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1-on-1 meeting questions

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Re: 1-on-1 meeting questions

#201

> How are your parents/grandparents? "Grandparents are dead. Parents are divorced. Father is a roaring alcoholic, mother is on a death bed with cancer. Also they are both A-grade assholes that made my childhood miserable." Really sets the mood for the rest of the interview, doesn't it? In other words, stay the hell away from any personal questions.

No, don't stay away. That's not how these things happen, anyway. You don't start a relationship exploring anyone's childhood and family issues, you start by asking:

"So how was our weekend?"

And then if people, and most of them do, say things like "oh cool I took my son to the park / watch the game" or "my parents are in town", then what you do next week is ask:

"So, how's your son?"

And if they start talking, and most of them do because most parents like to talk non-stop about their kids, then you ask:

"What's his name, how old is he?"

That's how it usually works. Now, back to the first question, if they never touch the topic of family, anyway people talk about their hobbies, activities they do, things they learned. It is in fact very hard to meet someone every week and not learn about their life, and most people are open to this.

Just remember, most doesn't mean everybody, so just use some common sense and understand the boundaries. But let me tell you as a manager who had dozens of reports over the years, I never met a single person who has refused to talk about their spouses, children, or hobbies. And if they do, it's alright.

Re: 1-on-1 meeting questions

#202
post #129

Earlier quoted context omitted.

First of all, if your manager is any good, (s)he will already have replacements in the pipeline, given the musical chairs nature of the industry. Second, why aren't you already at a different job that pays you more instead of hanging that over your manager's head? Third, don't underestimate how many other good developers that are out there, looking for the next job. It might not require 6 months of training for the n…

> I'm not sure what kind of company you work for, but 6 months of training is ridiculously long, unless there is a lot of institutional knowledge that's siloed amongst a small subset of employees - which should never happen in the first place, if your manager was any good. At Google there's an expectation that you won't be 'productive' for 6 months after joining, though that's not surprising considering how different…

That really means 6 months till you are completely ramped up, at full productivity. If you are actually not productive, not producing anything of value, for 6 months...

Re: 1-on-1 meeting questions

#203

Questions aside, I honestly thought the steps to submit a new question was satire... Contributing 1. Fork it 2. Run npm install 3. Add your resource to questions.json 4. Run node index to update README.md with your changes 5. Create your feature branch (git checkout -b my-new-feature) 6. Commit your changes (git commit -am "Add some feature") 7. Push to the branch (git push origin my-new-feature) 8. Create new Pull R…

> 2. Run npm install

For a fucking bullet list. Our industry is broken.

Re: 1-on-1 meeting questions

#204
Looking at the responses here … it's not about

“1:1s are basics, if you don't do them you are a failed manager.”

Nor do I believe the truth is best described as:

“a 1:1 is a creepy corporate checkbox to be checked and best avoided”.

Isn't the answer always …

it depends?

On the person, on the company and team? On you, as a manager?

I have had colleagues who probably would have sent me a resignation letter within days after doing a 1:1 with canned questions like that.

I've also had colleagues who thought that a regular 1:1, going through the motions, was a sign that I cared and did something formal for them. (Despite normal chats and checkins.)

Even if you have a 1:1, it doesn't mean that you need to go through an ever same set of stale questions. But structure can help you both to make sure the basics of the work relationship are covered.

With that in mind, I see sets of questions such as this as a toolbox. Sometimes it's a good thing you can just look at the toolbox, try a few tools out, see how they fit and choose the right one for the job at hand (situation, person). I think it's great those exist.

If you're doing a 1:1 to check a box, then it doesn't matter. If you care and want to use a 1:1 as a tool, then it doesn't hurt to try out different approaches.

Re: 1-on-1 meeting questions

#205

Many of these will come off as frustrating and manipulative. When I, a manager, ask “what is the biggest obstacle facing you and how can i remove it,” I’m offloading the manager-level work of identifying blockers for my team on the individual. And hey, that might work, your teammate might have an insight you’re missing. But then, if they do have that insight, you’ve volunteered to do a shitload of work for your team.…

I had a manager who did 1 on 1s and asked questions like these. If you told him a blocker he’d do whatever it took to unblock it. In turn I only told him I was stuck when I truly was, because I knew the work he’d put in if I brought it to him. Of course, he knew status of stuff I was working on that wasn’t blocking me. He knew my wife and kids names, my hobbies, and even paid for dinner for my local bicycling club wh…

Would love to have a manager-mentor like that. :)

Re: 1-on-1 meeting questions

#206
post #156
post #110

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Employment is not a boss->servant relationship It is, for the vast majority of employed people. > it's a relationship where both parties gain something. For the vast majority of employed people, what they gain is the ability to continue to afford food and shelter. Most jobs do not afford the economic reality necessary to allow the employee a position of being able to afford to bargain as anything approaching an equ…

If your boss is taking the time to give you a 1-on-1, then there is an opportunity for both sides to listen to each other. If you have problems/complaints and you never say anything about them, then don't be surprised if they never change. If there is a 1-on-1 meeting happening, then a communication channel is open. I suppose you can choose to cynically shut it again, but if you make that choice, then don't be surpri…

> If your boss is taking the time to give you a 1-on-1, then there is an opportunity for both sides to listen to each other.

