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The unusual ways Western parents raise children

bbc.com

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Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#61

Post by steve_adams_86 »

AndrewUnmuted wrote: post #16
swader999 wrote: post #5

We put the crib close to our bed, much easier for mom. Dad got ear plugs.

It's funny, human mothers have a unique trait through which they can identify the cries of their particular child, even at a playground where a lot of kids are making noise. Somehow, mothers are able to cut through all the din and identify the voice of their young child, at the exclusion of all others. Nature does so much to bring mothers closer to their young, yet fathers do not possess this "talent." In fact, we se…

As a man who put his career on hold to be the stay at home parent, this seems extremely out of touch. In my house I’m the one with the “talent”; it has nothing to do with gender. It had everything to do with being in tune with another human being.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#62

Post by dfxm12 »

kkwteh wrote: post #47

From the perspective of the Lindy principle it is weird. I have an eighteen-month old child and have been reading a lot about child rearing since my wife got pregnant. It’s taboo to say this, and I’m sorry if this offends anyone, but I suspect that a lack of adult attention in the first three years of life is a principal factor in the rising autism rates we’re seeing in modern economies. This would explain why autism…

I suspect that a lack of adult attention in the first three years of life is a principal factor in the rising autism rates we’re seeing in modern economies. This would explain why autism seems to “cluster” in upper class homes, where the parents work nonstop.

Upper class parents don't necessarily need to work non stop, and when they do, they can afford to have an adult give their kids attention. To make this claim, you have to show that upper class parents neither give their kids attention nor hire a nanny/au pair/have a grandparent looking after their kids.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#63

Post by pj1115 »

diegocg wrote: post #24

>A 2016 review that looked at research on children sharing not just a room but a bed with one or more of their parents found a high prevalence in many Asian countries: Let me guess: there is a high correlation between sharing your room and poverty levels?

I think you'd find some evidence for historical poverty being one factor of several in cultural practices of bed sharing. Japan would be a notable exception (plenty of co-sleeping, unremarkable poverty rate).

I also don't think it has become much less common in communities where poverty levels have fallen. Anecdotally, my SO is part of a community originally displaced from India and now settled all over the world, where members have disproportionately become very wealthy. Bed sharing is absolutely the norm in those households, much to my distress when we visit her family!

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#64

Post by TomK32 »

nomdep wrote: post #34
itsmemattchung wrote: post #17

Definitely something that my wife and I struggle with. She's Vietnamese British, I'm Vietnamese American ; both of us current living in the U.S. Despite what our training classes recommend, we're co-sleeping with our 17 month year old daughter and it feels more intuitive.

So - if you don't mind the question, sorry for asking if you do - how/when you have sex?

Anytime and anywhere you have a chance to. Be spontaneous and creative. You don't need a bed to have sex in anyways.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#65

Post by tibbydudeza »

tw04 wrote: post #27
DC1350 wrote: post #18

Your kid doesn’t need their own room. In fact, neither do you. Everyone could live so much more carbon efficiently if we accepted communal living. Like dorm rooms. People all around the world rent small apartments with their extended families, and sometimes even other families. The only reason people in the west believe they need a single family home is because they’re entitled and have a weird focus on individualism…

Or, they like having sex? I'm not having sex with my kid sleeping in the same room. And I'm not particularly interested in having to manage my sex life around my kids sleep schedule. I don't know why you think adults wanting a space they can do whatever they want without their kids witnessing the activity means they have a "weird focus on individualism".

Drop the kids of at school/daycare/grandparents - come back home :).

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#66

Post by TomK32 »

dfee wrote: post #58
nomdep wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So - if you don't mind the question, sorry for asking if you do - how/when you have sex?

This shouldn’t be downvoted. Indeed, this is something our physician brought up with us as a reason not to let your child join you. The theory goes that children are programmed by nature to prevent more offspring. A sort of incentive here. Looking online there are mixed reviews of whether co sleeping hurt the adult relationship.

Well, my half-sister is six months older and my sister two months and two weeks younger...

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#67

Post by steve_adams_86 »

otabdeveloper4 wrote: post #33
TomK32 wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As a parent you are simply betraying the unconditional love and trust your child has in you.

So what is the child betraying when he/she hits the parent?

The child hasn’t had the opportunity to develop their reasoning faculties or learn to weigh the needs or desires of others with their own and circumstance.

As parents we have the choice to use reason and patience. We can understand that children are developing and need support from adults to do so effectively. To hit them would show a lack of understanding, control, reason, and temperance. These are bad things to teach.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#68

Post by genrez »

LegitShady wrote: post #3

No,no it's not. Things can be different without being weird. Weird is a judgement while different is a fact. For example, I could say BBC opinion pieces are weird garbage but that would be an opinion. I could say "man it's weird this is so high up on hackernews with no comments and six points", that would be an opinion too.

I think that the article is trying to point out that some western parenting practices are potentially harmful to infants. In this case, "weird" is a very kind way of expressing the articles concern.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#69

Post by [deleted] »

satokema_work wrote: post #50
TomK32 wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Please don't have children if you think any violence against children is acceptable.

At some point, you are going to have to use some sort of force to confine or constrain to prevent the child from engaging in unwanted behavior. No matter what flowery language or loopy logic you use to avoid the subject, you are applying force. Is it better to have well-thought out uses of force instead of just hitting the kid when they make you angry? Of course. But don't pretend that living in the world requires no…

[deleted]

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#70

Post by TomK32 »

satokema_work wrote: post #50
TomK32 wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Please don't have children if you think any violence against children is acceptable.

At some point, you are going to have to use some sort of force to confine or constrain to prevent the child from engaging in unwanted behavior. No matter what flowery language or loopy logic you use to avoid the subject, you are applying force. Is it better to have well-thought out uses of force instead of just hitting the kid when they make you angry? Of course. But don't pretend that living in the world requires no…

"well-thought out uses of force" was certainly a part of school life in the post-war years, yet it couldn't stop teenagers, rock'n'roll, mini-skirts and hippies.

We are not talking about "no discipline at all", we are talking about violence against your children. Humans you brought into the world and you shouldn't have done that if you hit them.

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