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Ask HN: Do kids drag your career down?

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Re: Ask HN: Do kids drag your career down?

#101

Post by loxists_locusts »

jumelles wrote: post #100
loxists_locusts wrote: post #92

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It doesn't matter what you think. You are a drone. In 50 years, you will be extinct. And please refrain from voting. What right do you have to a say in your nation's future if you openly shirk any investment or responsibility towards it? Work, tax, disappear. As you were, drone.

Are you really saying that people without children shouldn’t vote?

To those who consciously and deliberately avoid it for childish, irresponsible, misguided and selfish reasons: yes.

They've decided not to have a stake in the future of our nation. They've proven themselves incapable of long-term planning beyond their own immediate gratification. They have no skin in the game.

Why would we want them to vote? How could we possibly trust them to make responsible decisions with their track record?

If the devil offered them $10 cash on condition that the world is swallowed in flames in 100 years, what's to stop them?

Re: Ask HN: Do kids drag your career down?

#103

Post by lukaszkups »

mikekchar wrote: post #74

I'm over 50 and don't have kids. It is incredibly unlikely that I ever will have kids ;-) Has it helped my career significantly? I don't think so. I know lots of people who are more successful than me in objective terms that do have kids. Not having kids means that you get to be selfish. That's pretty much it. If you want to devote yourself completely to your job, you can. I did that for some time. It was fun for som…

this is a powerful comment. thank you for writing this (from a father of 2)

Re: Ask HN: Do kids drag your career down?

#104

Post by giantg2 »

Fire-Dragon-DoL wrote: post #57
giantg2 wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've thought about moving to a different company. My current company is in the top 20 best places to work in IT (computer world), although I don't know how much i trust that rating. They talk a lot about work-life balance. Do you have an example company to recommend? I don't seek a high salary - just enough to live without fear and to someday retire. I hope to do interesting things, but I would be fine with boring ta…

If what you said it's true, that rating is worthless. How can be a top 20 if you get a lower rating just for taking parental leave? That's awful. Whoever had a kid can tell you how hard is the first month. And if all goes well, the first month is hard. If you have even a little hiccup, the first month is SLEEPLESS.

They get the rating because overall it's a pretty good place and they won't tell you the real reason behind your rating - they always have a cover story. I have friends who are managers. They've told me things they shouldn't tell an employee. For example, if a manager picks someone for the highest rating, some departments require the manager to give someone a below average rating to "balance it out", even if they don't deserve it.

Re: Ask HN: Do kids drag your career down?

#105

Post by giantg2 »

cephaslr wrote: post #39

I used to get really worked up early in my career trying to win the ratings game. When I got older I began to question the concept of the career, ironically when I finally started ‘winning’ at it. 1. Ratings and promotions within a job/company are boss personality and politically dependent and typically very unfair. Lots of hard work goes unrewarded. 2. Even if you do get lucky and get a promotion, your prize is 5-10…

I couldn't have said #1 any better myself. I realized #1 and #2 a couple of years ago. I don't want an executive job. I would enjoy the strategy but hate the political.

I agree that the 7-10% bump is not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. But I have done jobs (and done them well) that were a level above me, such as tech lead, senior dev, and ASC (I'm a mid-level dev). It would be nice to be paid commensurate with the stress. Plus I would love to use that money, even though it wouldn't be much, to save for my kid's education.

I do have a business, but it's just for selling honey. I also try to make money trading the market, but that has only small payouts because I don't have much capital to risk.

Thank you for your input.

Re: Ask HN: Do kids drag your career down?

#106

Post by giantg2 »

rootusrootus wrote: post #22

Not for me. It's turbocharged my career. It helps that I'm at the level where management isn't seeing my contribution as hours in a chair. Having kids gave me something in common with all of our senior management. Anecdotally, that improved relationship has been a hell of a boost for my career success. It certainly will depend on your individual situation. If your management is all childless workaholics, I can see ho…

Having something in common is good. Managers are expected to work 9.5 hours per day and be available 24/7 to recieve calls/texts/emails on their phones. So even if they have kids, they need to put in 50 hours a week, which isn't too bad I guess.

Re: Ask HN: Do kids drag your career down?

#107

Post by giantg2 »

fma wrote: post #61
Fire-Dragon-DoL wrote: post #55

If a manager told you that parental leave means lower rating, that's a clear signal the company doesn't value families. With everything that is involved in growing a kid (teaching, empathy, learn to talk in the most simple and direct way), I would be surprised if you are not actually improving. All those interpersonal skills are growing, they might not match directly to your job (e.g. Coding), but will make you a lot…

Actually of OP can get it in writing that parental leave = lower rating, and parental leave was taken under FMLA...that's illegal. https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/fact-sheets/77b-fmla-protec... "An employer is prohibited from discriminating or retaliating against an employee or prospective employee for having exercised or attempted to exercise any FMLA right. " I know of a manager at my company dumb enough to put it…

I got that information from a friend who wasn't even supposed to tell me. I wouldn't jeopardize them. They didn't say it necessarily means a lower rating. It's that they will compare you apples to apples with the output of your colleagues who did not take leave. If you took 6 weeks of paid parental leave, then your story point count will be about 15% lower than theirs.

Re: Ask HN: Do kids drag your career down?

#108

Post by cambalache »

mikekchar wrote: post #74

I'm over 50 and don't have kids. It is incredibly unlikely that I ever will have kids ;-) Has it helped my career significantly? I don't think so. I know lots of people who are more successful than me in objective terms that do have kids. Not having kids means that you get to be selfish. That's pretty much it. If you want to devote yourself completely to your job, you can. I did that for some time. It was fun for som…

As someone who will probably be in your shoes in some years let me congratulate you on your comment. It is honest, real, matches perfectly with my experience and it strikes a good balance between the pros and cons of having children. Many many people with or without kids have their identity too entangled to that condition and fail to recognize the delights and sorrows of the other condition.

Re: Ask HN: Do kids drag your career down?

#109

Post by biologicalissue »

loxists_locusts wrote: post #93
friendlybus wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So passes the glory of this world. But which glory? There are plenty of families and people who prefer to live to work than be stuck in an endless work>home cycle that bores more than the Truman show in a loveless marriage with kids they dont like as resentment builds for past indiscretions and it ends badly. There will always be the cogs that dont fit, as much as it may seem that the childless life is an affront to…

Yes marriage is loveless, children are a drag, nothing really matters. I hope they had your favourite flavour of Kool-Aid, at the very least. I don't respect their sacrifice. I pity their foolishness. I loathe their selfishness. I'm frustrated by their ignorance. If they want my respect, they can raise a big and beautiful family of wonderful people for my children to share our nation with. No career or activism can c…

So, if someone cannot have children due to a biological reason, their life is worthless and should be euthanized?

I cannot believe the narrow mindedness and horrible attitude you have about people who choose to have a different outlook on life and their goals to you.

Each to their own. Some people choose to have children. Some choose not to. Some have no choice. I would hate to meet someone like yourself and have you judge me the way you wrote.

Re: Ask HN: Do kids drag your career down?

#110

Post by giantg2 »

_f9cu wrote: post #44

kids are important not money / career. If you need more money to support family then live a simple life where you wouldn't do unwanted expenses. Food cloth shelter, other than these everything else is unwanted for your life and your family.

Thank you. I try to live pretty simply, but housing is not cheap in our area. We haven't taken a vacation since our honeymoon and have no plans to. Most of my hobbies are low time and net positive for food or money. For example, vegetable gardening, beekeeping, and growing shiitake.
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