31–40 of 285 posts
My personal experience as a dad of a 16 month old: new, intense anxiety about what the future will look like for my child.
Me too. Should I push them to win the shitty meritocracy tournament like I did? Or should I encourage them to follow their dreams and perhaps be more fulfilled? I'm leaning toward the latter.
Any ideas on how to get them to stick around after their kids are born? Asking for a friend.
Maybe remembering the fathers that after his kid is born there is a "hell" time of mostly 3-4 months where the baby will be adapting to you and vice-versa. Then the baby sleeps gets longer and you can have 6-8h of sleep. New fathers: Hold tight, after 3-4 months it gets way easier.
This was one of the hardest times for me as a parent, and it was helpful to know that I wasn't alone. We were given a DVD about this from our public health nurse.
Now I have a teenager, and oh boy, it's a whole new set of problems.
>Paradoxically, we found that fathers who activate the anterior cingulate the most when listening to infant crying report the most negative emotional responses to those cries, in particular being more likely to label the cry as spoiled or manipulative. How can greater engagement of a brain region associated with empathy be linked with such negative subjective reactions to the cry? We suspect it relates to a phenomeno…
I read that too and was similarly interested. When babysitting our niece who is <1 year old over night, I was able to handle the incessant crying really well and try to figure out how to alleviate it, or just ride it out while holding her. My wife had to remove herself because it was causing her a ton of distress from hearing the crying. I wonder if she was experiencing this empathic overarousal.
My personal experience as a dad of a 16 month old: new, intense anxiety about what the future will look like for my child.
I guess your anxiety could be based on the location where your living? I believe my daughter will be able to find plenty of great opportunities in her life and I'll be able to give her a very nice start compared to most people around where I live (Thailand).
I have to admit I am also not worried for things like covid and climate change, so if these things worry you a lot, I guess that might be part of your anxiety.
>Paradoxically, we found that fathers who activate the anterior cingulate the most when listening to infant crying report the most negative emotional responses to those cries, in particular being more likely to label the cry as spoiled or manipulative. How can greater engagement of a brain region associated with empathy be linked with such negative subjective reactions to the cry? We suspect it relates to a phenomeno…
I read that too and was similarly interested. When babysitting our niece who is <1 year old over night, I was able to handle the incessant crying really well and try to figure out how to alleviate it, or just ride it out while holding her. My wife had to remove herself because it was causing her a ton of distress from hearing the crying. I wonder if she was experiencing this empathic overarousal.
My personal experience as a dad of a 16 month old: new, intense anxiety about what the future will look like for my child.
this only gets worse when they get older. A dangerous thing that can happen is when you over-identify with your kids. Like being the overbearing sports-parent that pushes their kid to succeed because you see it as an extension of your success. I think every parent runs into this to some degree. I have to remind myself they are different people with their own wants, needs, values, and criteria for what "success" means…
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
Which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
But seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
Any ideas on how to get them to stick around after their kids are born? Asking for a friend.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Maybe remembering the fathers that after his kid is born there is a "hell" time of mostly 3-4 months where the baby will be adapting to you and vice-versa. Then the baby sleeps gets longer and you can have 6-8h of sleep. New fathers: Hold tight, after 3-4 months it gets way easier.
It gets better after 1 years, then gets better after 2, and so on. Especially once they become autonomous and self-sustaining and you can reason with them using words. Then it's absolute rewarding bliss and frustrating chaos all at the same time.
I was shocked how much more _patient_ I became - with everybody - after raising kids. It makes perfect sense, though: I had no choice but to learn relentless patience.
Ironically I spent over a decade in teaching (and about 5 years in a school with lots of pupils with SEND requirements), and then when I met my girlfriend and her 4 kids (who I've now been step-parent of for 10+ years), I was told how patient I was - teaching taught me it first, which was handy as I wasn't patient before... but it's definitely needed with kids.
Unfortunately, much of society fails to recognize that we need
compatible partners who love each other and will raise others'
kids. It is a shame because it is truly important.