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A programmer, an engineer, and a physicist are in adjacent hotel rooms. Each has a pitcher of water beside the bed. A fire starts in the wastepaper basket in each room. The physicist wakes up, sees the fire, estimates exactly how much water is needed to put it out, and pours exactly that amount from the pitcher, dousing the flames. The engineer wakes up, sees the fire, pours the entire pitcher of water on it, then re…
The cursor.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
The next time she says to him, "while you're at the store, pick up some bananas." Legend says he's at the store still.
Programmers will also use up all the shampoo if the label says "lather, rinse, repeat" with no explicit termination condition.
One of my all time favorites. Can’t remember where I first read it (Quora?), but it’s currently my top Google hit for “balloon programmer project manager joke”. [0] ============ A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend. I would meet him half an hour ago, but I…
I know it soviet style:
A mathematician, a physicist and a biologist are flying in a air balloon and are lost.
They encounter a man walking below:
The biologist asks him: "do you know, where we are?"
"..." the man looks up and says nothing
The physicist ask him: "can you please tell us, where we are!"
"..." after a while the man says: "in a balloon".
The mathematician remarks, ah, he must be a philosopher. The others: "how do you know?"
"Well, for once he needed a lot of time to answer. Then his answer is correct with our objective reality. And lastly, his answer is completely useless to us."
(in eastern soviet republics, philosophy was not in high regards, because the peoples governments were supposed to be philosophical (a la Marx) government, with in theory, very high standards)
A QA engineer walks into a bar and orders a beer. She orders 2 beers. She orders 0 beers. She orders -1 beers. She orders a lizard. She orders a NULLPTR. She tries to leave without paying. Satisfied, she declares the bar ready for business. The first customer comes in an orders a beer. They finish their drink, and then ask where the bathroom is. The bar explodes.
Al Gore may not have invented the internet, but he did come up with algorithms.
Race condition
Who’s there?
This is my programming version of another joke I heard: A guy walks into a bar and sees a group of people. One of them says a number and the rest laugh. Then the next person says a number and everyone laughs again. "What are you doing?" he asks them. "We're telling each other jokes, but since we keep telling the same ones, we've assigned each a number and rather than telling the whole joke all over again, we can just…