81–90 of 140 posts
Multigenerational housing is really a very sensible option: your parents probably have a house large enough for them and several other people, they have items like kitchenware and furniture for those people, plus various tools that have been picked up over the years to deal with problems you don't yet realize you'll one day encounter. It makes little sense to duplicate all this every generation while the previous ite…
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Which is what led to big rates of domestic abuse and violence.
Well we have well enforced laws against that which should doubtless remain unchanged. I’m saying the expectation going into a marriage should be that one partner is dominant so there are no power struggles much like a hierarchy in a company.
Plus, the enforcement is hard. And even harder since domestic violence rates among cops are higher then those of general population.
> I’m saying the expectation going into a marriage should be that one partner is dominant so there are no power struggles much like a hierarchy in a company.
Aaaand this is literally what leads to abuse. See, the perfect compliance is not possible nor actually human. The one dominator is bound to do dumb or egoistic decisions here and there. Or decisions that ignore needs of partner due to ignorance. With partner being submissive and not providing feedback, dominating person is bound to become worst and worst.
Plus, actual humans have real need for own agency. And when that agency manifests, again, the one who feels entitled to rule it all becomes abusive.
Multigenerational housing is really a very sensible option: your parents probably have a house large enough for them and several other people, they have items like kitchenware and furniture for those people, plus various tools that have been picked up over the years to deal with problems you don't yet realize you'll one day encounter. It makes little sense to duplicate all this every generation while the previous ite…
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The millennial generation has made terrible decision egged on by the previous. No one needed all those degrees to begin with. Most are useless to the larger economy. That along with the choice to stay single longer has doomed this generation.
I will say that I got a useful degree ( computer science ) from a university I could afford and have already paid off my debt. I mostly agree, I don't know what people were thinking what was going to happen when they majored in underwater basket weaving. I don't pretend know why people chose to go so deeply into debt. I do know a lot of smart people I respect made this decision, so it is more complicated than simply…
Do such smart people really still think this of subjects that don't have a pre-drawn straight line to a comparable paycheque to their own?
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Well we have well enforced laws against that which should doubtless remain unchanged. I’m saying the expectation going into a marriage should be that one partner is dominant so there are no power struggles much like a hierarchy in a company.
We have laws against that, but not much well enforced. Most of domestic violence happen in private without witness. Even if aggressor is removed temporary, they live together so it is easy to retaliate after. Plus, it is shameful to be victim of domestic abuse. So, reports are few and come in too late and it is hard to prove they are true. Plus, the enforcement is hard. And even harder since domestic violence rates a…
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> upon finding out my situation, make it abundantly clear that they would not date me, despite me not asking. I refer to this as "pre-jection." That sounds awful. How exactly do they go about this?
Just as an example: one gal asked about my living situation, with regards to roommates. I was forthright about it, gave a little "what can you do?" shrug. I was a little startled as her vocal tone immediately changed to a mocking one as she delivered a "Awww, widdle at_a_remove wivves with his Mooo-mmy!" and then sneered. (Note that this person would describe herself as kind, liberal, thoughtful, and so on) Similarly…
I have been taking care of my elderly mother, who would be vaguely defined as "not well" in the Southern sense of things, since my twenties. I did go into it with my eyes open, knowing the kinds of tradeoffs I was making. I could live alone, but this was a choice I made to help her. However, I was unprepared in the extreme for the ambient hostility toward men who live with their mothers, no matter the reason. I do no…
Maybe I’m an outlier, or just got lucky, but the first woman I started dating after a failed 5 year relationship ended up being conditionally ok with it - the conditions being that living in my family’s home wasn’t my “end game”, and that I was able to take care of myself. This was coming from an extremely independent woman who lived on her own, in a country outside of where she was born since coming to the US for college. Since then, she’s come to understand that living with, and helping to take care of family shows a degree of maturity and responsibility that transcends merely taking care of n=1 (yourself).
If anyone is in a similar situation, don’t be afraid to enter the dating pool just because you live with family, don’t be ashamed of it, and respect the ignorance of those who haven’t had the burden of having to support loved ones on their shoulders.
*edit (typo)
Also, by “end game”, she meant that I was planning on moving out at some point, which I am.
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> upon finding out my situation, make it abundantly clear that they would not date me, despite me not asking. I refer to this as "pre-jection." That sounds awful. How exactly do they go about this?
Just as an example: one gal asked about my living situation, with regards to roommates. I was forthright about it, gave a little "what can you do?" shrug. I was a little startled as her vocal tone immediately changed to a mocking one as she delivered a "Awww, widdle at_a_remove wivves with his Mooo-mmy!" and then sneered. (Note that this person would describe herself as kind, liberal, thoughtful, and so on) Similarly…
As @stronglikedan says in a comment in this thread, "most people suck." It's a bit broad, but it ain't wrong.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Just as an example: one gal asked about my living situation, with regards to roommates. I was forthright about it, gave a little "what can you do?" shrug. I was a little startled as her vocal tone immediately changed to a mocking one as she delivered a "Awww, widdle at_a_remove wivves with his Mooo-mmy!" and then sneered. (Note that this person would describe herself as kind, liberal, thoughtful, and so on) Similarly…
It's a quality litmus test for partner material. I steered clear of anyone who took issue with me having to provide a material amount of care for a parent (and that parent living with me) before they passed. Someone who belittles you for being a compassionate human being has no place in your present, nor your future (imho). As @stronglikedan says in a comment in this thread, "most people suck." It's a bit broad, but…
Right now it is merely a sad observation from the permanently sidelined.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
> upon finding out my situation, make it abundantly clear that they would not date me, despite me not asking. I refer to this as "pre-jection." That sounds awful. How exactly do they go about this?
Just as an example: one gal asked about my living situation, with regards to roommates. I was forthright about it, gave a little "what can you do?" shrug. I was a little startled as her vocal tone immediately changed to a mocking one as she delivered a "Awww, widdle at_a_remove wivves with his Mooo-mmy!" and then sneered. (Note that this person would describe herself as kind, liberal, thoughtful, and so on) Similarly…
From what I understand of your situation, you should be proud of what you're doing. You aren't living with your mother because you can't stand to leave the nest, you are taking care of your aging mother because she can't take care of herself (small assumption on my part).
If you were able to succinctly describe this in a way you are proud of, which shows that you are mature, responsible, and caring, I wonder if you'd get a better response.
I think the stereotype (as the article somewhat alludes to), is that young adults are living with their parents due to negative circumstances (economic, psychological, etc). It may be ignoring another underlying metric which is that as parents have children later in life, the parents are less able to care for themselves as the child reaches the age when most would be leaving the home.