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Ask HN: Are you depressed?

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Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#491

Post by kls »

ilikeerp wrote: post #371
sharkweek wrote: post #190

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this. To be blunt, it sounds like you’ve been tossed into a blender, and I can’t think of anyone in my life who could have gone through all of what you just described and not feel exhausted so please keep that in mind. It sounds like a lot. I don’t have any advice to give except, if you are able, find and speak to a professional therapist. I thought I was above that sort of…

I wish we could drop the word 'vulnerable'; that's what a gazelle is before a lion rips its head off. The OP was open and honest rather than vulnerable. If we want equality and open dialogue, we have to be careful to make our language inclusive. 'Vulnerable' is associated with being weak for some people and isn't an inclusive word. I don't consider myself vulnerable when I share something close to my heart. I would n…

This is a good point, when I talk about my suicide attempt I don't feel vulnerable, I feel it comes from a position of strength. Honesty does not have to come from vulnerability, it can come from a position of strength but a commitment to a moral duty to help others.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#492

Post by kls »

regularjack wrote: post #375
hutzlibu wrote: post #238

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"My girlfriend of 13 years left me the day after my birthday in June before I had a chance to propose to her" Well, there is a bright side to it. If you would have married and it was about to break soon after, you would have the joy of a legal divorce now on top of it. Instead you are free to find someone new. Possibly better fitting. The world is full of women and other awesome people, you can still connect with. A…

I think dismissing the end of a 13 year relationship with the "plenty of fish in the sea" argument and saying "stop wasting your time" is probably not what OP needs to hear right now.

It is exactly what he needs, holding onto it is going to further destroy him. Honestly when I read his post that was the biggest read flag. That is the hardest part for a man.

When a man invest in love it is very hard for them to just walk away from it, to the extent many of them hold on to it, when the reality is it is long gone.

I will tell you some of the best advice I got when I was in that situation and all of them seemed like they sucked at the time.

The following is what my friends did for me when my ex-wife decided to leave:

My friend John told me, you don't quit a job until you have another job that provides you income. His point was she has moved on, you are the only one stuck here.

My friend Tim at a club, Dude that girl is all over you and you look like a dead fish, you are letting her (the ex) memory make you a shitty date for this girl, who by the way looks much better than she ever did. So you, who have the power over this date is letting her in on your date and ruining it, oh and by the way isn't se banging another guy. He then went on to explain to me that her date was probably doing just fine.

My buddy Joe-Joe who would invite 10 or so girls over for a pool party at our house, every weekend. Who was nice enough to never try and push me, he just knew providing a fun environment, would bring me out of my shell sooner.

But it was finally my buddy Andy that snapped me out of it, by basically showing me, and giving me a tough love talk about the fact that she had moved on.

I wasted months moping and whining over a person that has moved on. In most of these cases, she has moved on, all of these guys seemed like jerks at the time, but they were my real friends, the one really working to free me from the chains that only I was in. This gentlemans best bet is to move on as fast as possible. She is not coming back and the funny part is the only way that she will try to come back is if he moves on.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#493

Post by kls »

aspaviento wrote: post #296
swat535 wrote: post #186

Nowhere else to post this so here it goes. I lost my job in January. From January - March I started looking for a job and then COVID hits at the height of my search, now suddenly no one is hiring and all the businesses are slowing down. My girlfriend of 13 years left me the day after my birthday in June before I had a chance to propose to her, I had to return the ring, she had no idea and I never told her about it. I…

> My girlfriend of 13 years left me the day after my birthday This is something I'll never understand. How can someone be with another person for so long and be able to end up things in such drastic manner (assuming there wasn't any toxicity in the relationship)? I mean, if you hadn't any idea that this could happen then did your partner never try to fix whatever problem you had before taking that decision?

It's not a popular observation and it is not a blanket statement but it is age old wisdom, the reality is for most relationships: Men get comfortable and Women get board. If you are a man, strive to not get comfortable that is all you can do.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#494

Post by hi41 »

princevegeta89 wrote: post #117

I lost my father recently and this has been the toughest period in my life. I grew up in India in a middle-class family and my father always went through unimaginable hardships just so that he can buy us chocolates and pay our tuition. He was still young at 65 and there was so much that I wanted to see and share with him. Realizing that this is not ever going to happen itself kills me from the inside. I'm doing okay…

I am sorry for your loss. I lost my father and my mother few years back. My mother’s passing away hit me very hard. My mother’s passing away meant I could no longer share my deepest feelings, fears and failings to someone who actually hears and understands. I still miss her. I now have kids and wish i had 1 percent the strength she had. I hope you find peace and are able to find strength from how your dad was a pillar in your family.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#495

