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For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

theguardian.com

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Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#161

Post by londons_explore »

skrtskrt wrote: post #129
watwut wrote: post #120

Earlier quoted context omitted.

They are nit taken that seriously absent visible injuries. And statistically cops are more likely to be domestic abusers then general population.

Yep, 40% vs 25%: https://kutv.com/news/local/40-of-police-officer-families-ex... https://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/Police-domestic-viole...

Police officer training to be "dominant" and "be in control of all aspects of the situation" can easily intimidate family members too...

Source: Friend of mine is a cop. Since he went through the ~2 year training program, he's become unpleasant to anyone he's in a private space with. Let him have his way, or he'll be very aggressive till he gets it.

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#162

Post by dang »

zzzcpan wrote: post #158
dang wrote: post #148

Earlier quoted context omitted.

" Please respond to the strongest plausible interpretation of what someone says, not a weaker one that's easier to criticize. Assume good faith. " https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

You don't seem to realize this, but this is very subjective and not something that can actually be followed and meet whatever judgement you had in mind when picking on that comment. You've done it to me too a couple of times and I decided to just ignore it since I cannot possibly satisfy your subjective judgement, but you are penalizing comments now.

I'm happy to agree in principle that there's a lot of interpretation involved.

In this case, I'm not sure it's so subjective. The comment broke the site guideline against name-calling ("This is the most HN comment I've seen in a week"), and chose an interpretation ("personal responsibility shaming") that clearly wasn't the strongest plausible.

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#163

Post by joveian »

OrangeMango wrote: post #50
empath75 wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My wife works with domestic violence victims. It's extraordinarily difficult to get victims of domestic violence to leave their abusers even in the best of times. There's also not a lot of shelters available for women to stay in for long periods of time.

You are absolutely right. It's a very difficult problem to solve, and the current situation makes it far more challenging. But knowing that you are not legally required to stay has to be an improvement.

It is good to have that exception. Here in Portland, Oregon they are saying that the main issue is that finding long term housing, normally in short supply here, is now almost impossible.

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#164

Post by cies »

0x8BADF00D wrote: post #152
cies wrote: post #93

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Someone who cannot leave a relationship in which abuse did not just take place once, but repeated (hence "abusive"); when what should society do that it should not already be doing to everyone? * ensure you have food and shelter * ensure reasonably safe * ensure that children are admitted to some school * ensure you dont sink into deep poverty When a society cannot help on these points, what use is requesting these f…

Free stuff for everyone enables a level of governmental abuse that makes domestic violence seem tame in comparison. The sad state of affairs is many abused people are gaslighted and brainwashed so they stay with the abuser. These forms of coercive mental conditioning can last a lifetime. It happened to a close friend of mine’s sister. She ended up joining a bizarre religious cult where the leader would find young peo…

> Free stuff for everyone enables a level of governmental abuse that makes domestic violence seem tame in comparison. The sad

Please enlighten me. Given for instance the enormeous amount, 6.4 trillion, is spend by the US on wars the last 20 year. That's about 888 million per day, everyday over the last 20 year. And who benefitted? You tell me.

Now lets divide that by the number of americans, it comes down to 80,000 dollars per month per american. That could have been awarded as a social program to increase the happiness of peolpe, or that needs to be paid by those same people in either taxes or inflation (or printing money, aka quantative easing, as bankers refer to it).

Now you compare that --in my view rather utopian view-- to domestica violence, and conclude that DV is worse! Dude, you may have some hatred to anything socialist, but this is next level.

I know a good one. I take the 80k/month, you the abuse. Pfff...

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#165

Post by ip26 »

john_moscow wrote: post #83
Zenst wrote: post #7

I'm Stuck in a flat above heroin/crack abusers, they have dealers in all the time, abuse the victim card and keep getting away with it. Police, council.... all just victimhood them and dispite over years and years of having hard evidence, they just ignore it. Equally the partner of the women had a business, working and she got him hooked on the stuff, she's abusive, killing him and nobody over the years seems to care…

>So nobody dares do anything as they have lost faith in the police and all support. >I have aspergers and have serious PTSD due to years of this abuse and need help getting the truth out there. Here's one uncomfortable fact about our society that most people sort of feel, but don't usually express in words. Despite what people say, nobody gives a damn about others' problems. People will tell you all kinds of kind and…

nobody gives a damn about others' problems

The world is full of other people's problems, 7.8 billion lifetimes of them.

It's not just narcissism if people are unable to confront it all at once.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compassion_fatigue

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#166

Post by Zenst »

retrac wrote: post #64
mnky9800n wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Dude just move.

The parent commenter doesn't say it, but it seems strongly implied that they live in public housing. In most jurisdictions, residents don't have the option of moving to another unit without approval. In principle no one is stopping them from moving into market-rate private housing, but unless they happen to have the income to cover the differential in housing costs, it's not actually an option.

That is so, was working, company sent me other side of the world, messed up expenses and cruz was they failed to pay me and my rent and everything bounced whilst I was stuck in another TZ, boss epicly shafted me and in short, had breakdown and lost everything.

Options to move are swap which entails swapping with somebody else who wants to move and the whole process fraught with hassel and could end up swapping with somebody doing same thing.

