Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

The biology of dads

aeon.co

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

41–50 of 285 posts

Re: The biology of dads

#41

Post by bluedays »

cosmic_shame wrote: post #15

My personal experience as a dad of a 16 month old: new, intense anxiety about what the future will look like for my child.

I experienced the same. I wound up changing my whole life because of it. Wound up quitting a career, getting involved in IT, going back to college, getting straight As when I had always flunked out before, found myself in an honor society, got recommended for tree internships within the past couple of months. Literally changed my life. Makes me think I should have had a kid sooner.

Re: The biology of dads

#42

Post by vagrantJin »

Funny because I was thinking about something similar to this for almost the whole of last week. I'm convinced men and women are equally capable of parenting but something is different. I still don't know what it is and the article postulates some interesting physiological connections but not quite hitting the right spot.

But I might just be paranoid or an idiot unsure if he will be a good father or not. Men plan, the gods laugh.

Re: The biology of dads

#43

Post by mensetmanusman »

zero_deg_kevin wrote: post #2

Any ideas on how to get them to stick around after their kids are born? Asking for a friend.

There are many men that do not want to sacrifice their pursuit of happiness for children.

This is why almost half of US children are not raised under the same roof with their biological father.

Re: The biology of dads

#44

Post by mattgreenrocks »

bluedays wrote: post #20

>Paradoxically, we found that fathers who activate the anterior cingulate the most when listening to infant crying report the most negative emotional responses to those cries, in particular being more likely to label the cry as spoiled or manipulative. How can greater engagement of a brain region associated with empathy be linked with such negative subjective reactions to the cry? We suspect it relates to a phenomeno…

Same experience. I wrote it off as a big change and sleep deprivation, but there were some days that the cries of my son seemed very difficult to deal with. I hadn't had much experience with newborns/babies prior.

It could also be generalized anxiety. Mine would take uniquely weird forms, including awakening from a dead sleep convinced my son was buried/lost somewhere in the house. I'm convinced that the biological impulse to care/provide for babies is at the firmware-level of our impulses, and, as such, must be something that is acclimated to, rather than controlled by executive function.

Re: The biology of dads

#45

Post by mqrs »

wsc981 wrote: post #35
cosmic_shame wrote: post #15

My personal experience as a dad of a 16 month old: new, intense anxiety about what the future will look like for my child.

My daughter is now 3.5 years old, but I can't say I experienced the same. I believe the future of my daughter is bright. I guess your anxiety could be based on the location where your living? I believe my daughter will be able to find plenty of great opportunities in her life and I'll be able to give her a very nice start compared to most people around where I live (Thailand). I have to admit I am also not worried fo…

> I am also not worried for things like covid and climate change

Would you care to explain why?

Re: The biology of dads

#46

Post by civilized »

bluedays wrote: post #20

>Paradoxically, we found that fathers who activate the anterior cingulate the most when listening to infant crying report the most negative emotional responses to those cries, in particular being more likely to label the cry as spoiled or manipulative. How can greater engagement of a brain region associated with empathy be linked with such negative subjective reactions to the cry? We suspect it relates to a phenomeno…

This was a big challenge for me raising two little ones. Part of it is not even empathy, but being hypersensitive to loud distressing noise in general

Re: The biology of dads

#47

Post by wincy »

superflit wrote: post #3
zero_deg_kevin wrote: post #2

Any ideas on how to get them to stick around after their kids are born? Asking for a friend.

Maybe remembering the fathers that after his kid is born there is a "hell" time of mostly 3-4 months where the baby will be adapting to you and vice-versa. Then the baby sleeps gets longer and you can have 6-8h of sleep. New fathers: Hold tight, after 3-4 months it gets way easier.

My wife and I had two queen sized beds, I slept on one, and our infant and my wife on the other. We coslept and my wife breast fed ad libitum. People kept asking me if I was tired, and I was confused about what they meant. I remember her once commenting "it's so amazing, she (our daughter) sleeps through the night without feeding!" to which I replied, "no, she makes a small fuss and you roll over and pop a boob in her mouth"! Wife wasn't even aware it was happening, and we were well rested and happy.

On the downside, breast feeding ad libitum basically meant my wife's full time job was to breast feed, we went on a date after our kid was a few months old and we had to cut it short because she was sore and it was feeding time. She estimates she spent 40+ hours a week breastfeeding. She played a lot of video games with our daughter latched on, since it could be pretty boring.

Like any parents, we had a few "hell nights" when she was sick or teething, but in general human infants are significantly happier (and much quieter!) sleeping next to their mother, and unless a mother is either drunk or under the influence of some other substance, you're not going to crush your baby. I slept significantly more soundly and slept in a different bed. Putting your kid in a crib in a different room is a very weird, Victorian thing to do.

Re: The biology of dads

#50

Post by epx »

commandlinefan wrote: post #18

I was shocked how much more _patient_ I became - with everybody - after raising kids. It makes perfect sense, though: I had no choice but to learn relentless patience.

+1, I even started to "cry as a woman" after bad dreams or so. That started before the kid was born, even. My kid never had problems to sleep, he is by far more easygoing than either myself or even my wife, so I cannot blame external factors that forced me to be more patient or sympathetic. One basically gets a firmware upgrade when becomes a father.
Post reply on HN