wonderful quote to this effect a while ago on HN but I can't quite find it.

Social niceties serve as a grease that makes the social interaction go smoothly.

Again, for extroverts. For (many) introverts forced small talk is unnatural and often makes interactions more awkward.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#49

Post by sambe »

davidcuddeback wrote: post #35
wccrawford wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Actually, you'll find that in some places, it isn't rude to be straightforward and honest. And even blunt. You have to actually start insulting people to be considered 'rude' in those places. Introverts like those places.

Which places are those? Are you talking about geographical locations, or do you mean "places" like in a focus group or an R&D department? If there is a geographical location where the cultural norm is to be straightforward and honest, I would like to visit there to see what it is like.

The Dutch are known for this.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#50

Post by rapind »

pavel_lishin wrote: post #34
rapind wrote: post #26

#1 Introverts are not introverts. It's a generalization and simplification that's more often wrong than right.

Can you expand on that? I sort of want to downvote you because what you said didn't make sense. Type-A personalities aren't Type-A personalities.

As an example, I read over his points and find myself agreeing with about 60% of them, while the other 40% don't describe me at all.

Labels like Introvert are nice and neat, but unfortunately not very realistic.

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