Ask HN: I implemented the life I designed: perfect but I feel lost. What now? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: I implemented the life I designed: perfect but I feel lost. What now?

#91

Post by OrangeBlaze » Sun, Jun 07, 2020, 9:24 PM UTC

I was once in a similar situation: I felt full but empty at the same time. I was very content with my life but I knew something was missing and I had no idea what it was. Some people have suggested to spend time ‘giving back’. But why? There is no real objective reason to be altruistic. It seemed to me that it was all meaningless. The very foundations of morals and ethics became weak. I hated this perspective and tried to inject some pseudo logical reason to give me purpose in my empty life. Like yourself, I concluded that I simply can’t carry on living like this.

What took me out of this loop was a stronger belief in God. I acknowledged that I was lost, submitted myself, and simply asked for guidance. This required a level of self-honestly and introspection. Incrementally, my life became filled with meaning as I began to understand Allah. Everything that I do, I do it in worship of Allah. I live and love in His light and life has never ever been better. My love and trust in Allah has given me a sense of purpose that is unparalleled. My relationships have improved tremendously and I am no longer subject to intense emotions of anxiety and existential dread. In turn, my productive output has improved as well as my mental clarity.(all by the grace of Allah)

I understand a lot of people may not believe in God. I implore you to throw your ego away and truly seek your wellbeing.

hug

Note: Allah literally translates to “The God” as Islam is strictly monotheistic.

Re: Ask HN: I implemented the life I designed: perfect but I feel lost. What now?

#92

Post by blisterpeanuts » Sun, Jun 07, 2020, 9:27 PM UTC

PascLeRasc wrote: post #23

blisterpeanuts wrote: post #13

When I was older than you, I left technology to try for medical school. After several years of studies, some of it absolutely brutal, I had to go back to technology; my brain is just not wired to memorize large amounts of information as required to pass med school exams. It was a fascinating detour and I was fortunate that I had the tech skills to get back into technology, though my dreams of becoming a doctor had co…

Did you do a post-bac program for this? I'm in the process of trying to leave software and become a PA, but I'm not sure what the best path would be, or how to budget/plan.

Yes, I did a post-bac program. But you don't need a program; you can just take the prerequisite courses: physics, chemistry, organic chemistry, and biology.

PA is a tough program, and very competitive today; it's not much different from med school (shorter, though).

I'm not sure if PA programs offer a medical masters program, but many med schools do: a 24 month degree program featuring two semesters of coursework that is identical to the first year of medical school followed by two semesters of other stuff including thesis. Usually people do it to prove to themselves and to med schools that they have what it takes; it significantly improves their chances of admission. Probably would help with PA as well. I wish I had done a medical masters degree and that would have helped me either pass med school, or realize it wasn't for me!

PA is also different in that it is rooted in the Vietnam era, giving a pathway to war medics who have lots of field experience but lack the schooling and credentials of med school. To get into PA school, you're expected to have around 1,000 hours of field work -- volunteering, EMT, nursing, etc. This may have changed recently, but was true 10-12 years ago for sure.

I've spoken to quite a few M.D.s who said they wish they had chosen PA -- a shorter path, less stress, and very satisfying.

Re: Ask HN: I implemented the life I designed: perfect but I feel lost. What now?

#93

Post by _y5hn » Sun, Jun 07, 2020, 9:29 PM UTC

adv0r wrote: post #80

_y5hn wrote: post #78

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Lots of possibilities: Local churches (where young adults go), philosophy groups, search around on billboards and campuses, yoga classes (ie. Art of Living), etc. Some groups are open to newcomers. Just keep in mind, many groups try to suck you in and you may need to review why and if you should continue from time to time. Any place you start, you might connect to people drawn to you, so could end up in a different g…

ohhh would love to join philosophy groups... is it a thing?

I've been to such event, though wasn't a regular and it was more of an alternative gathering. That was before all the web services, but nowadays there's ie. meetup, and college/university is bound to have something too: https://www.meetup.com/topics/philosophy/

Meetup could be a good place to connect about lots of stuff. Don't be surprised if the thing finds you, but one need to be open to try new and unplanned experiences.

