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The unusual ways Western parents raise children

bbc.com

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Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#141

Post by tryonenow »

dfxm12 wrote: post #75
wayneftw wrote: post #51

I'm amazed that corporal punishment in schools is still legal throughout much of the US [0]. Perhaps it's mostly not used. I'm not sure because I went to school in New Jersey where it's outlawed even in private schools. [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/School_corporal_punishment_in_...

I thought this was going to be a case where it's not explicitly spelled out in the constitution, so it's not expressly illegal unless a state makes it so. But no, corporal punishment has been codified to be expressly legal in some states! Can you imagine fighting for the right to legally beat a child ? Not even your own child, but someone else's?

>Can you imagine fighting for the right to legally beat a child?

Can you imagine fighting to keep unruly children undisciplined? Not even your own child, but someone else's?

There's no need for sensationalism. Some kids don't listen to words. The idea that you can always reason with children is nonsensical - they're irrational and immature, and considering that physical punishment has been the norm throughout history, I doubt it has a significant effect on adult violence when used appropriately, especially when weighed against the value of discipline.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#142

Post by easton »

TomK32 wrote: post #41
easton wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Isn’t the whole point of hitting your kids to make them fear it and therefore not do whatever it is that made it happen? (whether or not this works or wouldn’t be accomplished in a more humane way is a different story)

You don't need violence to reach this goal.

I agree, but to say it’s not abuse until fear exists means that hitting kids is always abuse, which seemed to contradict OPs point.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#143

Post by aswegs8 »

dlisboa wrote: post #87

Outside of neglect and abuse, is there really a WRONG way of raising a child? You see multiple different styles in different cultures. Some cultures where bed-sharing and baby-carrying is common also beat their kids and use other forms of punishment for disobedience. Wouldn't that be much "weirder"? It seems in Europe breastfeeding rates are really low and people use prams, but they might not beat the child as much (…

Can't agree more. BBC just tends to play the "self-critical Western" role a bit too much.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#144

Post by bitshiftfaced »

PebblesRox wrote: post #100

I recommend Sweet Sleep as a resource for anyone interested in cosleeping/bedsharing. It gives a lot of practical advice and looks at the research to address the safety concerns. The conclusion is that bedsharing will multiply existing risk factors for SIDS but if those risk factors are already low, adding bedsharing into the mix does not increase the risk by a significant amount (assuming it's done in accordance wit…

I was under the impression that the risk of SIDS isn't the only thing when it comes to bed sharing. Adult beds are softer and have more give, so babies get turned over more easily so that their airway can get blocked in the mattress. There are more things like pillows and blankets that can get block the airway. And then there's of course the parent that's sleeping next to them.

Do all of those risks get clumped into SIDS when it comes to these statistics?

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#145

Post by lqet »

alistairSH wrote: post #29

Of all the "weird" things we do as parents in euro/anglo nations, sleeping arrangements seems nowhere near the top. IMO, the top "offender" is over-scheduling kid's activities. So many kids in my area have their days booked solid with sports, academic tutoring, music lessons. Approaching zero free time to enjoy being a kid. Edit - and this isn't really a western thing, "Tiger Mom" and similar probably pre-dates this…

Not so sure this is necessarily a western thing. When I was a kid in Germany in the 90ies, school started at 7:30, and ended at 13:00. Once a week you had afternoon school from 14:30 to 16:00, and my parents wanted me to have piano lessons once a week. But after 13:00, and on weekends, I was generally free to do whatever I wanted. I played computer games excessively and watched a lot of movies, of course, but I also explored the nearby forest, build tree houses, taught myself how to build a computer, BASIC, Delphi, HTML, CSS and JS, and drew a comic series with a friend (of course we were the only readers). Except for math, everything that helped my through university and my professional life so far I learned in this free time, just by playing.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#146

Post by Clewza313 »

diegocg wrote: post #24

>A 2016 review that looked at research on children sharing not just a room but a bed with one or more of their parents found a high prevalence in many Asian countries: Let me guess: there is a high correlation between sharing your room and poverty levels?

The simple truth is that dealing with young babies is way easier when they're in the same bed. When they cry, you can comfort them immediately, if you need to breastfeed, it takes about 5 seconds to get started. And they sell these nifty little divider things if you're paranoid about rolling over and crushing them, although as the article says this only appears to be a problem in practice if the parents are morbidly obese and/or on drugs/alcohol.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#147

Post by Clewza313 »

pj1115 wrote: post #63
diegocg wrote: post #24

>A 2016 review that looked at research on children sharing not just a room but a bed with one or more of their parents found a high prevalence in many Asian countries: Let me guess: there is a high correlation between sharing your room and poverty levels?

I think you'd find some evidence for historical poverty being one factor of several in cultural practices of bed sharing. Japan would be a notable exception (plenty of co-sleeping, unremarkable poverty rate). I also don't think it has become much less common in communities where poverty levels have fallen. Anecdotally, my SO is part of a community originally displaced from India and now settled all over the world, wh…

Not sure what you mean by Japan being an exception? Bed-sharing remains very much the default there.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#148

Post by rootusrootus »

jbob2000 wrote: post #79
kkwteh wrote: post #47

From the perspective of the Lindy principle it is weird. I have an eighteen-month old child and have been reading a lot about child rearing since my wife got pregnant. It’s taboo to say this, and I’m sorry if this offends anyone, but I suspect that a lack of adult attention in the first three years of life is a principal factor in the rising autism rates we’re seeing in modern economies. This would explain why autism…

Checkout this article, "Childhood autism spikes in geek heartlands": https://www.newscientist.com/article/dn20589-childhood-autis... There's a correlation between parents who are both "systemizers" and their child having autism. I've also heard the theory that Austism is basically what we've been genetically selecting for over the last 100 years or so - the world wants brainless consumers - what is better than someon…

> the world wants brainless consumers

We don't have to select for that, the vast majority of people are already brainless consumers. And most of them think they are not.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#149

Post by lostcolony »

aswegs8 wrote: post #143
dlisboa wrote: post #87

Outside of neglect and abuse, is there really a WRONG way of raising a child? You see multiple different styles in different cultures. Some cultures where bed-sharing and baby-carrying is common also beat their kids and use other forms of punishment for disobedience. Wouldn't that be much "weirder"? It seems in Europe breastfeeding rates are really low and people use prams, but they might not beat the child as much (…

Can't agree more. BBC just tends to play the "self-critical Western" role a bit too much.

Who would you prefer to be critical of Western culture, rather than a Western news organization? Or do you feel that criticism isn't warranted?

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#150

Post by christiansakai »

benjohnson wrote: post #85
christiansakai wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I got hit a lot as well. It wasn't a big deal. My brother got hit a lot as well. I grew up antisocial and my brother grew up super social. It is not the hit, it is the words. Parents manipulate their children using words, and that's worse in my eyes.

Agreed - my dad spanked me, but my mother spoke her contempt for me with words. The bruises healed much more quickly than the emotional scaring.

damn, this hits too close too home. I'm still so messed up after all those words. and I am 34 now. I forgot completely about the bruising as it never existed, but those words haunt me forever.
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