Over Half of U.S. Young Adults Now Live with Their Parents • Hacker News Board

Re: Over Half of U.S. Young Adults Now Live with Their Parents

#91

Post by pedalpete » Mon, Nov 30, 2020, 10:23 PM UTC

nathanaldensr wrote: post #76

olivierestsage wrote: post #12

My heart goes out to the young adults forced to continue to live in abusive family situations due to economic instability right now. Achieving financial independence from my parents probably saved my life as a young adult, and I worry for young people in bad situations who will now have trouble getting away.

Not downplaying your personal experiences, but the reverse can also be true. Watch some episodes of Live PD.

Can you explain what you mean by this? What's the reverse? Children abusing their parents?

Re: Over Half of U.S. Young Adults Now Live with Their Parents

#92

Post by pedalpete » Mon, Nov 30, 2020, 10:26 PM UTC

I wasn't aware of an issue which this article ignores, but a few comments point out, which may become more of an issue in the coming generations.

As parents have children at a later stage of life, they may be less able to care for themselves as the child prepares to leave the home . The effect may be that the child stays in the home to care for the parent.

This changes the dynamic considerably.

Re: Over Half of U.S. Young Adults Now Live with Their Parents

#93

Post by nathanaldensr » Mon, Nov 30, 2020, 10:28 PM UTC

pedalpete wrote: post #91

nathanaldensr wrote: post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not downplaying your personal experiences, but the reverse can also be true. Watch some episodes of Live PD.

Can you explain what you mean by this? What's the reverse? Children abusing their parents?

Yes, specifically adult children. Mooching off parents, doing drugs, on unemployment, etc. I'm specifically thinking of Live PD episodes; luckily nothing in my direct experience.

Re: Over Half of U.S. Young Adults Now Live with Their Parents

#94

Post by watwut » Mon, Nov 30, 2020, 10:36 PM UTC

trianglem wrote: post #85

watwut wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

We have laws against that, but not much well enforced. Most of domestic violence happen in private without witness. Even if aggressor is removed temporary, they live together so it is easy to retaliate after. Plus, it is shameful to be victim of domestic abuse. So, reports are few and come in too late and it is hard to prove they are true. Plus, the enforcement is hard. And even harder since domestic violence rates a…

Well anecdotally the only good marriages I’ve seen adhere to the above. The partner provides feedback but have no say in the final decision. In a marriage one person needs to be submissive. I’ve been married for more than a decade and we’ve never been happier. Individual agency is only important if you don’t have a community based aspect to your life that respects you explicitly for the larger good your submissive ro…

You are happy and that is all that matters? Yeah, exactly the issue with that setup. It is you first, then some nonsense about why other has to sacrifice for community.

Re: Over Half of U.S. Young Adults Now Live with Their Parents

#95

Post by at_a_remove » Mon, Nov 30, 2020, 10:39 PM UTC

pedalpete wrote: post #90

at_a_remove wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Just as an example: one gal asked about my living situation, with regards to roommates. I was forthright about it, gave a little "what can you do?" shrug. I was a little startled as her vocal tone immediately changed to a mocking one as she delivered a "Awww, widdle at_a_remove wivves with his Mooo-mmy!" and then sneered. (Note that this person would describe herself as kind, liberal, thoughtful, and so on) Similarly…

I'm wondering if you're missing the opportunity here. You mention your "what can you do?" shrug. From what I understand of your situation, you should be proud of what you're doing. You aren't living with your mother because you can't stand to leave the nest, you are taking care of your aging mother because she can't take care of herself (small assumption on my part). If you were able to succinctly describe this in a…

I of course have tried a variety of ways of phrasing it, as I certainly do not enjoy that sort of reaction. The most positive of responses would be a condescending acknowledgement that it was "sweet," a word I have come to loathe, at least with the intonation with which it is typically spoken as a response.

In any case, there is no opportunity; I am not dating material for numerous other reasons and have accepted that.

Re: Over Half of U.S. Young Adults Now Live with Their Parents

#96

Post by jseliger » Mon, Nov 30, 2020, 10:53 PM UTC

jjk166 wrote: post #71

Multigenerational housing is really a very sensible option: your parents probably have a house large enough for them and several other people, they have items like kitchenware and furniture for those people, plus various tools that have been picked up over the years to deal with problems you don't yet realize you'll one day encounter. It makes little sense to duplicate all this every generation while the previous ite…

It would be sensible to simply remove barriers to all kinds of housing construction, which would offer a boost in real resources to virtually everybody: https://www.nber.org/papers/w21154.

