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Ask HN: Do kids drag your career down?

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Re: Ask HN: Do kids drag your career down?

#121

Post by jp42 »

basseq wrote: post #12

Kids—I have 3—reinforce attributes that should be valuable in the workforce. * I ruthlessly prioritize — you have to when you're balancing a family. * I don't dwell on mistakes – milk, quite literally, is spilled on a daily basis. * I'm a better manager – kids teach you to be clear and immediate in your feedback, not to mention more empathetic * I speak better – reading bedtime stories means you practice public speak…

This --> "so what's "slowing your career down" is your management... not your kids or your own performance."

Re: Ask HN: Do kids drag your career down?

#122

Post by jasonlotito »

> Less hours means less dedication in the eyes of management.

In the eyes of bad management, yes. In the eyes of good management, quite the opposite. If you are spending more time working then what's expected to get your job done, my concern is what happens when you 1) leave or 2) burn out. I'd rather have you spend your time doing what your job and then relaxing and not burning out then burning out or leaving. Reliability is key here.

This is also a problem if they leave, because it sets a false perception of what can be done in a normal work week.

Not to mention the actual quality of the work long term. Basically, everything I've ever seen of excessive hours per week results in long term losses.

Re: Ask HN: Do kids drag your career down?

#123

Post by viklove »

tasuki wrote: post #95
AntonRR wrote: post #91

Honestly that's the worst way to look at it. In the grand scheme of things kids are way more important than any career. Obviously kids drag your career down but ask yourself: what are you going to leave behind after you die? Will you be yet another inheritance the government gets after you die? Yet another dead SSN? Or will you leave behind something far more valuable than a mere product like 2+ living beings continu…

> In the grand scheme of things kids are way more important than any career. So, you're not a utilitarian? > far more valuable than a mere product like 2+ living beings continuing your bloodline and thus making the world better,safer and one step closer to the future I'm not seeing how leaving more people in the world is necessarily making it a better place. Why should it be better that way? Why should OP's offspring…

Having children is probably the most selfish thing we do as humans, but most people who have children spend a lot of time convincing themselves otherwise.

Re: Ask HN: Do kids drag your career down?

#124

Post by Fire-Dragon-DoL »

giantg2 wrote: post #104
Fire-Dragon-DoL wrote: post #57

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If what you said it's true, that rating is worthless. How can be a top 20 if you get a lower rating just for taking parental leave? That's awful. Whoever had a kid can tell you how hard is the first month. And if all goes well, the first month is hard. If you have even a little hiccup, the first month is SLEEPLESS.

They get the rating because overall it's a pretty good place and they won't tell you the real reason behind your rating - they always have a cover story. I have friends who are managers. They've told me things they shouldn't tell an employee. For example, if a manager picks someone for the highest rating, some departments require the manager to give someone a below average rating to "balance it out", even if they don…

That's a terrible company you are describing...

Re: Ask HN: Do kids drag your career down?

#125

Post by esotericn »

giantg2 wrote: post #33
swalberg wrote: post #25

"watch the kid" -- I think you spelled "be a parent" wrong. I don't know where you are in your career, or what your expectation is of a career, but there are lots of companies out there where you can do interesting things, be well paid, and have time to balance your work and family life. You just need to look for it just like you were looking for a higher salary, more responsibility, or even use of a particular techn…

I've thought about moving to a different company. My current company is in the top 20 best places to work in IT (computer world), although I don't know how much i trust that rating. They talk a lot about work-life balance. Do you have an example company to recommend? I don't seek a high salary - just enough to live without fear and to someday retire. I hope to do interesting things, but I would be fine with boring ta…

Literally nowhere that is a good place to work is even listed in these rankings. It's always massive corporations that get the award for some weird PR reason.

Re: Ask HN: Do kids drag your career down?

#126

Post by esotericn »

cephaslr wrote: post #39

I used to get really worked up early in my career trying to win the ratings game. When I got older I began to question the concept of the career, ironically when I finally started ‘winning’ at it. 1. Ratings and promotions within a job/company are boss personality and politically dependent and typically very unfair. Lots of hard work goes unrewarded. 2. Even if you do get lucky and get a promotion, your prize is 5-10…

I think you're more pointing to the fact that most 'raises' are joke tier. The word 'raise' in and of itself generally refers to an ~inflation bump.

5% per year is practically nothing. There is no point in my life at which I would have ever even noticed the difference other than on a spreadsheet, all the way up from a corner shop minimum wage job.

I think the reason most people push is for those lateral changes when you break into a different "role" and double your salary, change your working hours/respect, etc, because that's a material difference.

Re: Ask HN: Do kids drag your career down?

#127

Post by doteka »

new_realist wrote: post #70
basseq wrote: post #12

Kids—I have 3—reinforce attributes that should be valuable in the workforce. * I ruthlessly prioritize — you have to when you're balancing a family. * I don't dwell on mistakes – milk, quite literally, is spilled on a daily basis. * I'm a better manager – kids teach you to be clear and immediate in your feedback, not to mention more empathetic * I speak better – reading bedtime stories means you practice public speak…

If you have all of these attributes and have kids, you will not progress as fast as someone who has all of these attributes and no kids: they have more time, more energy, more sleep, and more money. They can afford to take more risks. Finally, they probably have an aching void in their personal life which they will try to fill with career ambition. This is all reflected in women’s pay statistics: those who wait to ha…

I strongly resent you suggesting that someone not having kids must mean they have an "aching void" in their life. Have kids if that makes you happy, but don't presume that this is what everyone's life must orbit around.

Re: Ask HN: Do kids drag your career down?

#129

Post by _____smurf_____ »

mikekchar wrote: post #74

I'm over 50 and don't have kids. It is incredibly unlikely that I ever will have kids ;-) Has it helped my career significantly? I don't think so. I know lots of people who are more successful than me in objective terms that do have kids. Not having kids means that you get to be selfish. That's pretty much it. If you want to devote yourself completely to your job, you can. I did that for some time. It was fun for som…

This was one of the most sincere comments I read on HN. Thank you for these words.
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