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I am lonely will anyone speak to me

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Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#41

Post by ketanmaheshwari »

spondyl wrote: post #25
dhaivat wrote: post #4

It goes without saying that this year has been really difficult for most if not all of us. Not being able to see extended family especially during holiday season can feel lonely and depressing. Please, please, please don't make this a solo suffering, use FaceTime, Xoom, WhatsApp, Meet whatever to talk to friends/family if you can. If things feel worse - don't keep it to yourself, for those in the US - 1-800-273-8255'…

In a similar but less urgent vein, if you're having a quiet holiday much like myself but could do with a(n asynchronous) chat, feel free to send anything through to the email listed on my profile. Likewise, I'm sure other HNers may like to announce as such but just need a little nudge :) --- I'm sure plenty of bios have contact invitations but us humans are pretty bad at the idea of cold calling strangers I sort of w…

Ditto. I too am available to chat / talk / zoom. My email is on file.

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#42

Post by tw25532050 »

tonymet wrote: post #7
dhaivat wrote: post #4

It goes without saying that this year has been really difficult for most if not all of us. Not being able to see extended family especially during holiday season can feel lonely and depressing. Please, please, please don't make this a solo suffering, use FaceTime, Xoom, WhatsApp, Meet whatever to talk to friends/family if you can. If things feel worse - don't keep it to yourself, for those in the US - 1-800-273-8255'…

Does this number actually help? It’s shared kind of automatically but I find it trivializes suicide

It might help folks that can be helped by talking to someone. For someone like me, it would only make me feel bad, like I'm burdening someone else with the knowledge that I'm going to end my life; I know they won't be able to "talk me out of it".

I have no friends, no family, nor any coworkers since July. No one will notice me being dead then any more than they notice me being absent now. When the money runs out, I have the nitrogen tank ready to go.

Life isn't for everyone.

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#43

Post by cubano »

donretag wrote: post #30
dhaivat wrote: post #4

It goes without saying that this year has been really difficult for most if not all of us. Not being able to see extended family especially during holiday season can feel lonely and depressing. Please, please, please don't make this a solo suffering, use FaceTime, Xoom, WhatsApp, Meet whatever to talk to friends/family if you can. If things feel worse - don't keep it to yourself, for those in the US - 1-800-273-8255'…

"there is a light at the end of this fucking tunnel and we will get through it." As someone that was lonely before COVID, there is no light at the end. Makind friends when over 30 is incredibly difficult. Being an big extrovert in isolation is tough. I want to work in an office, but I probably never will again in our industry.

Like what in life that's worth a shit don't take some effort?

Being lonely sucks yeah...but take at least a bit of responsibility for it and realize that people make major changes in their lives every-damn-day.

Heroin addicts get clean EVERYDAY...you think being lonely is worse than kicking that shit? Guess what...you're wrong if you do.

Take small steps. Smile more. Be interested in others. You can do it for sure.

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#44

Post by colmvp »

DoreenMichele wrote: post #37

I've studied social/psychological stuff, spent a lot of years suicidal and spent a number of years homeless which was incredibly socially isolating and even negatively impacted how people interacted with me online. Some thoughts (intended as a buffet to choose from if it strikes your fancy, not a prescription for "the right way" to do anything at all): 1. It's usually not actually helpful to signal that you are despe…

> 1. It's usually not actually helpful to signal that you are desperate and lonely and your life is in the toilet. Once in a great while, someone will be truly wonderful to you because you did that but it's usually counterproductive.

I met up with a close friend a few days ago to lament how tough its been to live alone throughout this Covid period, to get rejected by dozens of companies while job hunting, and to do online dating and not only get rejected by 99% of potentials but have some of the worst first dates I've ever had in my life. One woman was literally multi-tasking while she was on the Zoom 'date' with me.

And her response was "I'm sorry that you're going through that" before switching to talking about her kid being noisy. And internally I'm thinking all these years I've spent listening to you complain about your job/husband/baby and this one time I'm being honest about how tough things are right now and you can't even bear to hear me out more than a split second? Give me a fucking break.

Covid-19 really revealed who my true friends are. I am quite thankful that I do have a couple friends who I meet on a weekly basis where we check in on one another and keep our spirits up. Without them, I don't think I would've survived these lockdowns without having a mental breakdown.