Local council have an unofficial policey of allocating some flats to certaint types and with that, almost case of each social housing block has a designated junkie. It's a liberal council and has been for decades and well, yeah.

Housing association utterly terrible and if you look up Metropolitian Housing Association you will see that this is a common issue with many residents of their and all they care about is...well, if you look at their twitter feed you will see what they are like, google review has them at 1* and many instances of comparable people in same situations.

Council, utter joke and don't get me started on how bad they are in this situation.

Support useless and anybody who has been good has been powerless to help and those who can help been beyond useless, again it is a joke.

I have some serious health issues as well and the crux is, I'm unable to progress anything forward and those who were supposed to help, been beyond useless and again, trust me, it's bad.

I wished I could articulate everything in detail so people would grasp how bad it is and all that I have tried, but it would be a inch long book and take me so long to write it, well, I'm not going to live that long anyhow. AS said, trying to deal with this kicks of PTSD from all past experiences and in short, I need help and never gotten the support I needed, plenty of lip service and the like and false promises and yet, here I still am and nothing changed.

Work wise, I burned out so many times over the decades, in many situations had my good nature abused and things like burning 80+ hours a week for no overtime only to be shafted and the like very common.

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#167

Post by Zenst »

saiya-jin wrote: post #74
Zenst wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I can't, tried believe me, sorry would expand upon the manitia but it just gets too much and now a shaking wreck and have to lay down as I have hypertension and sorry. I'll try and be back soon to reply and expand but it's just so painful and it's killing me. I'm sorry.

So let's sum it up - its killing you, but you don't want to/can't leave because its killing others too. At the end, you will help nobody, the least yourself, and everybody will just suffer. Try pure logic on this problem, which doesn't seem like your current approach. Pure logic with result being improvement of your wellbeing, so you can help others. If you simply can't get those people out, then stop dreaming about…

I've tried, please read other reply for details. I've focused on positive things but hard to escape reality when you have noisy neibours who live a vampire lifestyle and a flat with the acoustics that I can hear a lightswitch downstairs turned on or off, let alone a raving crackhead.

I set up a audio surveillance system with contact mics I built, though took year to afford the parts and then not ideal, but budget so tight I have to buy reduced food items to scrape by. Yet even with that, and case of playing blatant issues to housing and police - they do nothing, hence only way I will get the gravatas this needed is to go public and for that I need help as I'm unable to do this without breaking down and reliving all the bad moments - bad side effect of a good memory and if anything, makes it worse.

But focusing only works so far - don't change anything and with everything else health wise, I don't have many good days and when I do, only able to do short bursts before fatigue kicks in or nerve damage pain, let alone the PTSD which can be triggered so easily that i'm totally unable to move forward and all attempts to do that have sadly been detrimental that they have only compounded the issue further.

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#168

Post by Zenst »

jacobush wrote: post #32
Zenst wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Tried, even have psychiatric report stating as much and yet those who are supposed to help have failed me. Tried everything and nothing. But it's not just me, I have some good neibours who are less able to defend themselves and even if I moved, somebod else would suffer, let alone my good neibours and if I move, they would get worse downstairs. Only way is to see justice done and then move, though believe me I've tri…

No, just get out if you can. Put every bit of energy you have left to that goal.

Tried failed, tried failed.....it's case of I try, I get failed and withdraw to recover, rinse repeat that life is just not worth it, along with health etc the only thing keeping me going is to see justice once and for all.

Heck I even wrote to my government offering to be a human lab rat in the aid of finding solution to coronavirus, least that would be a honourable death, that desperate.

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#169

Post by Zenst »

wolco wrote: post #111
Zenst wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You know what, I cna garantee if I did that, I would be the one arrested and in jail and they would get away with it, making out it was me. For example, had issue few years back for noise, they came out attacked me, then called police and made out I attacked them. They have also made many false reports to the polcie and they quickly come out to them. Yet if I report them, even case of when they had guns and kelos in…

Why are you reporting things under your name? You don't want to get involved. Calling the cops and telling them they have guns and kilos won't help because how would you know (in their minds) and why would they believe someone about ownership (they start looking at you). Any offers to setup your own operation makes it seem like you have something against the couple. Now you are the suspect. Never threaten to kill you…

Please see other comments, but I have an inability to lie, I can do white-lies but that's it, just against my morals.

I threatened as it was true and I'm that desperate and I know that if I do that at least there would be some form of inquiry and sadly, that seems to be my best hope having tried all the right things.

I have many solutions that are wrong things and illegal that I could do to solve this, but again, against my morals. I'm happy to grey the law, but not break the law.

I've tried social engineering with some success and brief respites but again, limits. I've no issue hacking any dealers phones and the like and have done in the past and passed on intel, but alas downstairs are still there.

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#170

Post by Zenst »

narag wrote: post #53
Zenst wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You know what, I cna garantee if I did that, I would be the one arrested and in jail and they would get away with it, making out it was me. For example, had issue few years back for noise, they came out attacked me, then called police and made out I attacked them. They have also made many false reports to the polcie and they quickly come out to them. Yet if I report them, even case of when they had guns and kelos in…

The dealers might be police confidents.

Yes, they kinda are, they use the police to take out competition and with that, I'm so screwed that it is beyond a joke.
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