Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

The psychology behind ‘revenge bedtime procrastination’

bbc.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

231–240 of 281 posts

Re: The psychology behind ‘revenge bedtime procrastination’

#231

Post by anonymousDan »

DyslexicAtheist wrote: post #218
godot wrote: post #161

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The thing is for many other people it's not about enjoying work or not. I enjoy my job a lot, it's the best one I've had in the past decade. I also have a toddler. After I finish work promptly at 5 (sometimes before, and I work from home), it's a non-stop series of "work" bathing for the kid, either playing with the kid (while my spouse cooks) or I cook (and she plays with the kid, so either way it's busy work for bo…

> or anyone with a 2-year old have been there around 18 years ago. and I think GP's point still holds. time with young kids is special in a sense that I felt it would never end. it was awesome but it was also a tunnel without a light. at least that's what it felt like. all of what you said plus the sleep deprivation, stress with the partner because there isn't enough of "us time" and the constant feeling that whateve…

Awesome post, thanks. Good to get some perspective from the other side!

Re: The psychology behind ‘revenge bedtime procrastination’

#232

Post by anonymousDan »

godot wrote: post #192
thesuitonym wrote: post #184

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have kids that same age, and our bedtime is 8:00. Usually they're asleep by 9 but there have definitely been days where they are up and fighting until well past 10. Certainly the gp was exaggerating, but just because my kids are in bed doesn't mean it's my time. 8-9 is lost policing actually being in bed almost every day. That said, I agree more with you, because as much as I like to say, "oh I could be doing x or…

Bed time used to be 8:30pm but a few weeks ago she just turned the age where she absolutely needed someone to be beside her until she falls asleep. All hell breaks loose if we don't, and I've thought about implementing cry-it-out but looking at her mode of crying I'm not sure that's healthy. Anyway, I'm staying with her for 2 hours until she falls asleep (she does take that long) because my spouse already cares for h…

Try going in and out with increasing gaps.

Re: The psychology behind ‘revenge bedtime procrastination’

#233

Post by drewcon »

fatnoah wrote: post #51
drewcon wrote: post #48

Sounds like they're just behaving like parents with young kids. I routinely stay up too late just to have some quiet, waking conscious alone time after a full day of work and time with the kids (which are now hopelessly intertwined).

>Sounds like they're just behaving like parents with young kids. That was my thought as well. After the wife and kid (not so young now) get to bed is when I actually get quiet time to myself, which I need to unwind from the day. It's actually gotten much worse due to WFH. My daily commute (via transit) provided some of that quiet time to gear up in the morning and unwind in the evening.

So much worse. I never thought the 45 min spent in the car was actually useful time! Turns out sitting in traffic was basically meditation.

Re: The psychology behind ‘revenge bedtime procrastination’

#234

Post by throwaway201103 »

DyslexicAtheist wrote: post #218
godot wrote: post #161

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The thing is for many other people it's not about enjoying work or not. I enjoy my job a lot, it's the best one I've had in the past decade. I also have a toddler. After I finish work promptly at 5 (sometimes before, and I work from home), it's a non-stop series of "work" bathing for the kid, either playing with the kid (while my spouse cooks) or I cook (and she plays with the kid, so either way it's busy work for bo…

> or anyone with a 2-year old have been there around 18 years ago. and I think GP's point still holds. time with young kids is special in a sense that I felt it would never end. it was awesome but it was also a tunnel without a light. at least that's what it felt like. all of what you said plus the sleep deprivation, stress with the partner because there isn't enough of "us time" and the constant feeling that whateve…

I'm in my 50s, have three now-adult kids. The toddler years have some nice memories to be sure, but do I "miss" them? No. Would I want to go through that again? Also no. Same for all the other ages, newborn, toddler, elementary school, puberty, high school. It was all great, but no interest in a rerun.

Re: The psychology behind ‘revenge bedtime procrastination’

#235

Post by drewcon »

saalweachter wrote: post #76
fatnoah wrote: post #51

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Sounds like they're just behaving like parents with young kids. That was my thought as well. After the wife and kid (not so young now) get to bed is when I actually get quiet time to myself, which I need to unwind from the day. It's actually gotten much worse due to WFH. My daily commute (via transit) provided some of that quiet time to gear up in the morning and unwind in the evening.

I'm hoping to do my 90 minute train commute twice a week after this is all over.

We have the option of remote, flex (hot desk), or office (perm desk) when this is all over. Before I was a 3-4 days in the office, 1-2 at home kind of guy. I’m planning on being a 5 days a week in the office guy so hard when this dies down and I can get a shot.