Post by princevegeta89 »

hi41 wrote: post #494
princevegeta89 wrote: post #117

I lost my father recently and this has been the toughest period in my life. I grew up in India in a middle-class family and my father always went through unimaginable hardships just so that he can buy us chocolates and pay our tuition. He was still young at 65 and there was so much that I wanted to see and share with him. Realizing that this is not ever going to happen itself kills me from the inside. I'm doing okay…

I am sorry for your loss. I lost my father and my mother few years back. My mother’s passing away hit me very hard. My mother’s passing away meant I could no longer share my deepest feelings, fears and failings to someone who actually hears and understands. I still miss her. I now have kids and wish i had 1 percent the strength she had. I hope you find peace and are able to find strength from how your dad was a pilla…

Really sorry to hear that. I can only imagine how losing both parents can feel. Thinking about it more, this is the cycle of life and everyone passes through this phase. This pain and burden makes no exception for anyone. Thinking back, I have developed even more respect for my father based on how he remained strong after losing his father who he loved to the end of the earth. He lost his mother a while ago as well, but he continued to stay strong, and he only continued living for us, his kids. We were his pillars and his strength. The best gift I can give him is to live and love like him, and pass on his ideas to my kids after they enter this world.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#496

Post by Subsentient »

matthewheath wrote: post #430
Subsentient wrote: post #407

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ever play with Crystal? It's a very promising new language that's very much a copy of Ruby, down to the syntax.

I had a look at it a few years ago, but I've never played around with it. Do you like it?

I fucking love Crystal. It's a fantastic language that is just now starting to reach maturity. I'd strongly recommend you play with it, if you're a ruby guy.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#497

Post by nefitty »

staticman2 wrote: post #449
nefitty wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One of my friends went to a psychiatrist for ADHD symptoms and he got diagnosed with depression. He was like, “I didn’t know I was depressed!”

If he didn't know he was depressed maybe he isn't? There's no reason to believe two psychiatrists would provide the same diagnosis.

Good point. I will call him today and see how he’s doing. I’ll bring this up if it makes sense during our convo. Thanks!

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#498

Post by pmiller2 »

Jaruzel wrote: post #278

I'm reminded I'm depressed every time I take my anti-depressants. I know that I can't survive without them, having tried to come off them a few times, and going to a very dark place each time. The hardest step when living with depression is doing something about it. I wasted a decade of my life ignoring the signs. Don't be like me. If you think you are depressed, or even if you feel the world is just too hard to live…

The second hardest thing about depression is often continuing to live with it after attempt after attempt to do something about it hasn't helped.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#499

Post by maelvathk »

Well, I don't know if I'm depressed but let's say that despite having a stable life; a loving wife that cares about me, a loving family and a stable job, I feel deeply unsatisfied and unhappy.

I hate my job because I feel unproductive, incompetent and frustrated all the time, despite having a good relationship with my wife our sex life has going to hell and I feel it's my fault because I don't feel sexually attracted to her like before. I can't connect with other people because I feel awkward and out place and feel like I don't have anything relevant to say so I always avoid conversations. For this reason I have lost many friends and I haven't made a new friend in 10 years.

I spent a lot of the time daydreaming, thinking of "what could've been" as if my life was done, but it isn't because I'm 35.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#500

Post by kortex »

Shared404 wrote: post #174
kortex wrote: post #146

Yep. But surprisingly not as bad as I expected, given COVID, and ADHD+bipolar going into this mess. I've been reeeally depressed in the past, this isn't that. But feeling very burned out. Focus and working memory is really suffering. I'm too busy/tired to be bored but I feel novelty-deprived. I'm barely exercising and I know that's contributing but forming exercise habits is hard for me. Would be great actually if an…

> Would be great actually if anyone had tips on how to get exercise habits to stick. Try picking up martial arts or dance. Learning a skill while exercising may help with both the being novelty-deprived and the exercise habits. That being said, both of those are hard to pick up alone, and COVID is still here. You may be able to find live-streams or something to help with that.

I actually have done martial arts for years! Black belt in Taekwondo, green in Ishinru Karate. A touch of aikido. I love it. But, like you said, covid :(

I think I shall look into various ways for unstructured study of martial arts. What I _really_ want to learn is a Kung Fu (particularly Shaolin) and there's a place around here that teaches Chinese martial arts but it's crazy expensive.

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