ADHD, a Lifelong Struggle (2018)

I did so badly that I felt the need to "apologize" to the test giver, explaining that I really did understand the instructions I just (physically) couldn't catch myself when the "X" appeared. What would happen is I'd start off slow and increasingly react faster and faster to the O's until I hit an X. Then I'd go oh crap I messed up OK gotta slow down. Next thing I knew I was reacting to O's again within 10th's of a second and of course unable to stop in time when the X appeared.

It was a concrete demonstration of the idea about an ADHD brain being like driving a car with a responsive accelerator but the brakes barely or don't work.

Edit: almost forgot - after getting prescribed adderall I was able to read research papers for the first time in my life. Prior to that I couldn't concentrate well enough to actually read them. This despite having participated in a Research Experiences for Undergraduates program. I was able to "fake it" for two years and never admit I couldn't actually read or buckle down to write research papers. I had always felt some shame about that but after ADHD medication I realize it was a disability and not just laziness. I no longer take medicine for ADHD but just having had the experience of being able to focus changed my outlook on things.

My personal hypothesis is that the inherent expectation of wanting/needing to feel some kind of effect every time I tried meditating ended up being the very blockade that prevented me from doing so. I kept falling into a negative recursive thought loop of, “I haven’t noticed anything yet. This isn’t working. There’s no point in trying to continue meditating” that cycled into a cascading growth of anxiety that prevented me from reaching a state of balance.

It took me many months to realize that I was trapping myself inside this loop, but once I became aware of it, I was able to almost immediately start seeing results. The biggest thing that helped me was coming to a realization that the thoughts in my head are, at the end of the day, just thoughts. They have no ability to harm or control me other than what I choose to allow them to. The thought loop I was putting myself into could only continue because I chose to let it.

When I meditate in the present day, you might think that I no longer deal with any of these issues. That’s actually completely not the case. In fact, I constantly still get it, especially at the beginning of my sessions, but now instead of stressing out, I just choose to let it go. By actively choosing to accept and let things go, the loop breaks right from the beginning.

Then kids not paying attention in school, maybe it's boring or they feel it's useless to them so forcing them to do what they don't want, instead of tailoring their education instead it's one size fit's all. Plus teachers recommend getting kids checked, because then you are labeled as disabled and the school gets extra funding to go into the teachers pension program.

There's someone I know who was told their kid didn't have ADHD, so shopped around and went to another doctor, and then eventually went to another doctor. Kinda like the whole antibiotics resistance thing, people expect if they have a cold that the doctor will give them pills even if it isn't going to really help. Seems like doctors in general just love drugging people, instead of fixing a symptom at the root of the cause drug them and then drug them more for the side effects to cover them up. It'd be like taking your car to the mechanic for a check engine light, and instead of checking the OBD codes and stuff they just unplug the check engine light.

I think a lot of psychiatry is just a form of massive insurance fraud, there's a nonprofit organization that makes documentaries called CCHR. However CCHR is founded by the church of scientology which I know many not a fan of but I think they have some good information. I really wish CCHR would disconnect it self from scientology so it could stand on it's own as I really like their message, but I feel a bit of a conflict since it's related to scientology which is an entire topic on it's own, I guess you have to pay thousands just to level up and all these other horror stories about scientology.

I think drugging children is also a form child abuse, and destroying childhood creativity. Probably if they pushed this stuff when Albert Einstein, Steve Jobs or other successful startup founders were children, who knows if they'd be as successful as they ended up being. One of the pills pushed ended up making males grow large breasts too. Then there's reports another drug can cause brain damage too along with heart conditions(which usually you think it happens in older people but young people can have heart attacks too on this crap). They even want to drug 3 and 5 year olds too. If I was in power, I'd have these drug makers and so called doctors imprisoned for life. Also diet and exercise some believe also helps, add these GMOs and other chemicals in the food, artificial sweeteners can mess with dopamine receptors, etc. So I think I see the larger picture, but many just want a pill and then go back to watching TV or smoking instead of trying to improve their families healthy lifestyle. Kinda like how parents don't even try to teach their children, they just send them to school. Lazy parenting is also part of the problem.

But I guess not a one solution fits all, some people say the pills and stuff helped them. I think counselors could be valuable too, maybe even help you see things from another prospective but some insurance companies won't pay for a counselor unless you also are on drugs. Some people don't even feel like anyone cares about them either, so I think having someone to listen and who seems on your side with issues is also a positive, but I know some counselors want to record your sessions so I find that kinda creepy also as feels less private so you could be less open about things.

Yep, and that something can drift over years, days, even minutes. I find code very conducive to hyperfocus, maybe more so than something like playing guitar - it's funny, because so much of coding can be mundane and repetitive, but that quality seems to help with getting started and finding a flow state.

I rarely hyperfocus on writing music or playing instruments anymore, but I used to zone out and play for hours. I'm not sure what changes in a person that makes that more difficult one day than the next.

Downs syndrome as a counter example has a known messurabe causal model.

It is truth, regardless if it is offensive or not. Regardless of your interpretation.