Ask HN: What was the biggest contributor to your happiness in the past year? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: What was the biggest contributor to your happiness in the past year?

#431

Post by jmfldn » Sun, Mar 21, 2021, 5:41 PM UTC

cosmodisk wrote: post #294

jmfldn wrote: post #262

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah totally agree. The UK is much more enlightened and progressive than a lot of Europe on many things (unfashionable opinion, particularly for a "remainer" like me)

I'm from mainland Europe and have been living in the UK for more than a decade: bundling up all European countries under one 'Europe' umbrella isn't helping. There's insane variety between countries, cultures, and attitudes towards work. The UK in some aspects is ahead,while in others decades behind and the comparisons are often very difficult.

"I'm from mainland Europe and have been living in the UK for more than a decade: bundling up all European countries under one 'Europe' umbrella isn't helping"

Sure, Im not implying that Europe is homogenous, just that there are certain areas (eg WFH policies) where UK is an outlier. To this extent you can draw very general distinctions. Similarly you could draw distinctions between France or Italy vs the rest of Europe. Every country has its outlying traits.

Re: Ask HN: What was the biggest contributor to your happiness in the past year?

#432

Post by jmfldn » Sun, Mar 21, 2021, 5:47 PM UTC

throwawaybbqed wrote: post #351

jmfldn wrote: post #260

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"Working from home. I realised being in an office - especially an open-plan office - was setting off my social anxiety all the time." This! It's been such a game changer for me too. My career has been turbo charged over the last year. The change has been so dramatic that I won't switch to a company that doesnt have a remote-first policy. I'll forego money and promotion opportunities for it. The stress and anxiety red…

I'd like to point out that as a manager, my stress and anxiety level have gone through the roof during this WFH period. As I was an IC for many years, I completely see your point but I'd like to point out the other side. I've talked to several other managers in my org, and I am not alone. Some part of it may be that older people (who are likely to be in management) are more likely to have kids (which led to untenable…

"I'd like to point out that as a manager, my stress and anxiety level have gone through the roof during this WFH period"

That's interesting for sure. I guess, as with so many things that happened during covid, the effects on people have been extremely varied. Sorry to hear that you've struggled as so many no doubt have.

The tricky part is going to be how to reconcile these different needs. A hybrid flexible approach is necessary but getting that right will take a lot of iteration.

My company isn't going fully remote, it's going to be a hybrid approach but with no mandate to come in on a given day. We are very strong when it comes to self-organising teams and autonomy so I think it will work. We don't really look to management for more than a high level steer, we all are expected to own our area to a high degree. Phoning it in wouldn't work therefore, it would be obvious to the team that someone was lagging. For other organisational styles this flexible approach could be challenging but it does seem to work for us at least.

Re: Ask HN: What was the biggest contributor to your happiness in the past year?

#433

Post by bckr » Sun, Mar 21, 2021, 6:04 PM UTC

gonehome wrote: post #383

Viker wrote: post #352

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Because you end up feeding a primate/reproductive prime control system, using unlimited and synthetic input. The system was never designed for the this kind of "bandwidth". Since we are biological machines, other parts of the organism need to compensate... This compensation is very dangerous in the long run both from a personal and a social side. You could argue the same about entertainment. But seeking it is not a p…

And yet it’s still possible to eat ice cream even though such a thing would not be found on the savanna. Some people can’t control this and become wildly obese, but others eat ice cream, understand what it is, and get on with their life.

I don't think the focus should be on "understanding what it is". Others eat ice cream and don't get into a physiological loop that they can't control without a lot of hardship and scientific tools.

Re: Ask HN: What was the biggest contributor to your happiness in the past year?

#434

Post by yellowapple » Sun, Mar 21, 2021, 6:26 PM UTC

Nbox9 wrote: post #263

meken wrote: post #223

Getting a nice car. I’m prone to depression if I stay in the house too long. Having a nice car means when I roll out of bed in the morning, I’m able to head straight to a nice, comfortable, private, warm space and start listening to meaningful podcasts, audiobooks, get breakfast, head to the gym, and get a consistent good start on the day. I’m not sure if I can go back to city living at this point if it means giving…

In contrast I hate driving cars. I feel like it’s my least favorite tool. I have a nice car, I’ve driven even nicer cars in different styles and hated them all. Driving requires so much of my attention I feel like it’s invasive. In addition I feel like I have to sit relatively still and use my muscles in very particular way. It’s a trap for my mind in body, and an experience I don’t find pleasant. I am an American an…

> Driving requires so much of my attention I feel like it’s invasive.

Weirdly, this is why I like driving. The more attention needed (e.g. snow driving, offroad driving), the more I seem to enjoy it. It's kind of meditative, in a way; on the one hand, it forces me to backburner a lot of lingering thoughts, and on the other hand, that backburnering gives 'em time to "cook" (so to speak) and accumulate new insights to be stumbled upon as soon as they become front and center again.

Re: Ask HN: What was the biggest contributor to your happiness in the past year?

#435

Post by giantg2 » Sun, Mar 21, 2021, 6:28 PM UTC

loeg wrote: post #407

giantg2 wrote: post #335

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"it's very achievable for most engineers in the US" I feel like this isn't true at all for retiring prior to age 50. You have to adjust for cost of living and the area's median income. The median income in my state is $60k-65k and my salary is about $85k. I'm a midlevel dev in the industry for 9 years (no way could I retire at 15-20 years, even for a lower paying job). I also have a family to support. I do live withi…

Where do you live that has a moderately high cost of living and a 9-years of experience dev can only demand $85k? I feel like that is an uncommon combination in the US.