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#45

Post by ip26 »

tw25532050 wrote: post #42
tonymet wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Does this number actually help? It’s shared kind of automatically but I find it trivializes suicide

It might help folks that can be helped by talking to someone. For someone like me, it would only make me feel bad, like I'm burdening someone else with the knowledge that I'm going to end my life; I know they won't be able to "talk me out of it". I have no friends, no family, nor any coworkers since July. No one will notice me being dead then any more than they notice me being absent now. When the money runs out, I h…

You need some kind of lonely together COVID pod. Other people in the same circumstances. As long as your circle of contact is a closed loop, the exposure is not a big deal (same as with a family quarantined together).

You might not have a lot of shared interests or whatever, but there are countless others suffering exactly like you- in this, you are not alone. People feel a little better being lonely together. And you know, two key ingredients to friendship are simply shared hardship & routine interaction.

P.S. Ever consider volunteering with Big Brothers Big Sisters?

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#46

Post by mattmanser »

DoreenMichele wrote: post #37

I've studied social/psychological stuff, spent a lot of years suicidal and spent a number of years homeless which was incredibly socially isolating and even negatively impacted how people interacted with me online. Some thoughts (intended as a buffet to choose from if it strikes your fancy, not a prescription for "the right way" to do anything at all): 1. It's usually not actually helpful to signal that you are despe…

And Happy Holidays to you too Doreen!

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#47

Post by b0rsuk »

DoreenMichele wrote: post #37

I've studied social/psychological stuff, spent a lot of years suicidal and spent a number of years homeless which was incredibly socially isolating and even negatively impacted how people interacted with me online. Some thoughts (intended as a buffet to choose from if it strikes your fancy, not a prescription for "the right way" to do anything at all): 1. It's usually not actually helpful to signal that you are despe…

ad. 3: it's an ugly truth, but it makes sense. People often want friends which can provide something for them, even if it's pleasant company. What can a desperate person provide? What can a desperate friend do other kind of friend can't?

ad. 6: then I guess I'm really bad at making friends period. It has never worked for me.

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#48

Post by nowherebeen »

DoreenMichele wrote: post #37

I've studied social/psychological stuff, spent a lot of years suicidal and spent a number of years homeless which was incredibly socially isolating and even negatively impacted how people interacted with me online. Some thoughts (intended as a buffet to choose from if it strikes your fancy, not a prescription for "the right way" to do anything at all): 1. It's usually not actually helpful to signal that you are despe…

> Signaling desperation attracts predators far more often than it attracts real friends.

This is something so obvious but has eluded me until you said it. I have seen this happen in work settings and have never been able to pinpoint it. Thanks!

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#49

Post by DoreenMichele »

colmvp wrote: post #44
DoreenMichele wrote: post #37

I've studied social/psychological stuff, spent a lot of years suicidal and spent a number of years homeless which was incredibly socially isolating and even negatively impacted how people interacted with me online. Some thoughts (intended as a buffet to choose from if it strikes your fancy, not a prescription for "the right way" to do anything at all): 1. It's usually not actually helpful to signal that you are despe…

> 1. It's usually not actually helpful to signal that you are desperate and lonely and your life is in the toilet. Once in a great while, someone will be truly wonderful to you because you did that but it's usually counterproductive. I met up with a close friend a few days ago to lament how tough its been to live alone throughout this Covid period, to get rejected by dozens of companies while job hunting, and to do o…

Yeah. When it goes like that my internal reaction is typically "Good riddance. Don't let the screen door hit you on your way out. Thank god I don't have to listen to one more minute of your whiny shit ever again because we are so done."

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#50

Post by sigil »

DoreenMichele wrote: post #37

I've studied social/psychological stuff, spent a lot of years suicidal and spent a number of years homeless which was incredibly socially isolating and even negatively impacted how people interacted with me online. Some thoughts (intended as a buffet to choose from if it strikes your fancy, not a prescription for "the right way" to do anything at all): 1. It's usually not actually helpful to signal that you are despe…

We’ve never met or directly interacted on here, but I always enjoy your comments and unique perspective. They make HN a better place. Thanks for sharing, and happy holidays!
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