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For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

theguardian.com

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Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#71

Post by mrlala »

viklove wrote: post #57
babygoat wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I feel sorry for anyone on lockdown with you.

Well I'm not saying this is the right place for his frustration, but it is a bit annoying that the narrative around domestic abuse is that it's something men to do women, while in reality the statistics show us that both men and women are guilty of domestic violence at about the same rate. There are thousands of shelters for women in the US, while for men there are less than 5 scattered across the country. Men and wo…

>while in reality the statistics show us that both men and women are guilty of domestic violence at about the same rate

I find that _extremely_ suspect.

> In the U.S., about 31 percent of men and 37 percent of women have experienced sexual violence, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

I am not disagreeing with that statistic, but it's a single number that can mean almost anything. For example, 80% of that 31% of men number could be men filling out a checklist and being like "well, technically that applied once" whereas 80% of women on that list could be frantically hitting every checkbox and it's happened multiple times.

That's just way to broad a statistic and you should be suspect looking at those numbers.

> Hines said some men don’t even realize they’re being abused until they read pamphlets

That's kind of what I meant above... if a man needs to read a pamphlet to realize he's being abused whereas a woman is literally living in fear all day long... are you saying that's the same thing? Of course some men experience the extreme end of it.. but to pretend like the abuse goes equally both ways seems like grasping for equality straws.

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#72

Post by zabana »

mymythisisthis wrote: post #60

If you suspect one of your neighbors is being abused, call the police and report it. Don't wait, don't hesitate. Some people call the police because McDonald's screwed up their order. Call the police.

McDonald's and KFC: https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/police-urge-...

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#73

Post by faizshah »

weggooi wrote: post #41

Estimates are that, if governments do nothing to combat Covid 19, then the life expectancy of the whole population will be reduced by a mere 20 days.[1] Sacrificing 4 months of exercise, meaningful conversation, sex and other basic human needs is really not worth it. [1] For example 13.26 million QALYs divided by the US population https://www.nationalreview.com/corner/another-covid-cost-ben...

The euphemism of “Life expectancy of the whole population” is disguising that you’re saying 200k-1.7 million deaths is worth you not having to stay home for 4 months. This isn’t even factoring in the millions who will suffer severe cases needing hospitalization and suffering permanent lung damage but won’t die.

Secondly, the article you linked has several arguments against your own conclusion. For example, that many will suffer permanent lung damage, a significant multiple of the number of people who will die will be seriously ill and need hospitalization, and that this cost-benefit analysis overvalues the lives of the young over the old.

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#74

Post by saiya-jin »

Zenst wrote: post #31
mnky9800n wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Dude just move.

I can't, tried believe me, sorry would expand upon the manitia but it just gets too much and now a shaking wreck and have to lay down as I have hypertension and sorry. I'll try and be back soon to reply and expand but it's just so painful and it's killing me. I'm sorry.

So let's sum it up - its killing you, but you don't want to/can't leave because its killing others too. At the end, you will help nobody, the least yourself, and everybody will just suffer.

Try pure logic on this problem, which doesn't seem like your current approach. Pure logic with result being improvement of your wellbeing, so you can help others. If you simply can't get those people out, then stop dreaming about getting them out, fruitlessly; solution is in some other action.

If your country is in proper lockdown/quarantine, suck it up and focus on something positive till things ease a bit. I know, easy to say, but working solutions aren't magically easy.

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#75

Post by sdffdsfdsfsddsf »

mjmasn wrote: post #33
sdffdsfdsfsddsf wrote: post #25

Afaik the UK is protestant because hundreds of years ago, some king wanted to divorce his wife and catholic faith wouldn't have allowed him to. Just saying: the option for divorce has existed for a long time now. How can a woman describe to a journalist how abusive her partner is, and not split up or get a divorce? In most countries there is also some kind of social security, so women are not financially dependent on…

I agree that personal responsibility is important but I don't think we can assume that someone who has been physically or emotionally abused is necessarily going to be making rational decisions. Even if they are, they may fear repercussions from the abuser, or the 'shame' of divorce etc. from family members who don't realise the full extent of the situation. Those reasons are somewhat difficult to address IMO.

So what conclusions should we draw from such an article? What is the point?

I personally don't feel qualified to intervene in such a relationship where god knows what psychological issues are preventing abuse victims from leaving.

If they have some actionable conclusions (even if it is just "we need more social workers" or whatever), I can behind that. But I suspect it is just a note in the general theme of hating on men, which the Guardian has very eagerly participated in for a while. So the takeaway from reading the article is just "men are bad and women are victims".

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#77

Post by sdffdsfdsfsddsf »

catchmilk wrote: post #38
sdffdsfdsfsddsf wrote: post #25

Afaik the UK is protestant because hundreds of years ago, some king wanted to divorce his wife and catholic faith wouldn't have allowed him to. Just saying: the option for divorce has existed for a long time now. How can a woman describe to a journalist how abusive her partner is, and not split up or get a divorce? In most countries there is also some kind of social security, so women are not financially dependent on…

Stockholm syndrome is a very real thing, unfortunately. I'm a 6+ foot man that's been emotionally abused, and despite all the pressure from my close circle to break it off, I wasn't able to do it for a long time. If 'just leaving' was so easy, we'd have a lot less domestic abuse out there. This is not about throwing shade, this is about giving victims the support they need.

So what should be done? What should the average reader of such an article do?

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#78

Post by JoeAltmaier »

bagacrap wrote: post #65
JoeAltmaier wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And that load is taken almost entirely by the elderly (50+) population. Who don't matter? Are not worth it? They vote it turns out, so no we're not going to see a politician sacrificing them any time soon.

actually the median age of death is 80, for some more accurate perspective. Generally speaking I would consider myself lucky to live to that age and greedy if I thought that others should make major sacrifices so I could live slightly beyond it.

Actually the unacceptable rise in mortality begins around 55. Who cares the median age, for something that's so severe? That's a spurious argument.

"The median age of those executed by firing squad was 80, so why are you whining?"

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#79

Post by nabnob »

maerF0x0 wrote: post #37

In addition, sadly there are nearly 0 shelters for men. https://nypost.com/2017/10/29/these-shelters-help-male-victi...

I've noticed people only ever bring this up to derail conversations around women's shelters. Do you spread information on this topic and try to raise awareness in a proactive way, or do you only bring this up in reaction to comments about women's shelters?

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#80

Post by macintux »

xwdv wrote: post #58
lmkg wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Which do you think matters more to a person in an abusive situation? A. Paragraph two of some legal document somewhere B. "If you leave the house, I'll call the cops and tell them you're breaking quarantine, and then you'll go to jail and I'll be the only person who can get you out." I don't disagree with your last paragraph: There are other related issues and maybe some of them are worse. But how this actually plays…

If an abuser says B and the abused knows about A why wouldn’t they just throw that in their face and then leave? If you know your rights you’ll have the confidence to act.

Victims of abuse have typically been trapped financially, emotionally, and physically long before the lockdown occurred. Abusers have many ways of keeping their victims from “asserting their rights”.
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