Re: Ask HN: I implemented the life I designed: perfect but I feel lost. What now?

#94

Post by voisin » Sun, Jun 07, 2020, 9:34 PM UTC

Schopenhauer wrestled with this problem and came up (paraphrasing so do your own research - lots to read about this discussion) with the telic vs atelic duopoly with respect to meaningfulness. What you seem to have achieved are telic goals - things with a clear end point, like a certain amount of money or no debt or living in a certain place. What he says, and I’ve found in my own life, is that the struggle to achieve these is often motivated by a belief that the end result is more than it actually is in reality and that we are left feeling empty once we’ve achieved them (or emptier than expected). Instead, we should struggle to achieve atelic goals, which have no end. Think of it like being an artisan - there is no endpoint, just continuous honing of a craft. Fatherhood is an example - there’s no “endpoint” - you find meaning from being an ever greater father.

What’s nice about atelic goals is they tend to be mutually exclusive and force you to choose where you will devote your time to lifelong improvement. Telic goals are the opposite - there’s always another race to get under your belt or another country to go visit or a bigger house to buy.

Re: Ask HN: I implemented the life I designed: perfect but I feel lost. What now?

#95

Post by mholt » Sun, Jun 07, 2020, 9:39 PM UTC

albertk92 wrote: post #84

mholt wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you pray? If not, start there. It might take you out of your comfort zone a bit to approach a deity you do not know (or know well). As others have suggested, now's a good time to offer up your means to improve the world, and to be a blessing in others' lives. A living God can help you do that, and He'll help you to find Him. If you want some more guidance in spiritual development, missionaries can help. Edit: So,…

Getting involved with a church or religion could be a positive thing for you, but I would recommend not joining the one linked to in the parent comment. I grew up in that church, and it demands unreasonable amounts of time, money, and group loyalty. Its missionaries are unlikely to outline all of the church's expectations of its members up front. It's hard to be a half-way member, so you end up being either in or out…

You must feel pretty strongly about it since you made an account just to post that comment. Are you also the one who downvoted my comment just because our experiences have been different?

Re: Ask HN: I implemented the life I designed: perfect but I feel lost. What now?

#96

Post by _y5hn » Sun, Jun 07, 2020, 9:48 PM UTC

adv0r wrote: post #61

k__ wrote: post #49

Is your life really what you want? I'm asking, because what you said sounds like copied from somewhere, without any own toughts. You also sound a bit narrow minded. Life is more than just getting rich, marry, make, kids and travel. You can make art, draw, musik, sing, dance, sport, research. Also, you seem rather goal oriented. That isn't bad, but it can lead to problems. While chasing a goal, you don't have it and l…

>Is your life really what you want? Not really, you are right. Those things are culturally superimposed on a great extent. >You can make art, draw, musik, sing, dance, sport, research. Besides sport and research, which I basically practice daily, it's been ages since I last danced/sang/played an instrument. Let alone drawing and art :) Are you suggesting that I can find meaning by adding some of those to my weeks/day…

Can you accept yourself the way you are and feel? If you do stuff to drive away feelings, you'll always be chasing away from life and its many depths. Sometimes, life throws you curveballs or one just feels like shit. Doing something to "remove" shitty feelings, doesn't really resolve or accomplish anything. In Hinduism this is called "karma" (action), which is the opposite of "dharma" (right action). When we get trapped in patterns, we tend to go in circles (karma). When we break patterns, mend stuff and go on with life, intuition about our life's purpose is unwrapping and what we then do, even when superficially misunderstood or unseen, is called dharma. The root of dharma is often intention to do good, while the root of karma is often the chains of action-reaction. Without karma, there's no dharma, they go hand-in-hand.

Re: Ask HN: I implemented the life I designed: perfect but I feel lost. What now?