Instead we have a land-use system that privileges people who bought 20 or 30 or more years ago, at the expense of anyone who did not. U.S. housing policy is in the main poorly thought out.

Re: Over Half of U.S. Young Adults Now Live with Their Parents

#97

Post by jseliger » Mon, Nov 30, 2020, 10:54 PM UTC

honkycat wrote: post #18

The US is a gerontocracy. We are going to end up exactly like Japan, a whole generation of young people passing on kids due to economic and environmental stress with no-one to replace them. The stats tell the story. Young people are the largest part of the workforce[0], but we work for lower wages and have a TINY amount of the wealth in comparison to older generations[1]. The number of my friends who are hamstrung by…

The degree to which housing restrictions create costs that fall disproportionately on the young is also important: https://www.nber.org/papers/w21154

Using a spatial equilibrium model and data from 220 metropolitan areas we find that these constraints lowered aggregate US growth by more than 50% from 1964 to 2009.

Most of the "income inequality" discourse in the U.S. is really a gloss on what should be housing discourse.

Re: Over Half of U.S. Young Adults Now Live with Their Parents

#98

Post by mgh2 » Mon, Nov 30, 2020, 11:07 PM UTC

at_a_remove wrote: post #44

I have been taking care of my elderly mother, who would be vaguely defined as "not well" in the Southern sense of things, since my twenties. I did go into it with my eyes open, knowing the kinds of tradeoffs I was making. I could live alone, but this was a choice I made to help her. However, I was unprepared in the extreme for the ambient hostility toward men who live with their mothers, no matter the reason. I do no…

Is this stigma due to the tenet of "extreme independence and freedom" from the West?

In most Asian countries, taking care of your parents is a filial obligation/responsibility deeply engrained in culture: an expectation for being a good child.

It is starting to change now due to Western influence and affluence though...but it is still traditionally the norm to take care of your parents.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4389642/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6403016/

Re: Over Half of U.S. Young Adults Now Live with Their Parents

#99

Post by jelliclesfarm » Mon, Nov 30, 2020, 11:10 PM UTC

lhorie wrote: post #25

honkycat wrote: post #18

The US is a gerontocracy. We are going to end up exactly like Japan, a whole generation of young people passing on kids due to economic and environmental stress with no-one to replace them. The stats tell the story. Young people are the largest part of the workforce[0], but we work for lower wages and have a TINY amount of the wealth in comparison to older generations[1]. The number of my friends who are hamstrung by…

> we work for lower wages and have a TINY amount of the wealth in comparison to older generations Not to detract from the point about student debt, which is absolutely on point, but isn't it expected than younger people would always hold less wealth and have lower salaries on average than older people who have been working for decades longer and have that much more work experience?

this! i have always thought so too. especially since quality of life has risen so much since..population has doubled globally in my lifetime and i have seen the world change...internet, smart phones, eradication or reduction of poverty, disease, illnesses, better health, more equality, all things hedonistic. the world is a better place. much much better place. i am grateful for every single day and i hope it becomes better.

the previous generation did so much with so little. with current attitudes, i dont know how life would become better in the next hundred years. is the defeatism due to not ever having to 'truly' struggle? if people had given up after ww2(or after any of the world's catastrophes), where would we be now?

Re: Over Half of U.S. Young Adults Now Live with Their Parents

#100

Post by jelliclesfarm » Mon, Nov 30, 2020, 11:13 PM UTC

danhak wrote: post #56

veed99 wrote: post #47

Most 18-22 years waste 4 years in university not acquiring any skills that would help them in a competitive job market. As a result, they move back in with mom and dad at age 22, now thousands of dollars in debt.

Increases in housing and healthcare costs have been absolutely dwarfing wage growth in most major metros, for decades now. This "it's your fault for majoring in gender studies" meme is a red herring. There was a time in the U.S. where one parent could support a family and purchase a house while the other stayed at home with the kids. With nothing more than a high school diploma.

what kind of life did they lead? is it comprable to life as we know it now?