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For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

theguardian.com

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Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#51

Post by catalogia »

lmkg wrote: post #27
OrangeMango wrote: post #15

Where I am, the second paragraph of the executive order establishing the "lockdown" explicitly states that victims of domestic violence are exempt and are urged to leave for a safer location. It makes clear further in the order that services provided are considered essential and should remain open and that transportation is also essential and should remain available. The news media simply does a terrible job of commu…

Which do you think matters more to a person in an abusive situation? A. Paragraph two of some legal document somewhere B. "If you leave the house, I'll call the cops and tell them you're breaking quarantine, and then you'll go to jail and I'll be the only person who can get you out." I don't disagree with your last paragraph: There are other related issues and maybe some of them are worse. But how this actually plays…

Given that lifting quarantines seems infeasible, what do you suppose should be done instead? Same message, just communicated better?

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#52

Post by jasondclinton »

carapace wrote: post #35
jasondclinton wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is the most HN comment I've seen in a week. You tried not to blame the victim and acknowledge poverty is the trap but then came off as doing that in the context of personal responsibility shaming. Poverty or the fear of poverty is the real decision maker here; the math is as unforgiving as orbital mechanics. And please don't reply, "But there are programs!" Governments and NGOs convince voters and donors that th…

To me it seems like you're falling into the trap of thinking that poverty somehow diminishes the agency and responsibility of the person.

Poverty does two things to us: limits our degrees of freedom (available choices) and diminishes our decision-making capacity (a famine/crisis response[1]). In extreme cases, poverty leads to sleep deprivation in which we cannot make even basic rational decisions.

[1] https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/20518805-scarcity

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#53

Post by narag »

Zenst wrote: post #29
wolco wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hmm, lets see. You could go the opposite way. Advertise for them everywhere. Put up signs for cheap stuff in other turfs. Let the free market work. Now is the problem the people below or where you live? Getting rid of thek might bring someone worse. Sounds like you have grown out of the area.

You know what, I cna garantee if I did that, I would be the one arrested and in jail and they would get away with it, making out it was me. For example, had issue few years back for noise, they came out attacked me, then called police and made out I attacked them. They have also made many false reports to the polcie and they quickly come out to them. Yet if I report them, even case of when they had guns and kelos in…

The dealers might be police confidents.

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#55

Post by duxup »

carapace wrote: post #35
jasondclinton wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is the most HN comment I've seen in a week. You tried not to blame the victim and acknowledge poverty is the trap but then came off as doing that in the context of personal responsibility shaming. Poverty or the fear of poverty is the real decision maker here; the math is as unforgiving as orbital mechanics. And please don't reply, "But there are programs!" Governments and NGOs convince voters and donors that th…

To me it seems like you're falling into the trap of thinking that poverty somehow diminishes the agency and responsibility of the person.

It certainly diminishes their options.

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#56

Post by narag »

JonAtkinson wrote: post #5
brenden2 wrote: post #2

Or if you just don't like your roommate, but can't afford to live on your own or move out.

That is a pretty flippant comparison. I’m the trustee of a regional women’s shelter; we run a small building of 8 apartments which we offer to women and children as short-medium term refuges at no cost. The people who arrive with us are experiencing trauma past breaking point (often abuse is normalised and needs to be significantly escalated until someone is willing to take flight), with symptoms of PTSD, depression,…

But domestic abuse is truly a different level of horror.

Trust me, there are very tough situations that you haven't seen or you wouldn't say that.

Fortunately domestic abuse has some legal status. But falling with a mentally deranged person in a shared condo is dangerous and more usual than you think.

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#57

Post by viklove »

babygoat wrote: post #48
tal8d wrote: post #42

Another one for the pile of "Men dying of _ at a higher rate, women most affected!"

I feel sorry for anyone on lockdown with you.

Well I'm not saying this is the right place for his frustration, but it is a bit annoying that the narrative around domestic abuse is that it's something men to do women, while in reality the statistics show us that both men and women are guilty of domestic violence at about the same rate. There are thousands of shelters for women in the US, while for men there are less than 5 scattered across the country.

Men and women should both have access to resources to protect them from abusive partners. This issue isn't as gendered as it seems to be.

https://nypost.com/2017/10/29/these-shelters-help-male-victi...

> Hines said some men don’t even realize they’re being abused until they read pamphlets — mostly geared toward women — listing abuse signs. “If you are the man, that’s a very difficult process to figure out,” she said.

> In the U.S., about 31 percent of men and 37 percent of women have experienced sexual violence, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#58

Post by xwdv »

lmkg wrote: post #27
OrangeMango wrote: post #15

Where I am, the second paragraph of the executive order establishing the "lockdown" explicitly states that victims of domestic violence are exempt and are urged to leave for a safer location. It makes clear further in the order that services provided are considered essential and should remain open and that transportation is also essential and should remain available. The news media simply does a terrible job of commu…

Which do you think matters more to a person in an abusive situation? A. Paragraph two of some legal document somewhere B. "If you leave the house, I'll call the cops and tell them you're breaking quarantine, and then you'll go to jail and I'll be the only person who can get you out." I don't disagree with your last paragraph: There are other related issues and maybe some of them are worse. But how this actually plays…

If an abuser says B and the abused knows about A why wouldn’t they just throw that in their face and then leave? If you know your rights you’ll have the confidence to act.
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