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For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

theguardian.com

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Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#31

Post by Zenst »

mnky9800n wrote: post #26
Zenst wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Tried, even have psychiatric report stating as much and yet those who are supposed to help have failed me. Tried everything and nothing. But it's not just me, I have some good neibours who are less able to defend themselves and even if I moved, somebod else would suffer, let alone my good neibours and if I move, they would get worse downstairs. Only way is to see justice done and then move, though believe me I've tri…

Dude just move.

I can't, tried believe me, sorry would expand upon the manitia but it just gets too much and now a shaking wreck and have to lay down as I have hypertension and sorry. I'll try and be back soon to reply and expand but it's just so painful and it's killing me. I'm sorry.

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#32

Post by jacobush »

Zenst wrote: post #23
topbanana wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You need to get the hell out of there. It can't be good for your mental health

Tried, even have psychiatric report stating as much and yet those who are supposed to help have failed me. Tried everything and nothing. But it's not just me, I have some good neibours who are less able to defend themselves and even if I moved, somebod else would suffer, let alone my good neibours and if I move, they would get worse downstairs. Only way is to see justice done and then move, though believe me I've tri…

No, just get out if you can. Put every bit of energy you have left to that goal.

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#33

Post by mjmasn »

sdffdsfdsfsddsf wrote: post #25

Afaik the UK is protestant because hundreds of years ago, some king wanted to divorce his wife and catholic faith wouldn't have allowed him to. Just saying: the option for divorce has existed for a long time now. How can a woman describe to a journalist how abusive her partner is, and not split up or get a divorce? In most countries there is also some kind of social security, so women are not financially dependent on…

I agree that personal responsibility is important but I don't think we can assume that someone who has been physically or emotionally abused is necessarily going to be making rational decisions. Even if they are, they may fear repercussions from the abuser, or the 'shame' of divorce etc. from family members who don't realise the full extent of the situation. Those reasons are somewhat difficult to address IMO.

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#34

Post by wolco »

amelius wrote: post #28
wolco wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hmm, lets see. You could go the opposite way. Advertise for them everywhere. Put up signs for cheap stuff in other turfs. Let the free market work. Now is the problem the people below or where you live? Getting rid of thek might bring someone worse. Sounds like you have grown out of the area.

Putting up signs is not so simple with CCTV everywhere.

Was thinking in bathrooms vs polls.. less large signs but more scratching something out with a key. In places where people use the bathroom to shootup (targeted advertising works better with a better roi)

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#35

Post by carapace »

jasondclinton wrote: post #10
duxup wrote: post #3

I feel like this is a valid concern, but really when it comes to abusive relationships ... a lockdown isn't the problem / aggravating circumstance /etc. I worked with kids who came from abusive / were in abusive families. The volume of abused partners who willingly stayed with the abuser was astonishingly high. They would even follow an abuser from one town to the next, even with services and options to not do so ava…

This is the most HN comment I've seen in a week. You tried not to blame the victim and acknowledge poverty is the trap but then came off as doing that in the context of personal responsibility shaming. Poverty or the fear of poverty is the real decision maker here; the math is as unforgiving as orbital mechanics. And please don't reply, "But there are programs!" Governments and NGOs convince voters and donors that th…

To me it seems like you're falling into the trap of thinking that poverty somehow diminishes the agency and responsibility of the person.

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#36

Post by ragona »

mnky9800n wrote: post #26
Zenst wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Tried, even have psychiatric report stating as much and yet those who are supposed to help have failed me. Tried everything and nothing. But it's not just me, I have some good neibours who are less able to defend themselves and even if I moved, somebod else would suffer, let alone my good neibours and if I move, they would get worse downstairs. Only way is to see justice done and then move, though believe me I've tri…

Dude just move.

That's not possible for many people. Moving is expensive.

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#38

Post by catchmilk »

sdffdsfdsfsddsf wrote: post #25

Afaik the UK is protestant because hundreds of years ago, some king wanted to divorce his wife and catholic faith wouldn't have allowed him to. Just saying: the option for divorce has existed for a long time now. How can a woman describe to a journalist how abusive her partner is, and not split up or get a divorce? In most countries there is also some kind of social security, so women are not financially dependent on…

Stockholm syndrome is a very real thing, unfortunately. I'm a 6+ foot man that's been emotionally abused, and despite all the pressure from my close circle to break it off, I wasn't able to do it for a long time.

If 'just leaving' was so easy, we'd have a lot less domestic abuse out there. This is not about throwing shade, this is about giving victims the support they need.

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#39

Post by jasondclinton »

tw04 wrote: post #22
jasondclinton wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is the most HN comment I've seen in a week. You tried not to blame the victim and acknowledge poverty is the trap but then came off as doing that in the context of personal responsibility shaming. Poverty or the fear of poverty is the real decision maker here; the math is as unforgiving as orbital mechanics. And please don't reply, "But there are programs!" Governments and NGOs convince voters and donors that th…

I'm sorry but this is a pot/kettle situation. What's more HN than pointing out that all of the things society is doing to fix the problem are useless? Then not actually providing a single solution to what you claim is a horrible problem. Having had a relative go through one of the programs you mentioned above successfully - on top of having friends who work for the institutions you claim are setup to do everything BU…

This thread is not the appropriate place to propose a policy solution because the parent article is about a sad topic with lots of terrible suffering. To make policy proposals here would be insensitive. And, no, I'm not a libertarian. I think that dysfunctional organizations are a moral problem that we must strive to solve, collectively. The free market will not.

Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

#40

Post by jasondclinton »

duxup wrote: post #17
jasondclinton wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is the most HN comment I've seen in a week. You tried not to blame the victim and acknowledge poverty is the trap but then came off as doing that in the context of personal responsibility shaming. Poverty or the fear of poverty is the real decision maker here; the math is as unforgiving as orbital mechanics. And please don't reply, "But there are programs!" Governments and NGOs convince voters and donors that th…

I think you can recognize that when you see victims get out of abusive situations, it is the victim is the one who ultimately took the decisive action (abusers just generally don't stop doing that on their own...) as a fact, and still recognize how difficult it is, and you can even call for MORE / better programs (that's what I was working in ...), and there isn't any inherent blame or conflict there.

I appreciate that you brought your own perspective to the problem with your comment. I would have liked to have seen more clarity on how victims could be helped to choose to escape.
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