Philadelphia region, which seems to me like the worst US market for IT pay vs cost of living.

There are some bonuses and profit sharing that might bump it $5k-15k. The housing market here has been hot for years now. Even with a long commute a builder grade house in the 1500-1800 sf range on less than an acre is over $250k with about $4-5k in taxes. It's about double that price if the commute is half as long. As an idea of cost of living, labor charge for stuff like a mechanic or plumber is about $100/hr.

Re: Ask HN: What was the biggest contributor to your happiness in the past year?

#436

Post by neolog » Sun, Mar 21, 2021, 6:30 PM UTC

1123581321 wrote: post #273

neolog wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Wow. Is that a real measured number, or are you guessing?

It’s based on wearing an Apple Watch to bed with HeartWatch and AutoSleep running. About a month of night data preceding the therapy and two months since then.

That's amazing.

Re: Ask HN: What was the biggest contributor to your happiness in the past year?

#437

Post by hasbot » Sun, Mar 21, 2021, 6:31 PM UTC

kirubakaran wrote: post #403

hasbot wrote: post #367

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Interestingly, I found the dishwasher produced more stress than handwashing. Living alone, it takes days to fill up the dishwasher to a level where running it isn't wasteful. Every day, I'd eye how full it was and judge whether it was "worth it" to run it that day. Meanwhile, any time I cooked invariably the pot or pan I needed was sitting dirty in the dishwasher. With hand washing, I just spend 15 minutes usually ev…

An average faucet flows at 2 gallons per minute. An average dishwasher uses 4 gallons of water. Unless you can do your dishes in 2 minutes, dishwasher uses less water. Ref https://www.cnet.com/how-to/how-much-water-do-dishwashers-us...

You leave your water running while you wash your dishes?!

Having lived off-grid without running water, I know very precisely that I use slightly more than a gallon of water to hand wash my dishes. No way a dishwasher beats that.

It's a moot point anyway. I don't have a dishwasher and I'm certainly not going to remodel my kitchen to make room for one.

Re: Ask HN: What was the biggest contributor to your happiness in the past year?

#438

Post by hasbot » Sun, Mar 21, 2021, 6:32 PM UTC

loeg wrote: post #413

hasbot wrote: post #367

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Interestingly, I found the dishwasher produced more stress than handwashing. Living alone, it takes days to fill up the dishwasher to a level where running it isn't wasteful. Every day, I'd eye how full it was and judge whether it was "worth it" to run it that day. Meanwhile, any time I cooked invariably the pot or pan I needed was sitting dirty in the dishwasher. With hand washing, I just spend 15 minutes usually ev…

> it takes days to fill up the dishwasher to a level where running it isn't wasteful Dishwashers are much more efficient than you think -- more than handwashing. Just run it every day or two.

Having lived off-grid without running water, I know very precisely that I use slightly more than a gallon of water to hand wash my dishes. No way a dish-washer beats that.

Re: Ask HN: What was the biggest contributor to your happiness in the past year?

#439

Post by giantg2 » Sun, Mar 21, 2021, 6:36 PM UTC

gonehome wrote: post #409

giantg2 wrote: post #309

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I feel like there's a lot a brainwashing and manipulation even when spouses aren't physically abusive. My wife tells me stuff that just doesn't make sense. When I sold my nice car and quit doing track days when we got married with plans to have kids, she kept telling me that I could've kept it and that the only reason I had it must have been to get girls. That simply wasn't true. And keep it? Using what money! I pay…

Many people have terrible social skills, and introspection. There’s also the issue that many people choose mates because they want to have sex with them, or because they were young, or gave them attention, or were just around (or some combination of all these things). People are awful at choosing long term mates and the discussion around this and the selection criteria is really bad. If your partner has core value di…

The values are mostly the same. The two big issued in this case are that she's never lived alone, so never learned many basic life skills. It's not terrible, but can get annoying when you're the one in a fulltime job and watches the kid on most nights and weekends, doing all the shopping, cooking, financial, legal, medical, mechanical, and property upkeep work.

The second thing is that she stated before marriage that she likes the country and wants to own a small horse farm. I, incorrectly, assumed that ment moving to a cheaper area. Who has $1M+ dollars for 10-20 acres in this area? Not to mention land in that amount is pretty rare as the county's population density metrics list it as urbanized.

Oh well.

Re: Ask HN: What was the biggest contributor to your happiness in the past year?

#440

Post by yellowapple » Sun, Mar 21, 2021, 6:38 PM UTC

brainless wrote: post #29

Staying away from the startup hustle and city life. I have been constantly disturbed by the chase in the startup system. Building up something out of own passion is one thing, but trying to act like the investor-led founders has been driving me crazy for years. I live a village life now, do much less software work. Have dialed down my ambitions and I am actually very happy. I do feel that my skills, acquired over 15…

Yep. I moved to SF for a bit over a year, at the behest of my previous employer (which wanted me to work out of their HQ). Probably the most stressful period of my life, both financially and emotionally. Yeah, it was fun for the first couple weeks, but once the novelty wore off I was just left feeling claustrophobic and imprisoned.

I moved back to Reno right at the start of 2020, and it was an immediate change for the better. Less financial stress, and much easier/quicker to escape the city. And this is even amid COVID; I strongly suspect once the stress of an ongoing pandemic subsides I'll be fully back in my "zone", so to speak.