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The unusual ways Western parents raise children

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Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#431

Post by faitswulff »

llimos wrote: post #308

Speaking as a parent of 5. Parental mental health has a much bigger effect on the child than choice of methodologies. You really need to look after yourself before you can look after them - so if you are suffering from sleep deprivation, doing what you have to do is the right thing to do. Put your own oxygen mask on first.

Exactly this. Being able to stay sane, levelheaded, and get necessary things done is probably far more impactful than sleep methodologies, baby wearing, breast versus formula fed, or any of the thousand of analysis paralysis inducing choices that parents have to make.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#432

Post by watwut »

meowster wrote: post #382
jkubicek wrote: post #272

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That seems normal to me? I'm well-past the teenage years, and I wouldn't commit to a weekend activity without double-checking with the rest of my family first.

I think it's "normal" only in the sense that most everyone behaves this way today, but I don't think it should be that way. By the time I was older in Scouts, my siblings were in college and my parent could drive me to wherever, or at least to the meeting place where I could carpool. The times when my parent wasn't available, I took the city bus. I imagine if one of my siblings was was the same age and our parent cou…

I dont think the person you responded to was thinking about driving vs busses.

Basically, you are 16 and want to spend whole weekend out of house including during the night. Not doing it without parental permission seems normal to me.

Nor it seems new. My gradma or grandpa definitely could not just spend whole night and weekend away just by own decision. They would expect my parents to ask them for permission. I was expected the same.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#433

Post by Someone1234 »

thombee wrote: post #395
lqet wrote: post #145

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not so sure this is necessarily a western thing. When I was a kid in Germany in the 90ies, school started at 7:30, and ended at 13:00. Once a week you had afternoon school from 14:30 to 16:00, and my parents wanted me to have piano lessons once a week. But after 13:00, and on weekends, I was generally free to do whatever I wanted. I played computer games excessively and watched a lot of movies, of course, but I also…

Isn't Germany western?

Yes, thus their point.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#434

Post by thebruce87m »

jqgatsby wrote: post #325
eurusdac wrote: post #214

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree, my advice to any new parent would be to listen carefully to advice about how not to drown your child while bathing them, and how to make sure they're not suffocated by their bedding. Both real issues where some simple practices avoid the small risk of an absolutely catastrophic outcome. Then take all other advice with a pinch of salt. Just follow your best instincts and do what seems right. Your child will b…

Hey, wait, what is the advice to avoid drowning, other than not leaving them alone? Is there some subtle hazard I’m unaware of?

Never leave them for even a second in the bath (drowning) and never leave them alone with food (choking).

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#435

Post by bitshiftfaced »

PebblesRox wrote: post #244
bitshiftfaced wrote: post #144

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was under the impression that the risk of SIDS isn't the only thing when it comes to bed sharing. Adult beds are softer and have more give, so babies get turned over more easily so that their airway can get blocked in the mattress. There are more things like pillows and blankets that can get block the airway. And then there's of course the parent that's sleeping next to them. Do all of those risks get clumped into…

The other part of the equation is practicing safe bedsharing practices like the safe sleep seven guidelines: "If you are: 1. A nonsmoker 2. Sober and unimpaired 3. A breastfeeding mother and your baby is: 4. Healthy and full-term 5. On his back 6. Lightly dressed and you both are: 7. On a safe surface Then your baby in bed with you is at no greater risk for SIDS than if he’s nearby in a crib."[0] A safe sleep surface…

Of the 16 citations in this article, most of them don't seem to have to do with the question of whether bedsharing (under the seven conditions) increases the chance of SIDS and/or suffocation.

Citation 12 hypothesizes why bedsharing with a breast-feeding mother reduces the time infants sleep in the prone position.

Citation 14 through 16 is about breast-feeding vs not breast-feeding in regards to bedsharing.

Citation 11 contains two studies, one with 20 mother/infant pairs and the other with 26 mother/infant pairs. It compares breast-feeding vs not breast-feeding with regards to bedsharing.

I don't see how that allows the author to come to the conclusion that "safe sleep seven" practices result in the same chance of SIDS/suffocation as crib sleeping best practices. It looks like the author is making a claim and citing sources that only justify why the author believes that claim to be true. It doesn't actually provide statistical evidence that the claim is true.

