Earlier quoted context omitted.
I can't, tried believe me, sorry would expand upon the manitia but it just gets too much and now a shaking wreck and have to lay down as I have hypertension and sorry. I'll try and be back soon to reply and expand but it's just so painful and it's killing me. I'm sorry.
So let's sum it up - its killing you, but you don't want to/can't leave because its killing others too. At the end, you will help nobody, the least yourself, and everybody will just suffer. Try pure logic on this problem, which doesn't seem like your current approach. Pure logic with result being improvement of your wellbeing, so you can help others. If you simply can't get those people out, then stop dreaming about…
For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity
81–90 of 193 posts
Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity
#82In addition, sadly there are nearly 0 shelters for men. https://nypost.com/2017/10/29/these-shelters-help-male-victi...
If you think that’s important then open one.
I was distantly involved in opening one of Toronto's first shelters for abused men and sole fathers with dependents, and it's been difficult to secure public funding comparable to what is given to women's abuse shelters on a per capita basis. The government largely seems to have the attitude that the general men's shelters are adequate, even for non-gender-conforming men and men who are abuse victims, and that children of men who are in shelters should simply be taken into foster care, rather than trying to keep the family together like they try with women's shelters.
I say this with the hope that it doesn't devolve into a flamewar about gender relations and roles, but for whatever reasons, our society seems to be less sympathetic to a man fleeing an abusive partner or violence than it is to a woman in the same circumstance.
Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity
#83I'm Stuck in a flat above heroin/crack abusers, they have dealers in all the time, abuse the victim card and keep getting away with it. Police, council.... all just victimhood them and dispite over years and years of having hard evidence, they just ignore it. Equally the partner of the women had a business, working and she got him hooked on the stuff, she's abusive, killing him and nobody over the years seems to care…
Here's one uncomfortable fact about our society that most people sort of feel, but don't usually express in words. Despite what people say, nobody gives a damn about others' problems. People will tell you all kinds of kind and supportive words, because it makes them feel good about themselves being so kind. Nobody will go an extra mile and risk being attacked/sued/defamed, unless the problem starts seriously affecting them. Please do yourself a favor and put together what other people said and what they have done so far, and you will find this as the most plausible model.
If you truly have Aspergers, think of this purely logically. How much time/effort have you put into getting the truth out there? What if you put the same effort towards simply moving elsewhere? Make sure you understand what neighborhoods/apartment types will have lower probability of the same problem. Also think of renting a detached house in the middle of nowhere and working remotely. It could cost comparably to a downtown condo, but you will get priceless peace and quiet.
It is sad, but there is no "getting truth out there" option. There is an option of fighting the windmills, hearing kind words from everyone, while still stuck in a lifestyle you hate. Or there's an option of being selfish, setting a goal that will help you and just you, and allocating every resource you have towards achieving this goal.
Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity
#84Where I am, the second paragraph of the executive order establishing the "lockdown" explicitly states that victims of domestic violence are exempt and are urged to leave for a safer location. It makes clear further in the order that services provided are considered essential and should remain open and that transportation is also essential and should remain available. The news media simply does a terrible job of commu…
If you only read the headlines or listen to tweets that butcher what exactly is being talked about. The stories generally go into further detail and provide links to further information if you want to dig into the details.
People keep talking about how bad the "news media" is doing, and yet, if you actually read the stories instead of just reading the headlines and pull quotes, they are doing a fairly good job.
If you do a simple search, you will see that far from doing bad job, this is getting a lot of attention by "news media" around the world.
People whine about the "media" and yet, I can't help but think that they are only looking at headlines and that's it. Here you have an article from the "news media" and it's not even their first article on this specific topic!
Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity
#85A major problem with abused people is that they assume that their current life is more predictable (comforting) than the other options (being jobless, poor and alone and having a low self-estimate), so they relativize and hide the situation because they fear more the uncertainty. Maybe they will solve the problem temporarily trying to avoid him/her for some hours.
The lockdown can be a real eye-opener in this sense (and safety is at a fake cough of distance).
Moreover, to hide the problem from their neighbors would be almost impossible. Everybody will be at home 24h/7days a week for months, including men and women that would be otherwise working in the city all day, unaware of the situation for years.
A wife alone at home all day could choose avoid getting in trouble herself and shut their mouth about what happens in the next door just by fear. Men will be much less tolerant with this situation, specially when in front of their wifes and children. Will be pushed to do something about it to restore their role as, well... men.
And of course, being cynical, there is a small possibility that the coronavirus just fix the bug for once and for good, or will send the abuser alone to an hospital with pneumonia. A place where will be unable to hide their body marks to medical staff, will find psychological support and enter in a program for people abused and will have some extra time to rethink about their toxic relationship and heal in every aspect
Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity
#86In addition, sadly there are nearly 0 shelters for men. https://nypost.com/2017/10/29/these-shelters-help-male-victi...
I've noticed people only ever bring this up to derail conversations around women's shelters. Do you spread information on this topic and try to raise awareness in a proactive way, or do you only bring this up in reaction to comments about women's shelters?
You are arguing in bad faith. You do not even need to argue.
Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity
#87We might also take some delicate thoughts that the absence of a lockdown does not imply the absence of captivity. An abuser can leave for a workday, or weeks at a time, and still have a captive. But I very much understand the spirit here and now I am feeling sad thinking about all those people out there that are possibly suffering even more right now. I can hope that some of them find the strength to walk away after…
That's because it's way easier to think about fixing the world in a theoretical way than it is to start making small realistic changes that gradually turn into something bigger. As someone fighting domestic abuse outside of the system, this work can get very messy but over time you develop your understanding of what works and what doesn't work. It is possible to make real progress and actually stop abusers.
Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity
#88I'm Stuck in a flat above heroin/crack abusers, they have dealers in all the time, abuse the victim card and keep getting away with it. Police, council.... all just victimhood them and dispite over years and years of having hard evidence, they just ignore it. Equally the partner of the women had a business, working and she got him hooked on the stuff, she's abusive, killing him and nobody over the years seems to care…
Our current society worships victims, but unfortunately your kind of victim is not numerous enough to get mainstream attention.
Asperger dude who could become extremely productive and wealthy once he assigns the right priorities to sleep, noise reduction, and seeing through other people's bullshit, doesn't fit this pattern at all.
Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity
#89In addition, sadly there are nearly 0 shelters for men. https://nypost.com/2017/10/29/these-shelters-help-male-victi...
I've noticed people only ever bring this up to derail conversations around women's shelters. Do you spread information on this topic and try to raise awareness in a proactive way, or do you only bring this up in reaction to comments about women's shelters?
Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity
#90Estimates are that, if governments do nothing to combat Covid 19, then the life expectancy of the whole population will be reduced by a mere 20 days.[1] Sacrificing 4 months of exercise, meaningful conversation, sex and other basic human needs is really not worth it. [1] For example 13.26 million QALYs divided by the US population https://www.nationalreview.com/corner/another-covid-cost-ben...
Thanks for self-identifying. I'll be sure to exclude you from anything I can think of, since you're willing to sacrifice random strangers for your own comfort.