#97

Post by Gollapalli » Sun, Jun 07, 2020, 9:49 PM UTC

OrangeBlaze wrote: post #91

I was once in a similar situation: I felt full but empty at the same time. I was very content with my life but I knew something was missing and I had no idea what it was. Some people have suggested to spend time ‘giving back’. But why? There is no real objective reason to be altruistic. It seemed to me that it was all meaningless. The very foundations of morals and ethics became weak. I hated this perspective and tri…

Not a Muslim, but I think this is right answer. You were made for something, what is that thing you were made for? What set of tasks? Why live? The answer is really not up to you, but up to God.

Re: Ask HN: I implemented the life I designed: perfect but I feel lost. What now?

#98

Post by adv0r » Sun, Jun 07, 2020, 9:56 PM UTC

neplus wrote: post #57

I would recommend the following video that may not provide explicit answers, but will perhaps provide a contextual understanding for how you're feeling. Why Passivity Breeds Mediocrity and Mental Illness: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUs6NDsMWVI It sounds like you've slammed your new life full of ephemeral busywork to, well, keep yourself occupied. It also sounds like you don't have a professional network that rel…

Watched the video. I am definitely the kind of person he describes, and I agree with the diagnosis he makes about the human condition. I honestly don't think the cure he is suggesting is working, otherwise, I wouldn't be here. I am very very very far from being passive, indeed I (try to) fill (most of) my days with challenges and creative activities from which I get pride (cit.) pleasure, and make me feel alive. I've always lived this way, and it starts to feel like a "challenge addiction" that doesn't really take me anywhere long term. It makes me perpetually and intermittently unsatisfied so that I need to go find "the next thing" to create/do/work on, that will make the discomfort go away, and let me feel PRIDE. For 10 minutes. And then back to it... It's a hamster wheel, and it's the very reason I started this thread. I started to somehow look with envy at the "content people" which seem to get away with passive and superficial relaxing lives.

Re: Ask HN: I implemented the life I designed: perfect but I feel lost. What now?

#99

Post by cmroanirgo » Sun, Jun 07, 2020, 9:56 PM UTC

adv0r wrote: post #79

cmroanirgo wrote: post #68

This may sound like a flippant comment, but perhaps you're ready to start exploring the great unknown: yourself. "Know thyself" is one of the tenants of old, and people naturally think they know themselves well. (I used to think the same way too... but it's actually an illusion - a self deceit that we have all built in.) Start by digging into your own uneasiness. Where does it come from? What triggers it? You'll find…

Are you sure? I spent the last 30 years focusing on myself, on what I wanted to do, to learn, to get, to reach... Idk... >Start by digging into your own uneasiness. Where does it come from? What triggers it? You'll find some personal thing, most likely from childhood, tucked away in the recesses of your psyche that drives you. Meditation and self-honesty are key here. I somehow feel like my "uneasiness" are the real…

Absolutely sure. I'm an infinitely better person for it... Add have gone barely a step down the road.

There's a big difference between going along with your drives and understanding their root cause. There's this freedom and peace that comes whenever you uncover the dirt about yourself, that honestly can't be found anywhere else.

This road is not be for everyone, however. Your initial request for suggestions showed that it could be. You mentioned that you're happy, that you have everything, and yet you have an uneasiness driving you. Would it not be better to be master of your own vehicle, rather than be 'driven'?

Although it seems very selfish, the opposite actually happens. You're more Here. You're more available and ready to help others, etc.

Although I heartily recommend this way, it's a personal choice on whether to even try it.

Re: Ask HN: I implemented the life I designed: perfect but I feel lost. What now?

#100

Post by poormystic » Sun, Jun 07, 2020, 9:58 PM UTC

I too have found that the material world and its rewards aren't enough for me. For me, meaning is found in the work of care for others, often at my own expense. The 5 necessities of life are usually said to be 1) food 2) water 3) clothing 4) shelter 5) each other. Given that food, water, shelter and clothing are so easy to come by, it has come to seem to me that the more work I put into number 5, the happier I become.