Here's a study that showed that bedsharing increases the risk of SIDS, even when the parents don't smoke or take alcohol or drugs (although the absolute risk is small in both cases, 0.08 vs 0.23 per 1000 live births): https://bmjopen.bmj.com/content/3/5/e002299.short

Edit: I found a couple of other studies that said there wasn't significant difference in risk of SIDS when you take out non-breastfeeding / smoking / drinking / etc. However, that brings me to my earlier question: do these statistics lump together suffocation with SIDS?

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#436

Post by rustybelt »

enobrev wrote: post #286
gdubs wrote: post #171

One of the hardest thing about being a parent today is the constant shame and confusion about the “right” way to do it. We don’t live in a hunter gatherer society anymore, we just don’t. There’s lots of wisdom in that way of life, and sure we could learn from it — but there’s enough anxiety as it is, parents don’t need more of it. We have three kids and we sleep trained them. (Not a pediatrician, standard disclaimer.…

I'm positive of two things in regards to being a parent (and a human): 1. I have no idea what I'm doing 2. Neither does anyone else.

I'll add, the people saying something works and the people saying it doesn't are both right.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#437

Post by heleninboodler »

NovaJehovah wrote: post #309
gdubs wrote: post #171

One of the hardest thing about being a parent today is the constant shame and confusion about the “right” way to do it. We don’t live in a hunter gatherer society anymore, we just don’t. There’s lots of wisdom in that way of life, and sure we could learn from it — but there’s enough anxiety as it is, parents don’t need more of it. We have three kids and we sleep trained them. (Not a pediatrician, standard disclaimer.…

I'll probably get downvoted, but I strongly disagree with this mindset. Raising kids is not a fun hobby or a side project that will fit into a neat little drawer in your life. You have an obligation to do the best that you can. Yeah, it's hard. Yeah, it's stressful. Like it or not, that's what you signed up for. So step up. Like anything else in life, you can do a good job or a bad job at being a parent. If you're pr…

> You have an obligation to do the best that you can. Yeah, it's hard. Yeah, it's stressful. Like it or not, that's what you signed up for. So step up.

I'm not downvoting you but I strongly disagree. You have an obligation to do an adequate job of this. I think it's also important not to become a slave to the idea that you must always do more because it's "supposed to be hard." Doing a great job of raising kids doesn't have to be a grueling slog, and I suspect that people who think it does aren't doing as good a job as they think they are.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#438

Post by laurencerowe »

Aunche wrote: post #340

One thing that I find weird about the Western (perhaps just American) way of raising kids is that the retired population is surprisingly uninvolved in the raising of their grandchildren. It seems like an economic inefficiency when parents are spending so much money on childcare while old people are feeling increasingly lonely.

I think this varies a lot by social/educational group. College educated folks often end up moving to different cities for college and then work so grandparents aren’t in the same place any longer (and with multiple kids in different cities could not be for all of them.)

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#439

Post by neolog »

lotsofpulp wrote: post #401
neolog wrote: post #388

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That link needs an account. Maybe a screenshot or something

Weird, I just searched medscape 2020 doctor pay in duckduckgo and it works for me. Here’s an alternate search result with similar findings: https://c8y.doxcdn.com/image/upload/Press%20Blog/Research%20...

Interesting, thanks.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#440

Post by gumby »

AnimalMuppet wrote: post #411
gumby wrote: post #403

As a parent myself I have only one piece of child rearing advice. First: Read a bunch of books (which will contradict each other) Then: a) do what you think is right and b) when someone tells you to do X (especially, but not only your mother or mother in law), if you disagree just say "Funny you should say that because I just read the exact opposite" and hand them a random baby rearing book. This sounds like a joke b…

But the books are also well-meaning busybodies. Worse: The books that most resonate with you may well be the ones you need to ignore. Take strict vs permissive parenting, for example. Say you're by nature a more permissive parenting. The books that say you should be permissive will resonate more with you than the books that say that you should be strict. But it's the ones that say to be strict that you need to hear,…

Funny you should say that, I just read a comment on HN claiming the opposite. Let me search for it and then edit this comment with the link...
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