Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Why is the deathbed perspective considered so valuable?

aeon.co

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

71–80 of 156 posts

Re: Why is the deathbed perspective considered so valuable?

#71

Post by Trasmatta »

taxicabjesus wrote: post #43
pomian wrote: post #23

The most poignant last words I heard from someone about to die, and did 2 hours later: "I don't want to die." Gives one a lot to think about.

> "I don't want to die." Gives one a lot to think about. Doesn't seem poignant, I think this is sad. In a previous comment I said, "In America we have an odd relationship with the inevitable. Sometimes people get a terminal diagnosis, and sometimes they fight it. ..." [0] Fighting the inevitable is not a noble way to go. Sometimes people can forestall their passing for a few weeks, months or years, but the reaper com…

This comment seems a lot easier to write for somebody who's not on their deathbed. It's one thing to wax poetic about how somebody should approach death, and it's another thing to actually face it yourself. I think there's something important about the phrase "I don't want to die", and it's not particularly helpful to be dismissive of that. Most of us are going to be scared when facing death, and I think that's okay.

Re: Why is the deathbed perspective considered so valuable?

#72

Post by hc-taway »

jolux wrote: post #40
nullserver wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Some people lie like they breathe, it’s automatic, and doesn’t have any meaning. It’s not meant to be malicious.

Does the intent really matter?

> Well said, Cephalus, I replied; but as concerning justice, what is it? --to speak the truth and to pay your debts --no more than this? And even to this are there not exceptions? Suppose that a friend when in his right mind has deposited arms with me and he asks for them when he is not in his right mind, ought I to give them back to him? No one would say that I ought or that I should be right in doing so, any more than they would say that I ought always to speak the truth to one who is in his condition.

Intent very much matters. It's right there at the beginning of the reading on the topic. (The Republic, Book I)

Re: Why is the deathbed perspective considered so valuable?

#73

Post by mongo_lover »

As someone that has had one or two "deathbed" experiences, I can say two things struck me about them

1) I felt complete peace about dying. In fact, I had to reason myself towards wanting to live

2) I felt a level of clarity about what was important to me that I have never felt before (or since). I struggle to incorporate that into my life on an ongoing basis.

I think these experiences were a terrible gift. I would wish everyone experienced the clarity I had but I could not wish you had to go where I did to get it.

Re: Why is the deathbed perspective considered so valuable?

#74

Post by Sileni »

Cthulhu_ wrote: post #15
coldtea wrote: post #4

For a: - "I should have done X" (regret because X wasn't followed) there are probably as many: - "I should not have done X" (regret because X was followed and made things shit) Even the "should not have worked as hard" would be most likely balanced with others saying: "should not have been as slack or loose at work, and did something important, made some legacy" In the end, nothing really matters, and the perspective…

I am more and more getting irked by the "should not have worked so hard" crowd, or to be more precise, the ones that go "just quit and go backpacking". Great if you're young, wealthy and have a good social safety net (read: rich parents), not so much for the other 99% of the population. I tried it once, going out of my comfort zone to do the backpacking thing, but it just wasn't for me. I'm not very social, have trou…

I agree. I did it towards the end of 2019 and completely torpedoed my life.

Because of COVID I didn't even get to do much actual hiking or backpacking as I planned; I went out to the west coast and everything shut down basically as soon as I got settled in.

Then I had a couple of deaths in the family due to COVID. The nest egg I had built up for the trip would have been really helpful, but I essentially wasted it to sit in an apartment. Now I'm searching for jobs nowhere close to where I was at because my industry took a massive hit.

Life's a dice roll. Hedge your bets.

Re: Why is the deathbed perspective considered so valuable?

#75

Post by dllthomas »

JoeAltmaier wrote: post #25
Iv wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Deathbeds are where people have maximum experience and low incentive to lie. Nothing magical. Louis XIV saying "I loved war too much" on his deathbed gives a perspective to his life achievements.

People lie. On their deathbeds with the sense of impending finality they will do their damndest to come up with anything at all to feel better. Lie to God (I'll convert! I'll be a better person!), lie to their spouse (I was always faithful, and always loved you!), lie to themselves (It's not that bad! I'll live.) Pack any situation with emotion and adrenaline, you'll get world-class mental gymnastics. Look at the exc…

There's less and different incentive to lie, which helps make it a potentially interesting perspective. Though there is also less disincentive to lie, as repercussions of being found out won't be experienced. IDK how it nets out except that it's still probably different.

Re: Why is the deathbed perspective considered so valuable?

#76

Post by throwaway98797 »

elil17 wrote: post #65

The big empirical evidence that those deathbed platitudes are right: The Harvard Adult Development Study. The results are clear: achievements (even for people who achieve incredible, world changing things that most of us could never hope to come close to) aren't strongly correlated with happiness at any age. Good interpersonal relationships, in contrast, are the most powerful happiness determining factor.

Until you realize that some achievements are needed to have good relationships.

Re: Why is the deathbed perspective considered so valuable?

#77

Post by mc32 »

TeMPOraL wrote: post #61
jolux wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Does the intent really matter?

It matters, in the same way intent matters when you cut somebody with a blade. Was it attempted murder? Self-defense? Carelessness? Accident? Surgery? Lies, similarly, are fundamentally destructive - a lie is a piece of invalid data that corrupts, to smaller or greater extent, the minds of everyone who come in contact with it. Incorporating a lie in your reasoning moves you further from accurately perceiving reality.…

I would hope lies to protect another person from harm are allowable.

We suspect an enemy of the revolution is being harbored in hour house. Are you hiding this person? (forgive the preposterous example, but I hope you get my intent). It could be someone hiding from a jealous lover, someone hiding from loan sharks, etc.

Re: Why is the deathbed perspective considered so valuable?

#78

Post by nineplay »

bboylen wrote: post #69
nineplay wrote: post #51

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The "I should not have worked as hard" deathbed quote has always bugged me. There are plenty of people who think they could have been more or done more. It's not a perfect example, but there are plenty of "Walter White"s who taught high-school science and think they were capable of so much more. I find it is happening among some women I know who chose to stay at home and now, as the kids are getting older, are thinki…

I feel like people often regret not taking the risk to go work (hard) on something they find meaningful. Not sure if as many regret that they didn't put in the extra hours to get to the next level in a big corporation.

I think there are people who do regret not getting to the next big level. They thought they could have been a good (software) architect or director or principal, they thought they could have really made some lasting difference, but instead they were a cog their whole lives.

Success is important, feeling successful is important. It can be hard to be happy with "good enough".

Re: Why is the deathbed perspective considered so valuable?

#79

Post by elil17 »

throwaway98797 wrote: post #76
elil17 wrote: post #65

The big empirical evidence that those deathbed platitudes are right: The Harvard Adult Development Study. The results are clear: achievements (even for people who achieve incredible, world changing things that most of us could never hope to come close to) aren't strongly correlated with happiness at any age. Good interpersonal relationships, in contrast, are the most powerful happiness determining factor.

Until you realize that some achievements are needed to have good relationships.

I'm curious what those would be

Re: Why is the deathbed perspective considered so valuable?

#80

Post by notriddle »

throwaway98797 wrote: post #76
elil17 wrote: post #65

The big empirical evidence that those deathbed platitudes are right: The Harvard Adult Development Study. The results are clear: achievements (even for people who achieve incredible, world changing things that most of us could never hope to come close to) aren't strongly correlated with happiness at any age. Good interpersonal relationships, in contrast, are the most powerful happiness determining factor.

Until you realize that some achievements are needed to have good relationships.

You don't need to be a millionaire to make friends.
Post reply on HN