My startup experience isn't quite the same as this, but it shares some aspects, and I've had some similar feelings in my lowest moments in the aftermath.
It's now almost six years since I walked away from my startup, and I left feeling some combination of exhaustion, shame, resentment, anger and sadness.
As time passed, and the fog has gradually lifted on the state I sometimes think of as "startup drunkenness", I've often cringed as I've thought back and wondered "ugh, what was I thinking?"
My main focus since then has been self-healing, personal development work.
Out of necessity, when conventional approaches like talk therapy didn't offer much relief or insight, I've ended up seeking and adopting some unconventional approaches to personal growth.
It's turned out to have been the most worthwhile thing I've done in my life.
I've been able to go deep in uncovering and resolving the issues in myself, that date back to well before my startup life, but that very much affected how things played out in my startup and in other aspects of my life.
Just as the writer of this piece has come to question the entire technology industry, my own journey has enabled me to see that whilst many of my problems originated within myself and my past experiences, many were just as much a case of being in a dysfunctional environment, and indeed a dysfunctional world.
But it's taken a lot of work to know how to tell the difference, and what to do about it.
My life now is pretty good, and has been on a steady improvement path for at least 5 years. All the key indicators in my life – relationship/family/friendships, health and career – are going well and getting better, though it's an ongoing effort to keep things improving, and of course external factors like the current crisis throw up complications none of us can avoid.
When I've written here about this topic in the past, people often reply asking for details about on the kinds of healing and development techniques I've used.
What I've said then and I'll say again here is that people are welcome to contact me and I'll be happy to share info with them directly.
But I also wonder if it's time to get more serious with a discussion about how we can build healthier companies.
As I've become healthier and more confident, I once again have the hunger to build companies, and am full of ideas on how to build them in such a way that they are great places to work and positive in their external impact.
But I'm just one person, with one perspective.
I'd love to hear from others who want to be part of an ongoing discussion about how we can build the kinds of companies and organisations we all wish existed.
Anyone is welcome to contact me about any of the above; email address is in my profile.