Re: The psychology behind ‘revenge bedtime procrastination’

#236

Post by throwaway201103 »

godot wrote: post #192
thesuitonym wrote: post #184

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have kids that same age, and our bedtime is 8:00. Usually they're asleep by 9 but there have definitely been days where they are up and fighting until well past 10. Certainly the gp was exaggerating, but just because my kids are in bed doesn't mean it's my time. 8-9 is lost policing actually being in bed almost every day. That said, I agree more with you, because as much as I like to say, "oh I could be doing x or…

Bed time used to be 8:30pm but a few weeks ago she just turned the age where she absolutely needed someone to be beside her until she falls asleep. All hell breaks loose if we don't, and I've thought about implementing cry-it-out but looking at her mode of crying I'm not sure that's healthy. Anyway, I'm staying with her for 2 hours until she falls asleep (she does take that long) because my spouse already cares for h…

It won't change until you change it. Kids that age don't have a concept of feeling guilty about burdening anyone else. Cry-it-out can seem cruel but it doesn't take long. The other thing about kids that age is they have short memories and adapt to change quickly. Talk to your pediatician if you need reassurance.

Re: The psychology behind ‘revenge bedtime procrastination’

#237

Post by criddell »

bradlys wrote: post #155
dwaltrip wrote: post #119

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's hard to get your first software engineering job, but it is it any different than other industries? I don't think it is difficult to find a new job once you are established as a reasonably competent engineer. Do workers in other industries get constant messages via Linkedin and email for job opportunities?

> I don't think it is difficult to find a new job once you are established as a reasonably competent engineer. It's gotten harder every year I've been in the industry. I have a limited set of experience since I've only worked since 2013. But, I've interviewed every single year for the last 7 years and the interviews keep getting tougher. Every time I decide to venture out - I have to prep more than I did the previous…

You've been working for 7 years. Has your professional network started to bear any fruit?

Re: The psychology behind ‘revenge bedtime procrastination’

#238

Post by throwaway201103 »

mlyle wrote: post #189
tyre wrote: post #172

Earlier quoted context omitted.

When I read things like this, it makes me not want to have children. From friends, it doesn’t sound like your experience is much different. I’m sure you’re biased and it’s culturally unacceptable (to say the least) to say that you’d rather not have had kids, but I wonder how often you think about that loss of individuality? Maybe it’s that what you’d do were you to have the time wouldn’t be as “productive” in a broad…

The first couple years of a kid's life often really, really sucks for the parents. If you don't just intrinsically adore babies, you've just got a whole lot of work with no immediate payoff. Sleep deprivation has a way of making everything worse, too. There are fun bits later, and some people will insist childrearing is 'fun', but I don't think so. It's loads of work, but fulfilling, interesting work, getting to know…

I mean, there are summer camps for kids who are old enough, grandparents if you have them and they are willing to take the kids for a week or two, but the thing is even the "vacation" is not the same as your life before kids. You're always still thinking about them, always ultimately responsible for them. Having kids is a fork in the road. There is no going back to the old path, even temporarily. The closest you will get is when your kids are adults themselves, but even then it's not the same.

Re: The psychology behind ‘revenge bedtime procrastination’

#239

Post by koolba »

godot wrote: post #161
_9omd wrote: post #92

Everyone is talking about shifting time around by doing things like getting up earlier, but that doesn't get around a fundamental problem of not enjoying the working part of your day. You still have the same amount of time, just shifted to a different end, and maybe you're a bit better off that way, but it's still the minority of the day. The real solution is to figure out how to love a larger percentage of your day.…

The thing is for many other people it's not about enjoying work or not. I enjoy my job a lot, it's the best one I've had in the past decade. I also have a toddler. After I finish work promptly at 5 (sometimes before, and I work from home), it's a non-stop series of "work" bathing for the kid, either playing with the kid (while my spouse cooks) or I cook (and she plays with the kid, so either way it's busy work for bo…

For an easy life hack, feed the kids left overs from the night before and enjoy your dinner after they go to bed. They end up eating the same food (albeit a day later) and you get to enjoy both the cooking and eating.

Plus it’s easy to combine it with intermittent fasting as you don’t even get a chance to eat till after they’re in bed!

Re: The psychology behind ‘revenge bedtime procrastination’

#240

Post by throwaway201103 »

godot wrote: post #208
tyre wrote: post #172

Earlier quoted context omitted.

When I read things like this, it makes me not want to have children. From friends, it doesn’t sound like your experience is much different. I’m sure you’re biased and it’s culturally unacceptable (to say the least) to say that you’d rather not have had kids, but I wonder how often you think about that loss of individuality? Maybe it’s that what you’d do were you to have the time wouldn’t be as “productive” in a broad…

I think those are great questions to ask actually, my only real answer here is that, one should be very aware of the fact that this current stage is temporary (both for my sanity, as well as for a perspective of cherishing it). As others have said and you already know, the first couple of years of a kid is the toughest for parents. It gets better from there and I know I'll get more free time back pretty much as soon…

You'll have more free time than you do now, possibly, but there will be school events, extracurricular activities, meetings with teachers, help with homework. etc.
Post reply on HN