Ask HN: How do you handle toxic coworkers? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: How do you handle toxic coworkers?

#31

Post by sjg007 » Wed, Feb 19, 2020, 4:55 PM UTC

In my experience this usually boils down to different opinions on design decisions or the best way to implement a feature. One way to mitigate is to hold a design review where you get their sign off before the PR. Outline the basic strategy and pseudo-code. Document the functional interfaces etc...

The other thing to do is to ask for specific feedback to get to the root cause of the disagreement. I try to disarm them by agreeing that the code "smells" but it was the best you could do given the constraints. Does this developer "own" the code (is it their baby) or product you are working on? Ask what they would do... you can't mind read after all.

If you've built group consensus first then the negative reviewer has less room to maneuver as well.

Next consider proposing that the group create a code review protocol. This is similar to a coding style convention. Try to get consensus and sign off.

Lastly, check out the 5 secrets to effective communication, they really work. It's takes a lot of practice though.

https://feelinggood.com/2016/12/12/014-the-five-secrets-of-e...

Re: Ask HN: How do you handle toxic coworkers?

#32

Post by jklein11 » Wed, Feb 19, 2020, 5:06 PM UTC

Minor49er wrote: post #27

anon9001 wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's excellent advice. Here's less reasonable advice that I've also found works well: bait toxic people into bad behavior. Figure out what gets the biggest response out of them while looking super reasonable yourself. Try to get them fired up as much as possible so they're annoying everyone, especially their manager, and not just you. The more people angry with the toxic person, the shorter their lifespan. Give the…

I'd much rather prefer working with a bully instead of someone who is trying to trick an alleged bully into destructive behavior, personally

I think anon is trolling us

Re: Ask HN: How do you handle toxic coworkers?

#33

Post by jklein11 » Wed, Feb 19, 2020, 5:49 PM UTC

As far as toxic work behaviors go this doesn’t seem all that bad. You both are working towards the same goal. The best way to fix this is to focus the discussion around achieving that goal.

Re: Ask HN: How do you handle toxic coworkers?

#34

Post by sergiotapia » Wed, Feb 19, 2020, 6:03 PM UTC

corobo wrote: post #19

rasz wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You are just asking for it. q: “I’m struggling to understand your point, could you restate this in another way for me?” a: 'Your self declared lack of understanding coding standards and basic principles explains "quality" of code you keep submitting'

"You misunderstand. I'm struggling to understand your point because you've made it in a way that focuses more on challenging my intelligence than making yours known." and if he retorts that one in the same way just key his car or something.

Lol this isn’t downton abbey - this is an incredibly weak response and you will come off looking weak and unhinged. Just be straight with the man. You’re being an asshole and I’m sick of it.

Re: Ask HN: How do you handle toxic coworkers?

#35

Post by octokatt » Wed, Feb 19, 2020, 6:12 PM UTC

The most helpful framework for approaching bad parts of a social system is to build similar structures for working with a bad code system.

The strangle method for dealing with a legacy code base can work for social situations. Create an overarching social structure, with help from other co-workers, where the toxic person has their own bubble of influence, make sure the structure is secure, and then slowly reduce the size of the bubble.

An overarching social structure looks like normalized communication channels (one communication channel as opposed to several, scheduled meetings instead of one-offs so everyone is invited), clear lines of responsibility, and a steady escalation chain. Formal review processes in particular, as long as they don't grow too much cruft, is the easiest way forwards to start shrinking the bad-actor-bubble.

Coincidentally, this idea can be used for bad purposes, and is often how programmers can get strangled (so to speak) within their own organization.

Re: Ask HN: How do you handle toxic coworkers?

#36

Post by jdashg » Wed, Feb 19, 2020, 6:17 PM UTC

anon9001 wrote: post #10

muzani wrote: post #5

If you have to ask, it's usually best not to confront them directly. People who act this way are ready, even eager to get into a fight. Sort of like fighting a bigger person, you want to disarm them. A standard tactic is to be genuinely nice to them. You don't have to like them, but being polite makes them look worse when they are not. You can even be generous to them. This might actually give you some insight to why…

That's excellent advice. Here's less reasonable advice that I've also found works well: bait toxic people into bad behavior. Figure out what gets the biggest response out of them while looking super reasonable yourself. Try to get them fired up as much as possible so they're annoying everyone, especially their manager, and not just you. The more people angry with the toxic person, the shorter their lifespan. Give the…

This is toxic behavior.

Re: Ask HN: How do you handle toxic coworkers?

#37

Post by tomazio » Wed, Feb 19, 2020, 7:00 PM UTC

jdashg wrote: post #36

anon9001 wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's excellent advice. Here's less reasonable advice that I've also found works well: bait toxic people into bad behavior. Figure out what gets the biggest response out of them while looking super reasonable yourself. Try to get them fired up as much as possible so they're annoying everyone, especially their manager, and not just you. The more people angry with the toxic person, the shorter their lifespan. Give the…

This is toxic behavior.

Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire.

Re: Ask HN: How do you handle toxic coworkers?

#38

Post by throwaheyy » Wed, Feb 19, 2020, 9:14 PM UTC

muzani wrote: post #5

If you have to ask, it's usually best not to confront them directly. People who act this way are ready, even eager to get into a fight. Sort of like fighting a bigger person, you want to disarm them. A standard tactic is to be genuinely nice to them. You don't have to like them, but being polite makes them look worse when they are not. You can even be generous to them. This might actually give you some insight to why…

Appeasement only works if they're acting in good faith. If they're actually intending to bully, trying to appease them is just handing over more power.

Re: Ask HN: How do you handle toxic coworkers?

#39

Post by the_resistence » Wed, Feb 19, 2020, 11:59 PM UTC

Best thing you can do with toxic people is pretend they don't exist. Instant relief and they are defanged most of the time. They have to escalate poor behavior to get the attention they crave and then they get to be too much for superiors.

Re: Ask HN: How do you handle toxic coworkers?

#40

Post by roselleebarle » Thu, Feb 20, 2020, 3:34 AM UTC

In my experience, I only had to remember that they are humans and what's normal to them might not be normal to me.

I also practiced putting myself into their shoes. I realized they might be struggling and stressed and tired, too. I know this doesn't justify their behavior but sometimes being understanding is the best way. When my toxic coworker actually went on a 2-week vacation with no one bothering him, only with his family, he came back so refreshed and positive that it was scarier than him being grumpy and critical all the time in the previous months.