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Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

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Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#321

Post by austincheney »

pstuart wrote: post #307
austincheney wrote: post #237

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Its easier if I just write it here. From July 2009-2010 I deployed to a unit in Kuwait and forward deployed to Afghanistan as part of a 2 person information assurance review team. We traveled around the country and visited the major, and some minor, US Army bases to perform friendly audits to improve the information security posture of the installations on the ground. We were constantly traveling. I think I went on 2…

I'll echo other replies and state that was an excellent read. Now the prickly part: do you see any way to extricate ourselves from this effort which has no path to victory?

I don't think anybody envisions a desirable exit path. This is a subject I am not an expert in and not willing to dive into in this larger discussion.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#322

Post by thulecitizen »

JonathanMerklin wrote: post #109
ggambetta wrote: post #15

Seeing a therapist might be infinitely better than reading a book, and not just for narcissism. We're all broken in our own wonderful and unique ways. I've been seeing a therapist for 5 years now, and the positive impact this has had in my life and on my general self-awareness can't be overstated. As engineers and tech people we have one tool that has proven incredible useful in our careers: our brilliant rational mi…

Honest question, really trying hard not to word it in a standoffish way: what do you get out of a therapist that can't be obtained from thought or general conversation outside of therapy? I don't think a "brilliant rational mind" is a prerequisite for coming to the conclusion that you're spending money to lock someone in conversation with you - someone that would not associate with you otherwise. To me, the relations…

> conversational prostitution

Do you grow your own food? If not, you are partaking in prostitutional farming.

Do you make the write the books you read? If not, you are paying for prostitutional authors.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#323

Post by unnouinceput »

Get kids. Or do voluntary work at your local orphanage if you're not ready to have your own. That will cure your arrogance, your narcissism and your self-importance way faster then any book, video or shrink/therapist you might wanna read/see. The fact that your actions have a direct consequence on another life is an eye opener.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#324

Post by MisterTea »

In a Taekwondo dojang I used to attend, the instructor had a sign on the wall that listed four rules one of which was to accept humility, the opposite of narcissism. And that is what you need to learn, accept humility. Perhaps join a martial art gym and get your butt kicked a few times.

I also did some boxing and it was incredibly intimidating stepping into the ring with some seriously scary dudes who knocked me around like a rag doll. But you take the lumps and learn from them. I took a lighthearted approach when boxing. Most of the dudes going there really wanted to be prize fight winning boxers whereas I wanted the exercise and fighting experience. So I'd spar with some welterweights and do my own commentary as I had my ass kicked. "And Ramirez comes in with a quick right... thwomp... followed by a jab... thunk..." I had fun. I didn't get mad, upset or take it personally. After a while I got better and could land shots as my focus and speed improved. Then the gym closed and I didn't bother to go somewhere else.

And I practice similar at work. I've learned to point out and laugh at my mistakes to coworkers which eases the frustration. I accept that I'm not perfect yet I have confidence in my skills and I always tell myself there is more to learn. Bragging is just hot air. Brag through your work. And I have had a lot of excellent compliments through my career and that keeps me being the best person I can.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#325

Post by sjg007 »

weinzierl wrote: post #80

In Germany a book about narcissism[1] rose to popularity after there has been a documentary[2] on national television in which the books author was featured prominently. I cannot comment on the book because I haven't read it but the documentary was interesting[2]. Unfortunately it seems to be available in German only. One funny thing for me was that the author runs a self-help group for narcissists. On Facebook. I th…

>a self-help group for narcissists

While this sounds like a comedy I would think that the group would dissolve early since everyone would think everyone else is a loser. The best outcome would be that the members would realize that everyone only talks about themselves and nobody listens to them except to trump or talk over another's story. That would be an interesting ah-hah moment.

You actually see this in real life in some kinds of support groups. There are plenty of folks who had something tragic in their life but want to continue reliving it b/c they have narcissistic traits. My wife says that she wants to be in these groups because they are the only people who understand but all I see are groups with a few narcissists. The groups continue usually because there are enough empathetic folks involved to keep the narcissists entertained. The only solution I see is for a strong group leader to force the group to listen and try to practice empathy.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#326

Post by [deleted] »

happimess wrote: post #205
austincheney wrote: post #124

Perhaps the closest opposite to narcissism is humility. One way to really experience humility is to inject yourself into something truly foreign where money is an insufficient remedy. I don't know what that humbling experience will be for you. For me it was living in Afghanistan for 2 years, of which one of those years I traveled frequently and spoke with many people there. It doesn't matter how much money you make a…

IANAN, but living abroad when I was about 25 really improved my humility. I'm used to being quick-witted, knowledgable, and generally good with people. When I got to a place where English is not the default language, I was essentially an idiot---I was confused a lot, unable to make jokes, and little kids laughed at my attempts to, say, order a gyro. It all clicked when I was lamenting it to my girlfriend, who said (w…

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#327

Post by luckyscs »

happimess wrote: post #205
austincheney wrote: post #124

Perhaps the closest opposite to narcissism is humility. One way to really experience humility is to inject yourself into something truly foreign where money is an insufficient remedy. I don't know what that humbling experience will be for you. For me it was living in Afghanistan for 2 years, of which one of those years I traveled frequently and spoke with many people there. It doesn't matter how much money you make a…

IANAN, but living abroad when I was about 25 really improved my humility. I'm used to being quick-witted, knowledgable, and generally good with people. When I got to a place where English is not the default language, I was essentially an idiot---I was confused a lot, unable to make jokes, and little kids laughed at my attempts to, say, order a gyro. It all clicked when I was lamenting it to my girlfriend, who said (w…

Don't Rob the world of your good jokes, friend, I always appreciate a laugh.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#329

Post by sjg007 »

cubicmeter wrote: post #265

You are already making progress or you are not a narcissist after all. Narcissists never accept that they are narcissists or come to that realization.

Actually most narcissists will tell you they are a narcissist. The thing they won't do is do anything about it.

https://www.livescience.com/47197-narcissists-admit-to-it.ht...

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