Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Tell HN: Call Mom

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

91–100 of 243 posts

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#91

Post by oefrha »

dorkwood wrote: post #70

I'm envious of people who have a kind of "best friend" relationship with their parents. My father, for example, I have almost nothing in common with. He's the political opposite of me, doesn't have any hobbies or share any of the same interests, and doesn't have the same sense of humour, so our conversation always falls flat. I bought him a laptop and introduced him to the internet because I thought he might find som…

I don’t have a best friend relationship with either of my parents so there’s not much to talk about that would genuinely interest both parties (in the topics alone). But I know my parents (especially my mom) are among the few people in the world who genuinely care about me no matter what, so we listen, and we share otherwise boring things like problems at work. It’s partially driven by a sense of obligation, but I think the human connection is worthwhile.

P.S. Talking about politics is a recipe for disaster. There’s always something to disagree on, and in an unrestrained environment like between me and my parents it could easily escalate. I hardly ever came out of such a conversation unscathed.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#92

Post by wuunderbar »

exolymph wrote: post #60
johnydepp wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I dont wanna be rude. But if you cant find words to talk for 2 minutes every 2 days, you are very disconnected.

wtf is the point of a two-minute call? text me

Maybe the other person enjoys being on the phone and hearing your voice.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#93

Post by meddlepal »

popotamonga wrote: post #4

Is it a cultural thing Americans are so detached? Its usual here to call your family 2 to 4 times a week

It varies... My family is extremely detached and impersonal but we do really love each other. I occasionally speak to my parents or siblings. Gifts between family are usually small amounts of money. We are not big on parties, gifts, or celebrations. We will eat dinner with each other occasionally but we try to avoid talking too much about our lives. Yet I know if one of us needed something we are there for each other. That's never been a concern.

Even amongst my other American friends they think we're pretty far towards the extreme end of detached. I suspect most people have much more personal relationships with their family than mine but just providing an anecdotal data point.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#94

Post by maximente »

chrisseaton wrote: post #25
popotamonga wrote: post #4

Is it a cultural thing Americans are so detached? Its usual here to call your family 2 to 4 times a week

> Its usual here to call your family 2 to 4 times a week Yes like many things it varies culturally. Calling family 2-4 times a week seems extraordinarily excessive to me. What possibly changes that often that you have anything to tell them about on a call that frequent? I don't think I call my wife that often when I'm working away. And I'm British so it's not just Americans.

eh it's not so much content than it is intention: showing you are still prioritizing the other, that you're thinking about the other, etc. sort of how like some people like giving and receiving lots of small gifts i guess.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#95

Post by dvtrn »

jshevek wrote: post #72
101011 wrote: post #54

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Calling someone a "gaslighting c *" didn't seem angry to you?

Not necessarily. Gaslighting can simply be descriptive, and different subcultures associate different emotions and intensity with c*, particularly outside of the US. (But also inside the US.). For example, it can convey dismissiveness, not anger.

Akin to how “bless your heart” can (operative word: can) take on two VERY different meanings depending on what part of the US it’s being uttered in.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#97

Post by EL_Loco »

dorkwood wrote: post #70

I'm envious of people who have a kind of "best friend" relationship with their parents. My father, for example, I have almost nothing in common with. He's the political opposite of me, doesn't have any hobbies or share any of the same interests, and doesn't have the same sense of humour, so our conversation always falls flat. I bought him a laptop and introduced him to the internet because I thought he might find som…

I don't know if you have a duty or not, that's really not for me to say. What I will say is: don't think you should care for your father just because you get along well. Think about you growing up instead. Did he take care of you? Brought food to the table? Was a reasonably good father? Being your friend was not viewed as a father's role in many of past generation's fathers, and in many cultures in general. If I had nothing to talk about with my father, I'd still call him sometimes and thank him for having been a good one. After all, he could have just shunned all of it and said "Do I still have a duty to take care of my children, despite me not really wanting this burden?" Of, course, I'm saying this to people who had a distant dad, but one who was at least there, and was at least decent and stuck through it. Your upbringing may have been different.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#98

Post by toomuchtodo »

TrinaryWorksToo wrote: post #77
thewebcount wrote: post #6

If your mother is a kind person whom you love, then by all means reach out and tell her. To others like me who may have a gaslighting c* * * of a mother, don't be bullied by societal norms into feeling like a bad person just because you don't want to connect with an abuser. It's perfectly fine to not call your mother on mother's day if you don't have the kind of relationship that will benefit from it.

Perhaps "call the person who has been the best mother to you"

I like this comment very much. I don’t have such a person, but if you do, call that person. Embrace those whom treat you with respect, care, and compassion.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#99

Post by maximente »

exolymph wrote: post #60
johnydepp wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I dont wanna be rude. But if you cant find words to talk for 2 minutes every 2 days, you are very disconnected.

wtf is the point of a two-minute call? text me

texting isn't ideal because you might get a response in an hour, or two days, or the next minute.

there's a lot of value in being fully present for a social interaction: when you're on the phone and paying attention, it's typically a lot more engaging than the other person watching a video, texting 4 other people at the same time, or whatever else people do in between texts.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#100

Post by wonnage »

thewebcount wrote: post #6

If your mother is a kind person whom you love, then by all means reach out and tell her. To others like me who may have a gaslighting c* * * of a mother, don't be bullied by societal norms into feeling like a bad person just because you don't want to connect with an abuser. It's perfectly fine to not call your mother on mother's day if you don't have the kind of relationship that will benefit from it.

of course the number one reply on HN is this, you guys are a caricature of yourselves
Post reply on HN