Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

Before I write out my tips, I'd like to say this: there is a big difference between being 'narcissitic' the way you have described it, and having Narcissitic Personality Disorder. There is a lot of confusion on that subject.

Having said that, there are a lot of things someone can do, and no single one of them will be a panacea. There are three things I would suggest, and third one, while very effective, is probably too "out there" for people. I will offer it here and let you decide.

The first is the practice of mindfulness meditation. That you are aware enough of your pattern is a great start. Although the point of mindfulness meditation is to awaken to one's true nature of being, there are fringe benefits when it comes to realizing how sensations and feelings arise within us. It is this fringe benefit that lets us be aware and make changes to our core being. Without mindfulness meditation, it is difficult to make any lasting changes to ourselves.

The second, is that you might want to consider seeking a therapist who can work with you on this. There are many modalities. Not every one will work. But issues such as taking things too personally actually has a lot to do with being insecure and overcompensating for that. This can be combined with the mindfulness practice. I understand that there is a perceived stigma to going to therapy ... it might help to view this as going to a coach, who can help you be the best you while having healthy, functioning relationships with others.

The third, and most "out there" is something that really requires the first two suggestion. This having an acupuncturist needle some specific points. But it can't just be any acupuncturist. Not all acupuncturists are sensitive to subtle energy, and for this to work, you'll need to find one who is. Not only that, someone with the knowledge to work on what are called the "extraordinary meridians". Working with those are not covered under the accredited acupuncture schooling needed to receive a license to practice acupuncture. It most definitely falls outside of evidence-based medicine.

But if you do manage to find such a person, they can work on these meridians, some of which are directly regulating one's self-esteem, being overly critical of other people, being able to take feedback, listening to others, etc. The pair that is most directly related to that are what are called the "yin qiao" and "yang qiao" meridians.

The thing is, to get the most out of it, you may need therapeutic help as well. Successfully triggering this will shift things, bring up memories, change how you feel. You might not feel like yourself.

Thing is, when I used this method for myself, it was the thing that finally improved the relationship I have with my wife.

I know some narcissists that are deeply into taking a variety of drugs. Drugs are definitely not helping them at all.

You are already making progress or you are not a narcissist after all. Narcissists never accept that they are narcissists or come to that realization.

>When someone says "A therapist really helped me." then their opinion carries its own evidence.

that's only true for individuals which you do not believe to be affected by choice-supportive bias[0], which is , more-or-less, non-existent as far as humanity is concerned.

If someone buys therapy, and they feel as if their quality of life has been improved by the purchase, great, but that's not a quantifiable justification of much without normalizing out inherent bias in the decision making process; a process that isn't as simple as 'an opinion as evidence'.

[0]:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Choice-supportive_bias

I think the problem is that those with narcissistic tendencies avoid anything they aren’t good at doing. They don’t like learning new things, being a noob is unbearable. Or so I’ve read.