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Tell HN: Call Mom

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Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#51

Post by popotamonga »

oefrha wrote: post #37
chrisseaton wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Its usual here to call your family 2 to 4 times a week Yes like many things it varies culturally. Calling family 2-4 times a week seems extraordinarily excessive to me. What possibly changes that often that you have anything to tell them about on a call that frequent? I don't think I call my wife that often when I'm working away. And I'm British so it's not just Americans.

How’s it going? Everything good? Health’s good? Sleeping well? Wearing masks when going out (recent addition)? Done in three to five minutes if there’s nothing else to complain about. I don’t call 4 times a week, but twice aren’t awkward, and once is a given.

Yes, short talks (well now that there are 2 toddlers, video calls can take half an hour while they talk to them)

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#52

Post by [deleted] »

vga805 wrote: post #47
voisin wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

FWIW, I think your life would be vastly improved if you can turn the anger evident in your post into sadness for whatever caused her to act like that in the first place. It’s worked for me. Pity feels like a healthier emotion to experience than anger or bitterness.

Or maybe they've learned to channel that anger in some positive way. Not everything that works for oneself will "vastly improve" the lives of others.

[deleted]

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#53

Post by msaharia »

DoofusOfDeath wrote: post #18
popotamonga wrote: post #4

Is it a cultural thing Americans are so detached? Its usual here to call your family 2 to 4 times a week

Your question is whether this correlates with nationality. Sincere question: why did you focus on that attribute instead of some other? Is calling your mother several times per week typical on your country?

I talk to my (Indian) parents every day, even if it is a 1-min courtesy call. Started when I went off to college in a different city. And it's also a rather common thing among everyone I know regardless of social status. So, I guess what is typical is dependent on country or culture.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#54

Post by 101011 »

Igelau wrote: post #46
voisin wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

FWIW, I think your life would be vastly improved if you can turn the anger evident in your post into sadness for whatever caused her to act like that in the first place. It’s worked for me. Pity feels like a healthier emotion to experience than anger or bitterness.

Didn't seem angry or bitter. Just honest.

Calling someone a "gaslighting c*" didn't seem angry to you?

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#55

Post by waterbadger »

voisin wrote: post #42
thewebcount wrote: post #6

If your mother is a kind person whom you love, then by all means reach out and tell her. To others like me who may have a gaslighting c* * * of a mother, don't be bullied by societal norms into feeling like a bad person just because you don't want to connect with an abuser. It's perfectly fine to not call your mother on mother's day if you don't have the kind of relationship that will benefit from it.

FWIW, I think your life would be vastly improved if you can turn the anger evident in your post into sadness for whatever caused her to act like that in the first place. It’s worked for me. Pity feels like a healthier emotion to experience than anger or bitterness.

I’m sure you are trying to be helpful so I’m not trying to criticize you personally or devalue what you are sharing! More of a general gripe for me:

Anger and sadness are both very helpful, understandable and ok emotions. There is nothing wrong or dysfunctional about either of those feelings.

I think the cultural norm that certain emotions are “bad” and that we can “change” our emotions is extremely destructive for many people.

We can control (and our responsible for) our thoughts and actions.

I don’t think people can actually control their emotions however and making people feel ashamed or unhealthy because of their emotional reactions is unfair. This is actually one of the symptoms of abusive parent-child relationships that I think many people have unavoidably internalized.

A lot of people have experienced serious emotional trauma due to cultural norms and an unhealthy value system about how parents treat their children (as well as by being parented by traumatized people who have grown up in similar circumstances)

There are a lot of good books about it if you search for Complex PTSD. One that I think covers a lot of information holistically is “Healing Developmental Trauma” by Laurence Heller and Aline LaPierre

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#57

Post by williamdclt »

popotamonga wrote: post #4

Is it a cultural thing Americans are so detached? Its usual here to call your family 2 to 4 times a week

What is "here"? Even for a given culture it varies wildly: my uncle has a call with each of his 5 kids every other day, while I talk to any of my dad, my mom, my grandparents every other month.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#58

Post by johnydepp »

chrisseaton wrote: post #25
popotamonga wrote: post #4

Is it a cultural thing Americans are so detached? Its usual here to call your family 2 to 4 times a week

> Its usual here to call your family 2 to 4 times a week Yes like many things it varies culturally. Calling family 2-4 times a week seems extraordinarily excessive to me. What possibly changes that often that you have anything to tell them about on a call that frequent? I don't think I call my wife that often when I'm working away. And I'm British so it's not just Americans.

I dont wanna be rude. But if you cant find words to talk for 2 minutes every 2 days, you are very disconnected.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#60

Post by exolymph »

johnydepp wrote: post #58
chrisseaton wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Its usual here to call your family 2 to 4 times a week Yes like many things it varies culturally. Calling family 2-4 times a week seems extraordinarily excessive to me. What possibly changes that often that you have anything to tell them about on a call that frequent? I don't think I call my wife that often when I'm working away. And I'm British so it's not just Americans.

I dont wanna be rude. But if you cant find words to talk for 2 minutes every 2 days, you are very disconnected.

wtf is the point of a two-minute call? text me
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