Hack: Accept yourself, and don't try to be social. This takes the pressure off of being social, and enables you to handle social situation in relaxed state.
You ain't perfect - nobody is. Remember and accept it.
Social anxiety is crippling my life, what can I do to stop it?
31–40 of 46 posts
Re: Social anxiety is crippling my life, what can I do to stop it?
#32Talk to a professional. It's possible an anti-anxiety medication could have a profound effect, or simply talking through the underlying thought process that's keeping you isolated may be the ticket.
I have very similar thoughts and I can sympathize with how crappy it feels. I'm always worried that I'm doing or saying something stupid, and I can't really stop thinking that whoever I'm interacting with must think I'm an idiot. Knowing that there's a schism between reality and your perception of the situation is a good start though.
Something I'm starting to do is look for groups related to my interest that interact both online and in person. I'm really into iPhone photography, so I've been getting to know other local enthusiasts though Flickr and Instagram. Meeting in person is much more comfortable, since there's already some connection and common interest.
If you happen to be in the Toronto area, I'll take you out for a beer and we know at least 1 thing in common we can talk about. :)
Re: Social anxiety is crippling my life, what can I do to stop it?
#33"Self diagnosing" can be dangerous, and you should probably seek out some professional guidance as well - possibly two or three to see if there's any consensus. I want to say I felt the same during the highschool->university transition. I think I did have similar attitudes for several years. One of the only things I learned during that period is that self-pity is not attractive or desirable on any level - eventually…
Thanks. I've decided that I will talk to my doctor about this and I will ask him about going to a behavioral therapist. I can see that speaking to someone that understands will help me stay accountable. I've read material on social anxiety in the past but that hasn't had much of an affect and this thread has helped me realize that there is no need to continue to try and go it alone.
Thanks to everyone for their comments, I've read them all and I really appreciate the support. I'm determined to make this the turning point.
Re: Social anxiety is crippling my life, what can I do to stop it?
#34I can tell you one thing: it gets much easier later because when you're older you'll think less about what other people think about you and more about what you think about other people. The other side of the coin is that you'll become much more picky about who you would consider an interesting person. Another great divider that I've observed is that there are two kinds of people: emotional and analytic. The trick is…
"Between an emotional and an analytic personality there's very little to talk about really because the world looks so different when seen mostly through emotions versus mostly through analytic cognition." Wouldn't seeing the world differently offer more to talk about?
Well, emotional person feels like talking to robot, that's what I've been said.
At the same time, I felt like talking to a child.
Not much to talk about, as for me.
Re: Social anxiety is crippling my life, what can I do to stop it?
#35Go out to a nightclub and pop some ecstasy. You'll get over the social anxiety pretty quickly.
I know this is half in jest, but it is ashamed that X is not getting more attention and being taken serious as a mental health drug. We have such a taboo against anything that creates the dirty "euphoria" word in a patient. When some time euphoria is exactly what the patient needs.
I spent 2 years on Paxil for anxiety issues and spent 2 months sick as could be, in full blown withdraws, because at the time no one knew that Paxil would make you physically dependent (absolute worst withdraws I have ever been through).
Because Paxil was not euphoric no one seems to have a problem with the fact that it causes heavy physical dependance, even though it causes the same physical dependance as other "abused" drugs. I would argue worse, Paxil was the worst withdraws I ever went through, thousands of times worse than smoking or other substances.
Anyways, I am rambling. Point is, we as a society are so hypocritical, we claim we don't want to create addicts yet we hand out highly physically addictive substances like Paxil, but because it does not create euphoria, it is OK because no one is getting "high". We need to get past euphoria as a dirty word and start giving people that clearly have imbalances of chemical that make them feel good medicine that simulates or elevates chemicals that make them feel good. Trust me, the hell of feeling like crap is far worse than someone becoming dependent on a chemical that makes them feel normal. So I have to agree with the parent, get a small dose of X and see if it works for you, when it comes to mental health you have to find what works legal or not.
Re: Social anxiety is crippling my life, what can I do to stop it?
#36Find things to do with other people: work,volunteer work, sports if you can do sports and don't dislike the level of conversation. If the conversation arises naturally out of what you're doing, it won't scare you; you'll be absorbed in the conversation rather than trying to figure out how to get it started.
But I agree with what seems to be the consensus here: talk to somebody like a therapist, who will have seen such concerns before.
[edit: spelling]
Re: Social anxiety is crippling my life, what can I do to stop it?
#37Take comfort in the fact that a huge number of people feel the same way - conversations with strangers or even friends can be nerve-wracking.
I had counselling for anxiety problems not too long ago. You are unique and so I can't offer any specific advice other than if you can afford it, or get it free (eg. in the UK on the NHS for example) then it will help, and you will feel better. Try to find a counsellor who has specific experience with anxiety or depression issues (most will) and talk to them openly about your fears.
If you can't get counselling, then find someone who's opinions you respect and try asking them about it. I was hugely surprised once I told people I was getting therapy, and many of my friends were in similar situations! It might appear like other people are confident and sociable and have loads of friends, but lots of people are just as scared as you are.
Re: Social anxiety is crippling my life, what can I do to stop it?
#38Start a new hobby, either singing, or acting. That's how I confronted my social anxiety.
Re: Social anxiety is crippling my life, what can I do to stop it?
#39[deleted]
Re: Social anxiety is crippling my life, what can I do to stop it?
#40I pretty much suck in a group setting. I mean I can follow okay, of course, but I rarely interject anything. This used to bother me but now I have mostly accepted this is the way I am. In a one-on-one setting, I am much more "normal". I talk a regular amount and if it's something I'm passionate about, I talk a lot. So I am rarely in large groups of friends, as some people are, but rather have a few friends that I hang out with individually. And the people that I do tend to hang out with tend to be outgoing types, or at least talkative people, so that we complement each other. All of this is just to say, work with what ya got, rather than trying to be someone you're not.
As for how to get from point A (small talk) to point B (friendship) I would just keep in mind a few upcoming things and take the opportunity to invite someone out when it arises. Like keep tabs on upcoming events (concerts, festivals, etc) that sorta interest you and then if there's someone you want to get to know better, just mention it and see what you think. Or even if you mention that you both like roller blading (or whatever) you can make an open ended offer to invite them out. Even if they are not interested in that particular thing, if they want to get to know you better too, they will offer something back, then or later. Some people will say always say yes but don't mean it, but that's pretty easy to spot when they don't follow through, but no biggie.
I met a mom at random at a park and she mentioned that she wanted to do more playdates with her kid, and I offered that she could call me and we could set one up, and now she's my best friend. I've met lots of moms before and since, and some we even met for a playdate, but we didn't click as well so we didn't really make a friendship out of it. I think when it comes to making friends, I would say, cast a wide net early on and just be really open to hanging out with people without the pressure of this being a long term friend.