That's rough. I'm sorry you're struggling with the aftermath.
My own story may be relevant to you. FWIW:
I was really into zen as a kid. Part of my rebellion against Christianity and leaving my church. Once while meditating, I accidentally had a pretty bad trip. (I can describe the actual trip separately.) I was completely unprepared, didn't even know such a thing was possible.
It's kicked my ass ever since.
From what I read (afterwards), others have called that kind of trip ego death, death-rebirth, religious experience.
In buddhist terms, if that was the 2nd stage, I had ZERO interest in experiencing the 3rd stage, much less the 4th stage (aka "enlightenment").
A few months later, I was diagnosed with an acute life threatening disease. I was hospitalized for months, spent a few years recovering.
So the upside to having the living shit scared out of me while meditating was that actual near death real experiences were emotional cake walks. My care providers were like "Who is this kid?!" My family was less amused by my apparent blasé attitude.
Any way. To wrap this up.
We're all going get "there" one way or another. You're gonna die. It's all pointless. Yadda, yadda.
But you can choose to resume your normal life. You cope. You adapt. Fake it, if you have to, like I did. And eventually the habit of day to day living, striving, struggling, smelling the roses will become your new normal. Most of the time.
Just one caveat. Your pharmacology can absolutely change your brain, personality, outlook. Mental well being isn't just happy self-talk. Mind and body are inseparable. So figure out that other stuff too, if needed.