> Especially in contrast with other circles that I ran in, specifically nerdier programmers working at FAANG. Nerdier programmers should spend less time talking among themselves about Redis, NodeJS and Angular at those bars and more time talking to women that are there about something other than nerdy stuff. One would be amazed how far even cursory knowledge of different topics, current events, food, wine and general…
Conversations about food and wine bore me.
You are not a part of the market for those men unless you are a woman they want to sleep with.
My wife works with both men and women to fix their problems with finding a good relationship, and what you describe is the most common way of thinking among those men. Most of them are too stubborn to deviate from "they just have to accept me the way I am". Seriously, getting a nice haircut, dressing nicely, grooming yourself and smelling good has nothing to do with your personality. In this sense, men have it way ea…
I mean what you say sounds pretty reasonable. I wonder it also sound reasonable if I say "Well black men have it really easy, they have great skin tone and better physique than average. All they have to do is to not dress like punk or wear hoodies and have hair cut short so they don't have run in with police often"
There is an element of truth in this- just remove the word 'black' from your comment,as it's not necessary: I see a lot of young adults(I was one of them some years ago), who dress and behave in public in a way that it almost guarantees unnecessary attention(not in a good way), including from police. Dress like a normal person,not like some low life drug dealer,who spent 10 years on heroin, drop the idiotic language -'oi bruv' and so on and suddenly life becomes better. Even the hardcore criminals were fast to realise that it's much better to wear a suit and a tie than a tracksuit and and a hoody.
> The survey found that from 2000 to 2018, nearly one in three U.S. men aged 18 to 24 reported no sexual activity in the past year. > Sexual activity was largely unchanged among unmarried women The first reason that occurs to me is that women are showing more of preference for monogamous relationships. Perhaps the 'hookup' culture is starting to lose it's appeal. I find it a bit stomach-churning that we are presented…
> women are showing more of preference for monogamous relationships.
The data suggests exactly the opposite. If the same number of women are having sex, but a record number of men are having no sex, then there is a lot less monogamy going on.
My point is that it can be done. That's all. All the non-white friends that I have are way better seducers than me and are just as happy in their relationships. The vicinity of Amsterdam is pretty multicultural, so any open-minded person ends up with a good chunk of multicultural friends. Currently, I'd say that my friendships are 30% Dutch, 20% international (white) and 50% non-white. They're almost all male though.…
Wow. Respect, I guess, but I definitely never had the motivation to approach 10,000 women. That would indeed be brutal as all hell, and it's hard to see women as being worth that sort of trouble.
> and it's hard to see women as being worth that sort of trouble.
I now see it as mining. You're mining for an amazing intimate connection.
This idea doesn't have to pertain to only the intimate realm of human connection, I think it's a good idea to multiple forms of human connections.
It also depends on your background and beliefs. I was 100% convinced I'd die alone as a virgin around the age of 80. So I was willing to do whatever it takes.
That’s always been the case. People’s goals are different at different times during their life. There’s always a transactional aspect to being in a relationship. Are you good looking enough, healthy enough, wealthy enough, well connected enough, emotionally connected, personality etc. It may not be fruitful to frame a relationship exclusively in those pros and cons terms, but that’s the way nature has always worked.
Women are having a lot more sexual partners, a lot sooner in their lives, today than at any previous point in history. This invalidates any historical models of sexual behavior. You can very well imagine a woman in Victorian times, keeping her virginity until her arranged marriage (in less developed Western countries this was still the case up until the 70s and 80s) to an average, physically unattractive male. The fa…
While personally I applaud this new-found freedom for women, and while I hope we'll figure out ways to adapt, I do share your fear to a slight degree. Maybe I'm too optimistic, but I really think we can adapt.
I think most of my worries stem from an increase in reactionary politics combined with a growing group of young, 'have-not' males. That seems to me like a particularly bad combination.
The status quo doesn’t negatively impact educated women, it impacts educated women who refuse to date men of lower educational attainment.
I don't think it's just about education. It's multi-dimensional and more about overall status, which is a combination of innate factors like looks/intelligence/humor and things like education and job prestige/salary.
Either way, women deciding to sleep around for a decade and then complaining that there are "no" men left is a problem of their own design.
I’m a young US man and I find sex (and close human contact in general) mildly disgusting. Yet, I also feel so much pressure from my peers to be dating and having sex. The culture basically says sex and drugs are the only things worth doing. I spend my time on dating apps going on dates I don’t enjoy in the hopes of having sex that I don’t enjoy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m attracted to women and enjoy spending time with…
Any chance you grew up in an evangelical "purity" community?
whiny comments whenever one more study like this comes out. This is a trend that is well known and discussed for at least 10 years. A french novelist wrote about it 25 years ago: the free sexual market leads to inequality , which means pauperization for a lot of men. Now, instead of chest thumping and whining, it is better to accept the trend for the fact that it is, and work with the consequences. These changes refl…
Mass castration, as done to domestic animals, could solve a problem. Genetic test can help decide today if a male baby is going to be less than 6ft tall in adulthood, and thus warrant castration to prevent future disappointment in life.
I mean, historically, prostitution and devastating wars are the answer. What would an 80% castrated male populous want with society? Why would they work to support such a regime?
I didn't realize how much of HN overlapped the incel 'community'. Really an eye-opening and depressing thread. Do so many young men really think this way?