Naw, there's an opportunity for your boss to divide & conquer, and for you to screw over your coworkers for short-term gain. You might not _think_ you're doing that — the way it's designed it's very easy for both sides to not think that — but that's the actual dynamic of the situation.

This is why the much-maligned "do not negotiate individually" rule many unions have exists. And 1-on-1s are pretty much just that, only wrapped up in some friendly-sounding woo.

> And then "at the next round of layoffs" that person will find themselves surprisingly replaceable.

> Guess what: Being invested in your work can make you more valuable.

Experience having survived lay-offs: lol, no. Nobody puts a rating on your rants.

Re: 1-on-1 meeting questions

#207
post #197
post #156

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If your boss is taking the time to give you a 1-on-1, then there is an opportunity for both sides to listen to each other. If you have problems/complaints and you never say anything about them, then don't be surprised if they never change. If there is a 1-on-1 meeting happening, then a communication channel is open. I suppose you can choose to cynically shut it again, but if you make that choice, then don't be surpri…

I agree, some of the negativity I'm seeing about 1:1's seems to come from 1:1's not being useful, or even being a negative thing, but the person complaining about it seems to put all the blame on the other person in the 1:1. "My manager doesn't really want me to bring up anything", etc. Which I'm sure is true sometimes. But in my experience, you really can't ever be 100% certain that that's true, but if you just assu…

I will assume the worst in a manager if they haven't gone out of their way to disprove the notion.

They have both the authority and hopefully the management / people skills to be the one to stick their neck out and say "Hey, let's make this team be one that's honest and tries to actually create value for the company, not just keep our heads down and try to look good".

Being the young optimist who insists that everyone in the company tries to do the right thing is not smart unless management is making it clear that this is what they want.

Re: 1-on-1 meeting questions

#208

My 1on1's at a 100k+ international corporation always went like this: Manager: so how's it going? Me: great Manager: any issues? anything you want to discuss? Me: everything is fantastic! I'm very happy with my job :D Manager: cool cool... well let's do this again next month. Me: yay! I don't want someone in a similar situation like I was to get inspired by lists like these and go into their next 1on1 wrecking havoc…

I call these “waiter questions” and only once I became a manager, discovered how poorly they invite feedback. And as with, “how’s the meal?”, it is basically an invitation to lie, unless there is something so totally egregious that it probably should’ve been raised by interrupt not polling.

My 1:1s became much more fruitful with directed, goal-seeking questions, or even a retro format.

As others have touched on, frequency matters. Monthly contact isn’t just a little bit distant, it’s enough time for serious issues to fester.

Newbie managers would be wise to recognise that they are Brian Epstein, not John Lennon. Enable the talent, don’t boss it,

Re: 1-on-1 meeting questions

#209

> How are your parents/grandparents? "Grandparents are dead. Parents are divorced. Father is a roaring alcoholic, mother is on a death bed with cancer. Also they are both A-grade assholes that made my childhood miserable." Really sets the mood for the rest of the interview, doesn't it? In other words, stay the hell away from any personal questions.

Yup. “They’re all dead.” Doesn’t set a great tone for a friendly conversation. Nowadays I use euphemisms like “they’re out of the picture” and pray they’re not curious.

They've been moved to the cloud.

Re: 1-on-1 meeting questions

#210

My 1on1's at a 100k+ international corporation always went like this: Manager: so how's it going? Me: great Manager: any issues? anything you want to discuss? Me: everything is fantastic! I'm very happy with my job :D Manager: cool cool... well let's do this again next month. Me: yay! I don't want someone in a similar situation like I was to get inspired by lists like these and go into their next 1on1 wrecking havoc…

What a strange, helpless way to look at the world. Employment is not a boss->servant relationship, it's a relationship where both parties gain something. You offer a service, and they pay for that. End of story. They act out? Then you find someone else who needs your services. As a programmer myself, I'm in this great position where there is a shortage of good developers, and plenty of companies searching for good de…

>As a programmer myself, I'm in this great position where there is a shortage of good developers, and plenty of companies searching for good developers.

That's why you/we can afford to view the world that way. For many positions, especially those that don't require specific technical skills or other aspects where demand outstrips supply, servility is the only important trait.

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